(Closed) Family Drama: Future Mother-in-Law's Relationship with Sister-in-law

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

I think you’re right not to speak with FMIL about FSIL.  The best you can probably do is to continue to try getting together with FMIL.  Make plans & whatnot.  I hope you start getting more quality time with her!

Post # 3
3072 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

No. There is nothing you can say along these lines that will come off well (to either party concerned). Also, I don’t think you should get your FI involved since this is your deal. I understand your feelings are real, but they’re just that…your feelings. You just do your part and let the other adults do theirs. Good luck!

Post # 4
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Wow, I am in a VERY similar situation. FMIL has finally just kind of given up on my FI’s brother’s wife, they have had issues for so long. I get along ok with FSIL, but we have only been around each other a few times. For years my FMIL would try and get so caught up in attempting to appease my FSIL. If you have a good relationship with your FMIL, talk to her about your feelings, not so much her relationship with FSIL. I spoke to my FMIL about it. I also get compared to FSIL, A LOT, it is always “you’re the sweet one” or “We are happy you aren’t like (FSIL’s name),” etc. It makes me uncomfortable, I don’t want to be compared to her, even if they are nice things being said, I just want to be known for myself. After speaking to my FMIL she understood where I was coming from, and things aren’t brought up as much. Maybe you could plan on a lunch together, or coffee, so just you and FMIL can chat. Hope it gets better! It took my FMIL like 7 years to finally just let go of trying to have a good relationship with FSIL and focus on everyone else. 

ADD: I didn’t speak to her about her relationship with FSIL, I just spoke to her about how I would like us to spend more time together and I don’t feel comfortable being compared to FSIL. Their relationship is between them, so I left that part alone.

Post # 5
2094 posts
Buzzing bee

Their relationship is their relationship and there’s really nothing you could say that would change anything if that’s just her personality.

I would just start inviting her to do more things with you alone or with you and your FI. Maybe once she realizes how much easier it is to hang out with you, she’ll distance herself in her own time.

But don’t get involved by saying anything or having your FI say anything

Post # 6
128 posts
Blushing bee

I think you should speak to your FMIL. Don’t mention anybody else including FSIL and just tell her you miss her and want to talk and hang out more when you are together with everybody. Don’t point out she runs after FSIL or anything like that. Just keep it simple. Just say when you guys are all together you have been noticing lately you don’t get to talk to her that much anymore. 


Post # 9
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

SFBride2015:  I’m glad it gives you some hope. It was really difficult when all of the things you are going through were going on. It has been within the last year that she threw in the towel. She and my FSIL don’t really interact with each other anymore, when they do it is just cordial greetings and then stay away from each other. My FMIL still wants a relationship with her, but I am semi-friendly with FSIL (now the only person in the family who is) as well and she wants nothing to do with FMIL anymore. It is sad, but a lot better than watching my FMIL (who I love) get upset and hurt time and time again by the way FSIL treated her. Granted, there are always two sides to every story and my FMIL had some fault in their issues, I’m just happy it isn’t going on anymore. 

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