(Closed) Family Drama: Future Mother-in-Law's Relationship with Sister-in-law

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
1420 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

I think you’re right not to speak with Future Mother-In-Law about Future Sister-In-Law.  The best you can probably do is to continue to try getting together with Future Mother-In-Law.  Make plans & whatnot.  I hope you start getting more quality time with her!

Post # 3
3300 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

No. There is nothing you can say along these lines that will come off well (to either party concerned). Also, I don’t think you should get your Fiance involved since this is your deal. I understand your feelings are real, but they’re just that…your feelings. You just do your part and let the other adults do theirs. Good luck!

Post # 4
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Wow, I am in a VERY similar situation. Future Mother-In-Law has finally just kind of given up on my FI’s brother’s wife, they have had issues for so long. I get along ok with Future Sister-In-Law, but we have only been around each other a few times. For years my Future Mother-In-Law would try and get so caught up in attempting to appease my Future Sister-In-Law. If you have a good relationship with your Future Mother-In-Law, talk to her about your feelings, not so much her relationship with Future Sister-In-Law. I spoke to my Future Mother-In-Law about it. I also get compared to Future Sister-In-Law, A LOT, it is always “you’re the sweet one” or “We are happy you aren’t like (FSIL’s name),” etc. It makes me uncomfortable, I don’t want to be compared to her, even if they are nice things being said, I just want to be known for myself. After speaking to my Future Mother-In-Law she understood where I was coming from, and things aren’t brought up as much. Maybe you could plan on a lunch together, or coffee, so just you and Future Mother-In-Law can chat. Hope it gets better! It took my Future Mother-In-Law like 7 years to finally just let go of trying to have a good relationship with Future Sister-In-Law and focus on everyone else. 

ADD: I didn’t speak to her about her relationship with Future Sister-In-Law, I just spoke to her about how I would like us to spend more time together and I don’t feel comfortable being compared to Future Sister-In-Law. Their relationship is between them, so I left that part alone.

Post # 5
2092 posts
Buzzing bee

Their relationship is their relationship and there’s really nothing you could say that would change anything if that’s just her personality.

I would just start inviting her to do more things with you alone or with you and your Fiance. Maybe once she realizes how much easier it is to hang out with you, she’ll distance herself in her own time.

But don’t get involved by saying anything or having your Fiance say anything

Post # 6
128 posts
Blushing bee

I think you should speak to your Future Mother-In-Law. Don’t mention anybody else including Future Sister-In-Law and just tell her you miss her and want to talk and hang out more when you are together with everybody. Don’t point out she runs after Future Sister-In-Law or anything like that. Just keep it simple. Just say when you guys are all together you have been noticing lately you don’t get to talk to her that much anymore. 


Post # 9
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

SFBride2015:  I’m glad it gives you some hope. It was really difficult when all of the things you are going through were going on. It has been within the last year that she threw in the towel. She and my Future Sister-In-Law don’t really interact with each other anymore, when they do it is just cordial greetings and then stay away from each other. My Future Mother-In-Law still wants a relationship with her, but I am semi-friendly with Future Sister-In-Law (now the only person in the family who is) as well and she wants nothing to do with Future Mother-In-Law anymore. It is sad, but a lot better than watching my Future Mother-In-Law (who I love) get upset and hurt time and time again by the way Future Sister-In-Law treated her. Granted, there are always two sides to every story and my Future Mother-In-Law had some fault in their issues, I’m just happy it isn’t going on anymore. 

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