Post # 1
So, my fiance and I are planning and paying for our entire reception, and we have decided to make it an adults-only affair. This will help save costs for us, plus we don’t have any kids in our close family. I’m also not a fan of going to weddings where nobody can make it to the dance floor because of small children.
This weekend, my future brother-in-law got married, and so my future groom’s family was all there. His parents are recently divorced, and both decided to bring dates to the wedding, which was tense. His dad’s new girlfriend also brought her 6 year-old, and mentioned in my presence that she will be bringing all four of her kids to my wedding in the Fall. She has kids ranging from 6 to 14. I’ve never met them, and the one child that came to this wedding was ill-behaved and caused a scene during the rehearsal dinner.
How should I approach “un-inviting” kids that she thinks are coming? Should I list adults-only on the invitation? I would never assume I could bring a bunch of kids to a wedding where I was just the plus-one of an invited guest, but this woman seems oblivious. She was also very pushy about bein gin family photos and basically escorted herself out during the recessional of the mothers, which was embarrassing to everyone.
To top things off, my groom’s mom and dad can barely be in the same room, and behaved like children this weekend. I don’t want these shenanigans happening at my wedding and making other guests uncomfortable.
How have you handled (1) recently divorced parents who can’t behave themselves and (2) guests who assume their whole family is invited, and communicating that your event is only open to adult guests.
Post # 3
Send the invitation addressed to Mr. John Smith and Ms. Jane Doe, and indicate that “we have reserved 2 seats for you”. I would also have your fiance call his dad and give him a heads up that this is a child-free wedding so there are no surprises.
I don’t know what to tell you about the divorced parents. My family has plenty of divorced pairs, and they all know not to act like idiots in public. The only thing I can suggest is have your fiance talk to them since they’re his family. Something along the lines of “I don’t care how much you hate each other, on this day, you will NOT embarrass me”.
Post # 4
I’m a 3 time MOB and a huge fan of kid free weddings. Your Fiance needs to be direct with his dad over lunch and say “Your girlfriend mentioned bringing all 4 of her children to our wedding this Fall. I just want to let you know that we hare having a child free wedding and will not be able to accomodate them.” Period. Don’t beat around the bush, don’t see if she changes her mind on this. She brought it up so she is testing the waters (rather boldly if you ask me). FI needs to be direct but very respectful about it and you guys need to stick to your decision.
You should also think about your Rehearsal Dinner. If there is a chance your Future Father-In-Law is paying for that, he may just bring those kids to the dinner. If I were you I would pre-game this and plan on paying for the Rehearsal Dinner so you don’t have isssues there.
His parents? Well…..When it gets closer, I would have Fiance talk to his parents and ask them to please put their differences aside for the day for your wedding. If there are specific things they did (the shenanigans you mentioned) he should call them out on that privately and tell them he expects them to support him on his wedding day and act like adults.
Your Fiance is the key to everything here. He is the one who needs to do the talking and he needs to be firm but respectful. Your job is to support him while he deals with them.
Post # 5
Yes, we are already paying for the rehearsal dinner ourselves. I was also surprised to learn that FI’s dad has already told his extended family about our event and they have booked rooms. They were on our B-list since we are planning a small event (we did not send them a save-the-date), so I was pretty surprised that he took it upon himself to tell 15+ people that they are invited, when he is not contributing financially at all.
Post # 6
Then Fiance needs to discuss those extra 15 people with dad and say, “I’m sorry Dad, but they are not on the guest list and we can’t accomodate them.” Since Dad invited them, you are NOT on the hook here but it does need to be dealt with. He isn’t hosting so he isn’t in a position to invite.
Post # 7
@MrsLowes: I would let them know its Child-free. If she wants her children she can have her own wedding. She is of no importance to you or your Fiance at this point so I woudn’t care if she was mad. She is being disrespectful to your wishes.
Post # 8
@MrsLowes: If you’re going to have an adults only reception then practice handling statements and questions about kids at the wedding as in, “Oh, actually our reception will be adults only.”
Talk to your father. Tell him that the reception is adult’s only and that when the invitation arrives he may need to explain to his girlfriend that her children are not invited.
You should also ask him to further explain to her that her role at the wedding is as his guest and that’s it. She is not a member of the family so she will not be included in pictures and she is not the mother or stepmother of the bride so she should not be escorting herself in or out with the actual mothers of the bride and groom. In other words, he needs to reign her in, big time.
As for the badly behaved divorced parents – have a CTJ with them. They can hate each other all they want but on your wedding day they need to slap a smile on their face, avoid each other like the plague when possible and be civil and polite when its not. Unflattering comments and conversations about how awful the ex-spoise is can happen at another time and place – not your wedding. Ask them to do it for you and your happiness on your wedding day.
Post # 9
Wow pretty presumptious of this woman to think she can bring along 4 extra bodies to someone’s wedding. You guys might want to make yourselves clear about the no child policy soon rather than later.