- 10 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
So, I’m having some family drama. My parents divorced when I was a baby, and there is still some bad blood there. My mom doesn’t want any contact with my dad, and is suggesting that I just don’t tell him about the wedding. My dad was in and out of my life until a few years ago, when we actually started to have more regular contact. The problem? If I invite my dad, there will me MAJOR drama on my mom’s side. Several people won’t get why he’s there, and they won’t want him there. Some people from my step-family may not even be invited if my dad is there (people my mom would otherwise want to invite). My step-dad will not be happy to see my dad there. My mom wants me to just not tell my dad when the wedding is.
On the other hand, if my dad is there, he will likely also be upset with me. I will not be inviting any of his family (that side of my family). I don’t really know them. Throughout my childhood, they made no effort to keep in touch with me. I’ve never gotten a phone call or a happy birthday. Now that I’m getting married, he’s asked me to invite his family (my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc), even though I haven’t met them (and even though he thinks many of them wouldn’t come). We have to keep our guest list to 100 or less, so we’re not inviting people we don’t know. I don’t know them, none of us has ever made efforts to contact one another, and I can’t see why they’d be upset for not being invited.
My dad isn’t walking me down the aisle, but neither is my step-dad. I’d love to do father-daughter dances with them both, but the one who has to go second will feel automatically slighted. I’m not ultra-close with either, but I love them both, and want them to be happy. I may eliminate father-daughter stuff altogether (if I can’t make both happy, I can make them equally miserable, right?).
In light of all this, my mom has come up with a solution she likes. Two weddings. Let me say that again- Two. Weddings. One for my mom’s family, which FI’s family and my friends will also be at. One for my dad and his family, in another state, so they’ll be able to make it (but just my dad and his family, likely- I can’t expect other people to travel for both weddings).
What do I do? In all honesty, I’d have the two weddings if it’d save family grief. I’m just not sure if it will. Anyone else in a difficult step-family situation? Does anybody have advice?