(Closed) Family Drama – including family members in your wedding…

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Well, I haven’t had to deal with this (although I caught wind my FI’s sister was bummed I didn’t ask her to stand up with me, but now she’s standing up on his side so it’s ok) and my advice is to go with your gut. If you try to appease everyone else, you will make YOURSELF and your Fiance unhappy. We went with friends over family…it’s totally ok and it’s what works for you. Don’t defend yourslef, just say, "this is how it’s going to be"

You WILL end up with a circus. and you won’t be happy. 

Post # 4
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I have an even larger family (21 aunts & uncles not including their spouses, and over 100 1st cousins).  Like you I wanted to have something smaller more intimate, it didn’t quite work out exactly the way I originally wanted, but I was happy with the results.  I found ways to include my friends and family.  I made sure that no one would have more than one role so that more people could participate.  I found a balance I was happy with.  Find a balance for yourself, and then let your family know what you and your FH decided upon.  Extending an olive branch doesn’t hurt anyone.

Post # 5
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have felt no pressure to include cousins (you think yours is large? I have 32 cousins. Yep.)

I think your obligation stops at including siblings. If you can get all of the siblings in, congrats! Nothing more need be done. That’s just silly. And this is coming from somebody who is really into family. I even invited my newly engaged FBIL’s fiance, because she will be my (only) sister.

You are doing fine. If you want to honor them, have them hand out programs or something and buy them all corsages. I think you will be amazed at how much a $20 flower arrangement makes anybody feel special.

Post # 6
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Ignore all the fuss and do what you want.  You are setting an example- do you really want all your cousins to face the same crap about including EVERYONE!  Stand up for yourself and have the ceremony you want!

Post # 7
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Boy, I thought I was special. LOL. Chela! Wow!

Post # 8
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow….21 aunts and uncles and 100 1st cousins???

That’s a baby-making family if I ever saw one! Christmas must be CRAZY at your house! Sounds fun though…i have one aunt, so you can see where I’m coming from

Post # 9
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

My family is insane large.   These are a couple of things I did to make them feel special because of course they all want to feel special.  Make sure to get a family shot.   One with all the aunts and uncles and another with all the cousins.  My grandparent’s  have passed away and two very talented cousins sang their favorite love song during the ceremony, to commemorate their love for each other and to signify that they hope we have the same.    Lyrics to the song were typed on our church programs, and my family all joined in.  I can’t wait to see it on the wedding video.    As a suprise to my guests I got as many wedding pictures from friends and family (my husband and mine) and I put them all around during the cocktail hour.  People were so suprised that I went out of my way to do that and they loved the idea.

Post # 10
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I just wrote a post about something very similar!  My aunt thinks my cousin should have a bigger role in the wedding, although I’ve asked her to be an acolyte, which I think is something special, since she’s the only one who will do that, but my aunt has another opinion.  I hope you managed to figured something out andthat you enjoy the wedding in a few weeks!

Post # 11
Member
206 posts
Helper bee

I think while you should respect your family for their opinions, and its great your uncle was able to have everyone in his, this is yours and your FH’s day and if you’ve made the decision on who will be in it. People should respect that and leave it alone. I know family can be hard at times, but in the end the day will be fine.  If someone is so upset that they decide not to show up (i would hope not) then maybe they were not meant to be there anyway and would have just caused drama. I am so lucky that my family is not like this at all, altho we are MUCH smaller 😉

Post # 12
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

its your wedding and you should feel free to do whatever you want.

Post # 13
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

When Fiance and I told my parents that we were engaged, one of the first things my Mom said was “please, for my peace of mind, include your sisters in your wedding” so I can see where you’re coming from.

I think you’re right, your family is working things out from the last generation. But this is the NEW generation. Weddings in the new Millenium! In the new millenium, we have the weddings that we want to have. And don’t worry. I whole heartedly agree with something another poster said: the day will be wonderful regardless. Enjoy yourself!

Post # 14
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Stick to your guns! It won’t be worth it, IMO. You’ve already had stress/conflict before the wedding, I can only imagine it continuing through the wedding and becoming, like you say, a circus DURING the wedding as well. Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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