- 9 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
I’m having one of those weeks…
I spent the weekend fending off well-meaning (and not so well-meaning) family and friends opinions about my wedding. I will be getting married in 3 months. we have been engaged for 21 months. I come from a large family (3 brothers, 9 cousins – I am the oldest among all). This the first wedding of the younger generation, with the last wedding, of my uncle/godfather, 10 years ago. Prior to his wedding, the last weddings were of my parents, aunts and uncles 25 years ago. Therefore, there has been a lot of discussion of the money I may or may not be spending, as well as the amount of inclusion of my family in the wedding.
I have no sisters, and my fiance comes from a small family with no siblings, so when we chose our bridal party we chose those that meant the most to us – our friends that have supported us since we were small. I chose my grade school best friend (also my college room mate) as my maid of honor, and asked 3 friends from high school and another friend from grade school who I’ve known forever, to stand up as well. My fiance asked a childhood friend, 2 college friend and 2 law school friends. All people we know and love. We asked my youngest brother to do a reading, and my other two brothers to be ushers (which they loved, cause they didn’t want to have to do too much – they are teenage boys :)). We asked another friend of my fiance’s who he’s known forever to do a reading, and a friend of his to be an usher. My fiance only has 3 cousins, so we asked the sole boy cousin to be an usher as well. We also asked my 2 of my youngest cousins to be the ring bearer and flower girl.
Unfortunately, ever since we made these decisions (last summer), I have heard rumblings that my grandmother and aunts were unhappy that my older cousins (around my brothers ages) were not asked to stand up as well. I am three years older than the next cousin, and though we have been together at every family party for years, I always spent more time with the adults. They were never my best friends and I don’t feel particularly close to them. I was determined to ignore all this, because I thought the topic was decided and did not want to get into the midst of family politics. In my extended family, if I had asked one, I would have been forced to ask all, so I was determined to steer clear of all of it, and just ask them to grace me with their presence and enjoy the day. But in the past few days I have yet again had my decisions questioned.
The main problem I am seeing is that the last wedding (10 years ago), my uncle in his infinite wisdom included EVERYONE. His sisters gave readings, and all of us kids (all 9 of us at the time) stood up in the wedding. They also had a full wedding party of 6 people on each side. It was a circus! Something I am trying to avoid… we just wanted a beautiful ceremony with minimal fuss, and a fantastic party. In trying to have minimal fuss I wanted as few extraneous people (especially drama causing extended family) involved. Now my mother is trying to talk me into having all six of my cousins read prayers of the faithful at the mass, as well as allowing one to do a flute solo. She would like them to all be dressed as the rest of the wedding party, and be included in the pictures beforehand. Basically, due to pressure from outside family members, my conflict avoiding mother has decided that a circus is a small price to pay for HER peace of mind. Me? I don’t want any of it. I want to plan the ceremony I wanted and not feel pressured to include those we are not close to as a couple.
Has anyone else experienced pressure to include extended family members in their wedding? Anyone else the first to get married? I feel like I am the standard bearer, and therefore everyone is working out their issues through my wedding.