(Closed) Family drama, interstate issues, date conflicts, bridal party rant = upset!

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: What to do?
    If Brother is that important, move the wedding around his schedule : (1 votes)
    6 %
    Go with the cheaper venue and hope they can attend : (11 votes)
    65 %
    Offer to help pay for his ticket back home (cost = ugh) : (4 votes)
    24 %
    Other (see comment below) : (1 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    157 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    i think you are trying to do a lot to work around your brother’s needs, and its not being returned. He should make your wedding a priority if you are very close, I couldnt imagine missing my brother’s wedding I would have to make it happen, however why should you have to pay his way? It seems as though you and your Fiance work hard and have worked for what you have its kinda selfish to expect you to pay for them on top of paying for your new home and wedding.


    But I gotta admit i agree with your mom, if your not including your brothers Fiance in the party I wouldnt be suprised she didnt include you esp. if you guys arent close? She probably feels left out of ours.


    if christmas time is okay with you to have a wedding & you wanna try to appease everyone and you will be 100% happy with it then do, but only if its what you want. Goodluck keep updated! xx

    Post # 5
    7685 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think it’s crazy to have a christmas time wedding just to fit one couple, when having at another time of year means (a) you marry earlier, (b) it’s a time of year you like, (c) it’s cheaper. Especially since that doesn’t 100% guarantee he will be there. (e.g. what if his wife is pregnant and due at the same time? Then your brother, quite rightly, will stay home with his wife).

    So instead, I suggest you take this approach: set the date and place which works best for you. If your brother can make it, wonderful. If he can’t, well it’s not the end of the world.

    p.s. If they really can only travel once per year, they could travel for your wedding instead of Christmas this one time.

    Post # 6
    8669 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    You and your Fiance get to choose who you have in your bridal party and your borther and his Fiance get to choose who they have- end of story unfortunately.  It doesn’t sound like you have a close relationship with this girl (infact it read a bit like you put up with her and find her a bit of an inconvience because she has different beliefs <religious/vegetarian> rather than accepting her for how she is). And they have infact asked both you and your partner to be apart of their wedding (as ushers) which is them including you. It seems more like that you are disappointed in not being given a cool role rather than being honoured to be asked to paly a role in their day.

    As for the date of the wedding- choose whatever date works best for you and your partner. You will never pick a date that is perfect for everyone. if your brother is unable to make it on the date you choose then you have to decide how important it is for you to have him there. His priority is his family and if financially it is going to be tough for him (which he obviously has indicated regardless of what you think his financial status is) to attend then if you decide it is importent to have him there you will have to decide whether to change your date or pay for him to come.

    Ultimately you have to decide what is more important to you- your wedding with your brother or your wedding without.

    Post # 7
    4046 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If you are not close to Future Sister-In-Law, I cam see why you wouldn’t be in her wedding party. Maybe she diesn’t want to upend tradition and have a female groomsman, and since you don’t know her, she’s not asked you to be s Bridesmaid or Best Man. I don’t think it has to be reciprocated.

    As far as speeches go, you could volunteer and ask to be included. Personally I’m a bit shy and would absolutely hate being ask to say something. Maybe she feels the same way and doesn’t want to burden you with this?

    Post # 8
    9667 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    @j_jaye:  +1

    Post # 9
    4192 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    @paula1248:  Agreed- if your brother can truly only fly home once a year, it doesn’t have to be at Christmas. Yes, that’s “ideally” the best time for family to get together, but if it’s November or April, it may end up being a more relaxed/better trip anyway.

    Post # 11
    87 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    You plan your wedding for what works for you and your fiance.  If that doesn’t work for others, thats okay.  They can send a card.  In the end, all that matters is you’re married to the person you love. (And its better to save the extra money for the house.  After all, you can’t live in a wedding)

    On a side note, I think thats pretty gutsy to ask for you to pay for his airfare to your wedding.  Is he offering to pay your airfare to HIS wedding?

    The topic ‘Family drama, interstate issues, date conflicts, bridal party rant = upset!’ is closed to new replies.

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