- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
I’m a long time reader/first time poster but my planning and family issues have been really bothering me and I wanted to seek help or guidance, or someone to tell me that I’m being an idiot.
My FH and I got engaged in late 2011 and were planning on having our wedding in late 2012, but shortly after our engagement party in early 2012, we found the house we wanted to buy and put the wedding plans on hold.
That pushed our planning back to Mar/Apr or Oct/Nov 2013. I was fine with that, but then a week before my engagement party, my older brother (& only sibling) proposed to his now fiancée.
They decided that they wanted to get married sooner rather than later, so they are having a short-ish engagement and getting married later this year. They recently decided to move overseas for a work opportunity a week after their wedding.
– My brother and I are really close and our father lived overseas (divorce) for a lot of our childhood so, with pride, I asked my brother to walk me down the aisle. This caused a lot of drama with family and my Dad said he is not coming out of protest, but I stuck with my decision to have my brother by my side. Following that, I was disappointed to find out that I haven’t been asked to be involved in their bridal party AT ALL, or even invited to make a speech.
I feel really shocked by this because he and I went through so much together when my parents divorced, we email each other multiple times every single day, text each other funny things all the time, etc. They did ask my FH and I to be ushers, which I personally think is a bit of a lackey job, but we accepted and have asked what to wear, how to help, etc and are flying interstate for their wedding.
My Mother said that because my brothers fiancée is not included in my bridal party, I shouldn’t expect to be included in theirs, but I don’t think that’s fair because we have my FHs sister and my brother in our party.
– We have just moved into our house and we are living on a very tight budget so we are trying to spend as little as possible on the wedding (50 people cocktail style). A venue that we love has offered us a 50% reduction in the minimum spend if we have our wedding in April 2013, which would be a beautiful time of year here, but we haven’t booked anything yet.
I mentioned it to my Mother and Brother today and she emailed back saying I should be considerate that once my brother moves, he can only afford to come home once a year at Christmas time.
We are already working our wedding out to be in the state my FH is from instead of my home state, as it is more convenient for most people, working around two of my BMs in different states and one Bridesmaid or Best Man who is travelling 75% of the year for work and another wedding we are attending.
When we thought about having a tropical destination wedding, my brother mentioned that we could possibly pay for him to attend from the new country he will be living in, which I thought wasn’t fair because her parents are paying for their wedding and he’s older than me and they haven’t bought a house or anything. My FH and I are coming up to our mid 20’s and he’s bought two apartments and we’ve now bought our house together and have worked hard to get where we are now.
– I guess another issue is that she and I get along OK. We are just different people (she is quite religious and conservative and I am not at all, and I feel like she is quite cold at times and makes quite snarky comments about my Mother). She was very withdrawn when we got engaged before they did. I am totally fine to accommodate their needs and we had our engagement party at an hour which would work with her day of rest/sundown times and made sure we had vegetarian food (she was the only vego attending) and have tried to ask/help as much as possible with their plans, so I don’t feel as though I haven’t extended the olive branch.
Is it OK that I feel left out of their wedding… and possibly their future plans?