(Closed) Family drama is rearing it’s ugly head!

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think what you are planning to do at the hospital is the right thing to do. If they have no interest in you and your husband then they don’t need to be around your child.

You have to be strong though and stick to your guns. They will never change unless they are given no other choice.

Post # 4
Member
14656 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If they do try to show up, doesnt that mean that they are attempting to be a part of babies life?  I think being neutral about the situation and not reaching out to them is one thing, but to actively block to discourge his parents attempt is unnecessary.  If they want to try to be a grandparent, I think I would try let them with new ground rules, then slam the door on the idea if they cross the line again.  As for his brother… Is all he wants money??  Would he even really care to show up? 

Post # 6
Member
14656 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@mrskisstobe: If that is really the only reason she would come by, just to be a bitch and not because she genuinely cares, then… sounds like you’re on the right track.  Whether she thinks she did anything wrong though could be a separate issue than actually caring about baby though.  Just from an outsiders view only knowing what I’ve read, she could think she’s done nothing wrong but still be capable of caring for her grandchild.  But only you and your husband would be best to guess if she is capable of that.

Post # 8
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

Your no awful at all, your doing what is best for you and Darling Husband, your marriage and the happiness of your child. If they show up at the hosipital you both need to agree on what you will do and who will handle it. If you really don’t want them there then you assign someon in your family or a friend (I wouldn’t make it Darling Husband or you since you want to enjoy the birth of you baby) to tell them that at this time you request not to seem them and want to spend time with your baby. If you feel that will cause more issues then your Darling Husband should be that contact and it should be short, and simple, your not welcome, so leave.

My Darling Husband and I are in the SAME situation, we have NO relationship with his mother or sister since a year ago since our wedding, have not seen or spoken to them. We had to assign Darling Husband best man as the person at our wedding to make sure that if they caused a scene they would escorted out. It was my Darling Husband call since he felt on his wedding day he didn’t want to know or have to deal with it. Of course he knew if things got really ugly he would have to step in but he wanted my family to handle it before it got to that point.

Now we are expecting as well, and like you, we do speak to the grandma, not often but enough that Darling Husband told her we were expecting and we know it was told to his mother and sister. We didn’t hear anything for months, and then Darling Husband felt he wanted to announce it to his extended family ( his mothers side) so then she really knew, but the most we got was an email saying Good Luck ( she does not have our new numbers as we had to change them with all the drama and she came inches away from punching me at my RD) So we don’t know if she brags about the baby or even if she cares but we don’t care and we don’t want her in our life. She is miserable, nasty person.

A part of us doesn’t think she will show up at the hosipital but she is crazy enough that she would and if that happens we are going to use the same method we used at the wedding. We will not allow her to ruin the birth of our baby and my family will make sure that doesn’t happen.

You obivously won’t be able to control what they do on that day but you can control how you handle it. If you really really don’t want them to see the baby and if you really don’t welcome them, then you need to keep that established. If you send them mixed signals then it will cause miscommunication and will result in them showing. I don’t know the full extend of the problems or if you completely estranged from them.

Post # 10
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

It always amazes me when family acts so horrible to one of their own. I just don’t get it. It’s their loss, not yours if they want to act so horrid. Shame on them all, but the laugh is on them when they will never get to know your child if their actions don’t improve.

I think that is a good tactic to inform the hosipital, nurses are REALLY good about being the gatekeepers and doing what the parents wish. Most likely your Darling Husband is probably going to be so wrapped up in you and your new baby that the thought of them and even calling them will be very small.

I say try not to stress about it but I know it’s hard. I am 3 1/2 months away and I do think about it as time gets closer and worry but I realize that crazy people are going to do what they want no matter what and you just have to prepared yourself and be ready to handle it which you both sound like you are! Good luck!!

Post # 12
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think that being family doesn’t entitle you to anything… if they have no interest in your or your hubby or your baby, being related doesn’t mean they just have a right to visit.  You and your hubby have a right to set your boundaries, and enforce them.  Life’s too short to feel obligated to people for no reason.

Sorry if that seems harsh, I’m having one of those days, lol 🙂

Post # 14
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@mrskisstobe:

Maybe your husband could explain to his grandmother that because of all the stress right now with his mom/dad/brother he really doesn’t want them at the hospital because you’ll be in labor and neither of you would be able to cope with the added stress of dealing with the family drama? Maybe he could suggest to his grandma that she plan a “meet the baby” party at her house for a few weeks later to mollify her?

(I’ve never understood the whole family descending on the hospital to gawk on a relative in labor thing, myself. Just let the woman push in peace already! 🙂

Post # 16
Member
7387 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@sessaj: This 100%. Having access to your child is priviledge not a right. The grandma maybe nice and all but if she will allow herself to be manipulated by her children, then I wouldn’t even tell her. Only have supportive people come to the hospital. Keep the circle tight and tell your family to selective about who they tell. Once your out of the hospital, thats when I’d let the grandma know.

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