(Closed) Family drama. Kicked crazy sister out of bridal party. Advice please!

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

missapricott:  it’s your wedding and who you pick to be in your wedding party is up to you, not your family. They need to understand that you are trying to keep things peaceful and safe for everyone. Ask them to please be understanding of your concerns and stress that she is still invited but she has made you scared of even your wedding day and that day is very special to you. Don’t worry about having a flower girl if your other sister can’t do it. Have a backup for grandma walking you down. If they cannot be understanding of your situation, they are making the wedding about themselves and not you and your Fiance. And if so, you may need to deal with the fact that they’re not there. But I wouldn’t take chances with her if she is that unpredictable. 

Post # 17
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

missapricott:  I was sick for a very long time, much like you describe your sister.  We actually shared quite a few traits.  Please, do what you think is best, but realize that this is an illness.  No one wants to be that way.  It may take years of different meds, years of different therapies and therapists, and years of self-help before she really gets “better”.  She was on her meds.  A lot of meds that are mood stabilizers will work for just a short time and then they quit working.  It’s just not the right med for that person.  I’m so sorry you’re in this position.  I adore my sisters, but years ago (I’ve been good for about 8 years now) I was awful to them.  I was mean and horrible and nasty and as I laid awake at night, in moments of clarity, the regret of that ate me alive… it’s hard to even be around people when you feel like that.

 

If you don’t want her in your bridal party, don’t.  It’s your wedding.  You get this one day to call the shots.  Also, and this is deeply biased of me, don’t count her out yet.  Don’t severe all ties, not while she’s trying, even sporadically.  Not everyone who is mentally ill comes back, but some do.  It helps to know there’s a home somewhere to come back to.  

Post # 18
Member
836 posts
Busy bee

missapricott:  i would change your plans and have a secret wedding and not invite your family. I wouldnt even risk not inviting them since they ay crash it to ruin it, i would make it as secret as possible which i understand isn’t realistic right now since you are 3 months away from the wedding…

uninvite them and see how it goes? i dont even know but i would take their threat of ruining your wedding seriously.

that sucks.

Post # 21
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

missapricott:  I hate to say this but I do want to help and I want you to be prepared for the future: this is not over. If your wedding day goes perfectly and you give everyone what they want and you have a very harmonious perfect wedding day, it is still not over. There is a precedent set that these cycles of events are going to continue and when you have children they will still probably continue. Unfortunately, it would seem that all you can do in the situation is what you feel the right thing is to do. This is your wedding day if you don’t want a bridesmaid for whatever the reason then they should respect it however it doesn’t mean they are going to family or not. I would strongly suggest letting everyone know that you are not having her as a bridesmaid not just for you but also for her safety as you don’t feel like she is mentally capable of handling the responsibility. And in truth it doesn’t seem that she is mentally capable of handling this. Let everyone know that you want them there and regardless of what nasty things they may say let them know that the doors open to them to be there. All you can do is leave the door open and be kind but you can’t control their actions. Be prepared for retaliation and be prepared for your sister to come and try to ruin your wedding day, if anyone gets out of hand have security escort them out and deal with it on a later day. Its security knows ahead of time they will stop anything before it happens and you don’t even need to get your hands dirty. I’m not trying to sound mean I’m just trying to be pragmatic. I’m really sorry for your situation but you can’t go on continually appeasing people that can not be pleased. All it’s going to do is exhaust you and they will still be upset with you about something.

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