(Closed) Family Drama over Bridesmaid Choice

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Ugh. Sorry this is happening, they’re out of line and weddings do CRAZY things to people. Seriously, most of us have been there. I’d consider one of two things:

1) Have a Maid/Matron of Honor and a Bridesmaid or Best Man and have your sister be the Bridesmaid or Best Man or

2) Only have your friend as Maid/Matron of Honor. Do not give in.

Given what’s happened though, I’m leaning more towards #1 myself.

Post # 4
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’d just have them both. Of course, I try to avoid drama.

Or you could talk to your sister again. Tell her you do want her to be part of your wedding and had hoped she would do the readings, and hope she believes this is what you wanted all along and not something you are doing to appease her now.

Post # 5
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’d include your sister.  Really, is another Bridesmaid or Best Man going to complicate your ceremony?  I think it is important to include family.

Have you talked to your sister again? It sounds like you just got the info from your parents.  I’d call her again and say you’re just calling to double check about the Bridesmaid or Best Man situation and make sure she’s still fine if you ask a friend instead of her.  If she still says nothing to you about disappointment, I guess you could go ahead and ask your friend.

Post # 6
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You’re still including her in the ceremony, but you’re not having her stand up with you. I think it’s totally fine to keep things the way they are. You’re still going to have your sis be a very important part of the ceremony, in the program, and in all the family photos. Maybe have a special pic of you, Fiance, Maid/Matron of Honor, Bridesmaid or Best Man , sister and your FI’s siblings (if he has any)?

I’d talk to your sis again and try to get her to tell you what it is that’s bothering her about your decision. Does she want to help you plan? Does she want to help you get ready? Ask her what she wants to be a part of and make sure you try to include her in ways that are important to her. Really, the only thing she’ll be missing out on is buying a bridesmaids dress and holding a bouquet from the sound of things…
 

Post # 6
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I hate when family stuff like this comes up. It’s like people forget what the day is supposed to really be about. You approached your sister in the best way possible and it seems like she’s making it about her. It sounds so bridezilla to say it but the day really is about you and your SO. You should do what works best for you. 

Post # 7
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Tough situation. I understand you wanting to have a simple ceremony but also see how your sister and mom’s feelings are hurt. Would having 2 people be so bad? It would still be very simple and it would be the closest people to you standing up with you.

In the end, you need to do what is right for you. But it might be best to at least consider your sister’s feelings on this.

Post # 9
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@ssmiss: I wouldn’t throw your plan away yet. What if you talked to your sister, explained your logic and then asked her to be part of the wedding in a different way? Such as doing a reading.

To me, it sounds like she just wants to be a part of her sister’s day and that isn’t unreasonable. Give it some time for your mom to digest, when she called you, she was probably just knee-jerk reacting to your sister being upset. Calmly explain your vision and it can work it!

Post # 10
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Agree with PinkPinstripes. But if you are willing to go with none, maybe you should be open to having an uneven number. Neither will ruin the day.

Post # 11
Member
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Well, speaking from your sister’s perspective, my sister made her best friend Maid/Matron of Honor over me (I was a BM).  I didn’t cause any drama about it, but my sister and I have always been close, and I had always assumed that we would be each other’s Maid/Matron of Honor.  it really hurt.  Really, really.  So maybe talk to your sister again (with the opening now that your parents told you she was upset, so it’s ok to be honest) and see if you can find out what’s really bothering her.  Maybe its that she had always looked forward to being a part of your wedding, or maybe she thinks you are choosing your friend over her?  If you can find out the reason she is upset, you can determine if it would be better to have 2 attendants, or give her a different role, etc.

I’m sorry your Mom was so mean about it though.  Calling you hateful when you had already tried to talk to your sister about it was completely uncalled for.

Post # 12
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I hate when that happens, it is tottally understAndable and normal. Why dont you get kids to help you at church ceremony, it will look cute,original and nobody will be fitting.

Post # 13
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m going to be honest with you, Growing up it was always my sister and I we didn’t have the strongest relationship, but we are still SISTERS!! If my sister asked her best friend to be MOH over me I would be hurt. I am a firm believer that blood is thicker than water. If I were in your shoes I would ask my sister to be my Maid/Matron of Honor or have your sister as your Maid/Matron of Honor and your bf as a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

Post # 14
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I’m going to amend my previous post. I think you should not give in to the passive aggressive bs going on here. Tell your sister what your plan was, and that you still want her to do the readings. Then stick with your best friend, the one who has been close to you for the longest, as your Maid/Matron of Honor and have no one else.

Post # 15
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@ssmiss: I think that you selected your friend as Maid/Matron of Honor for a reason, so I would stand by that. If anything, you can make your sister a Bridesmaid or Best Man. That’s still a really small wedding party. My mom also had the view that all of us should have been BMs at my little sister’s wedding last month. I disagreed…it’s not an automatic role, it’s based on the people who you feel most comfortable with having stand with you on one of the most important days of your life….and the fact of the matter is…sometimes that’s not family.

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