(Closed) Family Drama over Bridesmaid Choice

posted 11 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

i think it makes it even easier given that your Fiance isn’t having his brothers either. i think you should find a different way to include all 3 siblings in the wedding (readings, ushers, etc) and just stick with your two best friends as the MOH/BM.

i must say, this makes me appreciate the fact that i have zero female relatives in my generation.

Post # 17
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree with the ladies that think it is best to include her, in the long run the wedding is about your entire family too! It is your day but would you rather have a slightly simplier ceremony (2 minutes shorter) or have your entire family happy and excitied that day? Unless it is really an uphill battle you want to fight for all of your wedding planning I would do what makes everyone happy. Planning a wedding is like a marriage, you have to pick your battles.

Post # 18
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee

I think you should have her.  It sounds like the biggest reason why you don’t want to ask, is because your Fiance happens to have two bros (not one) and a BF. And because of the uneveness, you’d rather just go with one bestie a piece.  Ehh.  I don’t think that’s a very good reason.  Have her.  Make the party uneven.

I would be hurt too, if my sister didn’t have me as BM.  You wouldn’t be a little hurt if she didn’t ask you?  What if she decided to have a large wedding party and didn’t ask you?

Post # 19
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Tanya123 could not have said what I was thinking any more clearly.

Post # 20
Member
1163 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@ssmiss:

Your wedding parties don’t have to be the same size, especially at a casual affair.

Good luck, though! We had some drama, too, because we both come from huge families with tons of siblings. 

Post # 21
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My mom is disappointed that I didn’t ask my sister to be in the wedding either, but personally, she’s always resented me and never once reached out me. I’ve called, left messages, sent gifts, invitations to visit my beach house, and she actually DELETES my facebook comments from her page (the ones inviting her to my house). All of her actions indicate that she’s not interested in a relationship. The way I see it, I want people up there and around me who have my best interest at heart, and if that’s not her, so be it. 

I think that asking your sister to be a reader in your ceremony is a great compromise, and your mother has raised expectations. Sounds like your father is great at putting things into perspective. 

Post # 22
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@ssmiss

 

I am so sorry for what you are going through, I had asked my best friend to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and my sister to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and my mother threw a fit.  I still have not made much progress on the situation. It is driving my sister and I crazy! My sister is totally fine with not being the Maid/Matron of Honor she said she doesnt want the responsibility. My mother is really stubborn I dont know what were going to do. My best friend is so great she said if my mother didnt settle down she didnt mind just being a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I also talked to my dad about it  ( he has always been the voice of reason in the family ) So for now I’m letting my dad handle it, if anyone knows how to handle my crazy mother its him

 

Post # 23
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would say your sister. It’s your wedding but it means as much to you as it does to them.  your best friend should understand.. b/c they will be with you through thick and then.. and yes your mother is emotional, but she just wants to see her girls happy. good luck

Post # 24
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Tanya123: I agree completely with your statement. I don’t see anything wrong with making the parties uneven. 

I understand your rationale completely, but I really think you should reconsider. When my sister got married, we were not as close as she was to some of her friends, but I was still her Maid/Matron of Honor. It was incredibly special and brought us closer together. I would have been so hurt if I hadn’t been asked to stand by her side that day.

If you and your sister had a terrible relationship, then I could maybe understand, but from what you said, it doesn’t sound like that’s the case. I think it would mean a lot to her to be included in your day as a member of the wedding party, and I think this is one case where you should definitely give in. Your wedding is about you and your hubby first and foremost, but it’s also about your families, and I think really including them is incredibly important.

Post # 25
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m going to disagree with most people and say stick to how you want it – your best friend as Maid/Matron of Honor. The last thing you want on your wedding day is to resent having to have BM/MOH’s you didn’t want in the first place. I completely get having to balance family expectations against what you want, and do understand that family (particularly parents) also have an emotional investment in the day. but you don’t want someone beside you that is there because your mother thought she should be. like someone else said, being a relative is NOT an automatic entitlement to being in the wedding party.

Post # 26
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Wow I’m feeling you on this. My mom is upset that I didn’t put my two sisters in my wedding. This conversation just went down a week ago.They are much older than me.. like 10 years and 15 years older than me, so I kinda grew up as an only child just because by the time I was 8 no one was left in the house. But one of my sisters and I are not close at all. and my other sister doesn’t care if I put her in the wedding or not, she isn’t like that. I never even thought having my sisters in the wedding was an expectation from people.I honestly picked two of my closest friends and didn’t even think about putting my sisters in the wedding.My two friends are excited about everything for me and are willing to sit there and put together 200 boxes if I needed and wouldn’t say a bad thing about it or wish they weren’t helping me.

I know a lot of people say oh but that is family and that is your sister. But in the end do what you want, or I am. That doesn’t make my sisters any less important to me. I want them sitting next to my family enjoying the day.

This is a crappy situation and I hope it works out the way you want it to and feel good about it.

 

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