Post # 1
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
So I’m engaged! Im pretty excited but it really hasn’t sunk in yet, I think that’s mostly because we haven’t announced it to most pepole yet. It happened while we were visiting his parents in the UK for New Years, but we found out shortly thereafter that there had been a death in the family so we thought it best to keep it between us for a while and until well after the funeral. So I got back to the U.S. last night and was planning on staying with my parents for the night before I make the 3.5 hour trek to my house. For the record, they knew he was going to propose and even gave their blessing (although they caused a lot of drama in the process). When I told them about the engagement and why we kept it quiet they were fine…but when I showed them the ring sh** hit the fan. My mother actually threw a plate. No joke.
I get that my ring is nontraditional – that’s what I wanted. I also understand that not everyone is going to like it, and thats fine by me. I did NOT expect plate throwing rampages. They told me that I’m clearly settling and “slumming” it and that my Fiance lied when he talked to them since he told them he was getting me a nice ring. They also told me that “I’m out of my f***ing mind for accepting such a cheap stone”. My mom was sobbing, my dad sat there in raging silence and I just left and drove home and we haven’t spoken since. I think at this point I’m seriously thinking about taking them out the wedding process entirely. Or am I overreacting to their overreaction?
Here’s a pic of the ring for reference 
It’s a rose cut “rustic” diamond (aka has visible inclusions). I hand picked everything about the ring, which my parents refuse to believe but I love it and I know that’s all that matters at the end of the day. (for what it’s worth it really doesn’t photograph well)
Anyone else have such strong negative reactions to their ring? How did you deal with it? Or am I the only one with an insane family?
Post # 2
Member
19 posts
Newbee
Darling, i don’t want to sound harsh, but why do you care? Honestly, someone is ALWAYS going to whine about this ring or that ring. We live in a world we’re we are so focused on the price tag that people are starting to forget that when it comes to the ring it’s truly the sentiment that counts. Let them talk and rage, in the end the ring isn’t there to make them or anyone else happy. Its there on your finger as a symbol of your love and devotion to each other. Don’t let anyone take that away from you, even if they are your parents. If this continues, tell them that this is not something that they actually have a say in and that you thought that it was YOUR happiness that mattered. Not their value of a ring.<br />Congratulations Noms..cake! And FYI, the ring is lovely as well as unique. I’m gushing over it!<br /><br />
Post # 3
Member
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I think it’s f’orgeous.
And I think the best way to shut them up is continue wearing it and loving it.
Post # 4
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
Your parents are the ones overreacting. He could have given you a well preserved onion ring as a symbol of his love. They forgot what marriage is about.
Post # 5
Member
1770 posts
Buzzing bee
If you love it, that is all that matters! Perhaps they are thinking the “flawed diamond” is all your Fiance could afford and are scared that he will not be able to provide for you and your future family. Even though it’s obvious that is how the ring is supposed to look. It’s a style and they aren’t understanding that aspect. Maybe they are more traditional in that they expected something different. I can see where they are coming from (obviously their reaction was not cool) but if your mom was told by your Fiance that he was getting you a nice ring, and they don’t understand the dynamic of yours (which is really unique and pretty) then she thinks she was lied to.
Post # 6
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
First of all, congratulations! And for the record your ring is gorgeous. I would say you have to cut them out of the planning. Do not accept a single cent from them (if they were planning on contributing). Let them be involved as guests only. If they lose it over a ring that is just not their style I would hate to see their reaction to guest list, venue, decorations…
Post # 7
Member
1931 posts
Buzzing bee
I have the same problem concerning wedding size. My Fiance and his family want a big wedding. I don’t. My family is estranged and I’ have no one to fill up the “hers” side. I get quite upset when people *tell* me what it is they think I want. My advice is to try as hard as you can not to let their opinions of what they think is the right ring influence how you feel. You picked it. You loved it. In the end, people are just…people. They don’t get why you wanted it and that’s OK. You don’t have to explain yourself to no one!
Post # 8
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
noms…cake: I’d leave them out of the wedding planning entirely… your ring, your call.
Everything will be fine, don’t worry about it.
Post # 9
Member
8027 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I think your ring is beautiful! I can’t imagine caring what my daughter’s engagement ring looked like unless it was a turd on her finger. I have 2 daughters and if either of them came home engaged with your ring I would think its awesome!
Post # 10
Member
9154 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
noms…cake: Holy cow, that’s so bizarre!!! Their reaction, not your ring LOL. I’m really sorry you had to deal with that. Is there more to it? Like, what was the drama when he asked their blessing — do they not approve of him in general? Because their reaction was completely unreasonable and truly puzzling. It’s one thing to think or even say they don’t like the ring, but to throw plates and have a crying meltdown? Over a ring?? Not even remotely normal. I would definitely exclude them from any wedding plans for now.
Post # 11
Member
552 posts
Busy bee
That ring is stunning!! i mean seriously beautiful….you need to tell your mother that a piece of jewelery has no reflection on the man/relationship or anything else …you say they were making waves before he proposed?…tell them to stay out of it you are an adult they need to accept that and let it go…and maybe try and be happy for you
Post # 12
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
Um…your mom threw a plate? Over your ring? Honey, you are in no way responsible for your mother’s behavior. She is the one at fault, not you. If you love your ring, that’s all that matters. Keep on wearing and loving it! And for the record, I think it’s gorgeous!
Post # 13
Member
911 posts
Busy bee
Wow, that is an insane overreaction. Your ring is beautiful. I can’t imagine why your parents would care so much about jewelry.
Is this totally out of character for them? Maybe it’s about something else? It just seems so nuts.
Post # 14
Member
3665 posts
Sugar bee
First of all, I love that ring. It looks very Game of Thrones/Ren Faire to me and I love that kind of thing. Before I saw your ring I was looking at rustic diamonds, they are cool. I’ve seen one or two others here on WB.
But the heart of the matter is this: you knew who your parents are before this incident. Normal adults don’t throw plates becuase their daughter gets a non-traditional ring. If you are honest here, you will admit that this is not the first time they’ve acted like idiots. This is not about a ring.
If, in the big picture, your parents are not supportive of your life choices, that’s not the worst thing in the world. It’s a fact of life that you will make choices in your life that they would not make for you.
Them behaving like 2 year old children about how you live your life–that’s another matter and should not be tolerated by you.
Personally, I stay far away from Drama Llamas. I find that that the chaos they create does not enhance my life. That’s so much harder to do with relatives, especially parents. But in the end, they are who they are and their behavior will likely not enhance your wedding and other key aspects of your life.
Perhpas it’s time to start setting firm boundaries. You likely will have a rough road ahead because it is difficult to maintain a relatioinship with parents who are overly controlling. So good luck!
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Post # 15
Member
1591 posts
Bumble bee
Wow! I can’t believe they are that upset over a RING! They are completely overreacting. The ring is beautiful!!