(Closed) Family drama over ring

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
5954 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

noms…cake:  It’s a gorgeous ring! Yes, it’s different, but that’s what makes life grand – the differences! I think the sides are like mine hehe. Anyway, yes, cut them out. They sound toxic. Have they always had such strong opinions on things?? They should truly be ashamed of themselves for not supporting you. I want to punch them.

Post # 17
Member
479 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Don’t worry I also got alot of backlash about my ring too. I had my night of crying and now I’m over it. I love my ring and that’s all that matters. Screw what everone has to say. I’m starting to figure out you need a hardshell for planning weddings. Someone is ALWAYS going to have something negative to say. By The Way your ring is super cute! This is an awesome time to happy don’t let anyone take this time away.

Post # 18
Member
2921 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Your ring is GORGEOUS. Yes, they overreacted, and it doesn’t sound to me like you overreacted to their overreaction. I do think you should back away from them some, because their priorities are clearly way out of whack. WAY out. I would seriously consider telling them (either in person or on the phone or via email or whatever is the way that makes the most sense to you) something along the lines of, “I love my ring, I love Fiance, and I don’t want to hear another negative comment about either of them. I hope that’s understood.”

Post # 19
Member
5188 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

noms…cake:  No offense to your family but reading that actually made me mad! It’s bad enough reading about the Baby Bees who think it’s all about the ring, but for your grown parents to be upset about it just blows my mind. It’s YOUR ring. Tell Mom she needs to simmer down and focus on her own jewelry. 

By the way congrats on your engagement! I think your ring is beautiful.

Post # 20
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Nice is subjective.  It’s like looking at art.  I might think that Jackson Pollock’s painting is nice and you might think it’s a hot mess.  You think your ring is nice and your opinion of it is the only opinion that matters.   <br /><br />The issue isn’t the ring.  The issue is something else.  Might be something as simple as they are having a tough time dealing with the fact that their daughter is ready to marry.  Because a ring does not show whether or not you’re settling or slumming.

Post # 21
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Here, show this to your parents, then plan your own damn wedding without them. 

Post # 22
Member
8246 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

noms…cake:  I’ll be honest – I’m not crazy about the ring either. But guess what – it’s YOUR ring and YOU love it! That’s ALL that should matter. If your parents are hung up on a piece of jewelry I think you need to sit them down and have a serious conversation about their feelings towards your relationship with your fiance. They are probably taking out other feelings about your man on the ring. You say that getting their blessing came with a lot of drama – maybe they didn’t really want to give their blessing? If they do love your fiance and are really just upset over the ring then there isn’t much you can do and I’d suggest paying for the wedding yourselves and picking everything yourselves since it sounds like they will want things their way if it’s their dime. 

Post # 23
Hostess
9688 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

noms…cake:  Your mom threw a plate? She doesn’t have to wear the ring! Why is she acting like a 2 year old? There HAS to be something else going on here… can you give us more info?

PS- congrats on your engagement and I love your ring. I hope you can work something out with your parents going forward. It really shouldn’t concern them.

Post # 24
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

I had a similar situation, with my mother as well.  She didn’t throw any plates, but it was still a minor issue.  When my Fiance and I got engaged, he gave me a beautiful .5 carat colorless round solitaire with four side diamonds on each side. I am absolutely in love with my ring and especially when it’s hit by the sun rays it is just radiant.  My mother is a tad bit materialistic and every now and again when she has a few glasses of wine, she says “well you need a microscope to see that” or “giving you half a carat is like giving you half his heart.” Meanwhile, her original engagement ring was only .8 carats, after my grandmother passed, my mother was given my grandmother’s 3.5 carat diamond, and my dad had it reset. I know she just wants the best for me, but sometimes these comments are unnecessary.  I just brush it off, i know she loves me.  Don’t let anyone’s opinion get to you because ultimately, no one is going to die if you mom isn’t happy with YOUR ring.  If you and your fiance are happy, thats all that matters!! Take Care <3

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  RavenAVlahos.
  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  RavenAVlahos.
Post # 25
Member
97 posts
Worker bee

Wow. Sorry you are going through this when it should be a happy time. I think your ring is lovely, and as so many have said, the most important thing is that you love it. As a mother of two daughters, I can tell you that it’s hard sometimes to give up the dreams we have for our children, our ideas of  what is best for them, and the desire to manage their lives for their own good. And whenever money comes into the mix, it complicates all those feelings even more. If you want your parents to be involved in planning your wedding, it sounds like you will need to give them some ground rules and boundaries. They may need to hear from you that you and your fiance plan to be responsible for your wedding and your lives,  while letting them know you love them and welcome their advice and help. Your relationships with your parents will inevitably change as you bring your fiance into your family. Try to take it a step at a time. Wishing you the best!

Post # 26
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I don’t think the plate throwing had anything to do with the ring.  I think there’s more to it than that.  OP … is there a dislike or some issue with your Fiance or your getting married?

Post # 27
Member
6373 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

Your ring is beautiful, wear it proudly.  Your parents overreacted big time; they will come around for sure, but I would leave them out of the planning until they grow up.

Post # 29
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Just read OP’s update…

Post # 30
Member
14969 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Are you serious?!  She threw a plate and cried over your ring?  Not to be mean, but maybe she should talk to a therapist about anger management and unreasonable outburst?  That is just not normal.  Settling?  Slumming?  Cause what?  His worth as a man and husband depends solely on the e-ring and how much money he spent on it?  Even if he were a billionaire and that was the ring you wanted, would that be settling and slumming?  Sounds like they have a problem with him and will continue to do so.  I wouldn’t count on them as part of the planning, but I wouldn’t shut them out either if you want a relationship with them.  I’d plan, bring things up, do little things to include them, but march on with or without their support in your decisions.

ETA after your update… ah, so it sounds like you come from a well to do family? And perhaps your Fiance does not have such a fortunate background or high income as your parents would like?

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