(Closed) Family drama over ring

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 76
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Your parents sound like mentally unbalanced, materialistic douchebags. Thank god you got away!!!

Post # 77
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Your parents are toxic and abusive. And your fiance should have NEVER asked your father to permission to marry. It just enables their dominance and toxicity. You should cut down your parents for anything related to paying for the wedding, planning the wedding or anything remotely influencial about your life.

 

They ARE abusive. It’s not that this time they “overreacted”. No. They are using emotional blackmail against you and it’s NOT the first time. Run, instead of seeking their approval. Just run.

 

And learn to say “Mom, stop. I’m not going to listen to your emotional blackmail. I’m leaving now. We can talk when you behave normally” and just LEAVE. 

 

It is utterly ridicolous for parents of an adult person to act like that. It’s pathetic. It’s crazy. And not “sweet-crazy”. Sweet crazy is a grandma that wants to stuff you with cookies and home made meals. People that abuse you are just crazy. 

Post # 78
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Your ring is gorgeous. Not everyone is going to like it because it’s not everyones style. It’s different and not your average ring, but nonetheless, it is freaking gorgeous. When people asked about my ring before seeing it I would get a negative reaction because it is a black diamond and they thought a black diamond was odd for an engagement ring. But I LOVE it and I love yours too.

Post # 79
Member
6524 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

noms…cake:  1) congrats!!!! 2) your ring is unique and beautiful, i love the setting 3) your parents are crazy and you should tell them that the engagement is not about the ring. Its about the love committment between two people and want to spend the rest of their lives together loving, carig and supporting eachother and that their reaction was cruel, and judgemental! 

Dont take what they said or how they acted to heart. All that matters is that you love it.wear it proudly!

Post # 81
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

noms…cake:  Of course it is sad and you have a right to be sad and mourn over it. We, people with dysfunctional families, won’t have experiences people with happy loving families get, and unfortunately there’s no way around it.

But you still can have wonderful, amazing, beautiful wedding and more importantly, beautiful and amazing marriage. And I don’t know if you’re planning children, but I bet your parents will try to influence your decisions regarding raising your kids if you do. If you draw the boundary now, it will be much easier for you in the future with children, with moving to Europe, with whatever else you want and whatever else is important for you. 

Good luck! You are strong, and you are brave. And you can do it. It is difficult to stand your ground, but it does get easier, I promise you that. And it gives a sense of empowerement nothing else does. It is freeing. I’m sure you’ll cry over it many times right now, but in 30 years, possibly anticipating our daughter’s marriage (if you intend to have children) you’ll know that you’ve made the right choice and in that choice, you’ve given an amazing chance to your own marriage, to your own children that won’t hve to deal with what you have to deal right now. 

Post # 82
Member
238 posts
Helper bee

FauxPas2012:  This is such a good perspicacious  reply . I do hope the OP reads and is comforted by it. Indeed it is not about the ring .

Post # 83
Member
238 posts
Helper bee

noms…cake:  Yep, elope,  wonderful idea. Particularly as you will be thousands of miles away when you start your happy life. I guess you will need to make it OK with your  fiance’s parents after but if they know anything abou  yours they will hopefully understand.

PS lovely ring   

Post # 84
Member
949 posts
Busy bee

noms…cake:  First of all, congratulations! I think your ring is stunning, and yes, your parents are definitely overreacting.

Post # 85
Member
3305 posts
Sugar bee

Firstly, congratulations on your engagement! 🙂

Umn, I don’t see why the ring has one single thing to do with them – if you love it, they should (to put it bluntly) just shut the fuck up since it’s not THEIR fingers its going on.

If my parents ever acted like that… I don’t know what I would do. Their behaviour is totally out of line!

Post # 86
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Gorgeous ring! Sorry about your parents having an overthetop reaction. I’d say, leave them out of the planning… that said, you could always do a greek theme wedding with plate throwing (sorry, bad joke).. seriously though, the fact that your dad also made the ‘has consequences’ comment to your fiance, well, I would be grateful to be putting the distance of being across the pond as it were. They both sound controlling, and I would venture a guess that much of their acting up might have to do with the fact that you are moving eventually to the UK, making your own decision to marry and will be part of a ‘normal’ happy family, where you will not be ‘under their thumb.’ Change like would send their world as they know it on its axis… 

 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  MrsM2015.
Post # 87
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

babeba:  bahahah!! yep, that sums it up!

Post # 88
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I hate when people comment, “Oh he must really love you” when they see a nice ring. I was told that before and just said well I would have felt just as loved with a piece of string tied around my finger. It’s jewelry, you choose what you want. 

Post # 89
Member
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Your ring is stunning! So unique and absolutely does NOT look “cheap”! I haven’t read all of the comments but I’m positive everyone said it’s gorgeous. You should print out those comments and give them to your parents LOL.

I had similar reactions (not as extreme and not from my parents) about the size of my ring. It is a 1/4ct. gorgeous ring but it’s not the big honking full carat or more. I’ve gotten the “oh…. that’s…. cute” reactions from a lot of people and the sympathy smile of “oh dear, this poor girl must have a cheap fiance”. While talking about getting engaged I always told my Fiance I don’t want some big fancy ring. I am a small, simple girl and I never wear jewlery to begin with. I would NOT want him spending $5k plus on a piece of jewelry. For those that want that, that’s fantastic! All rings are beautiful in their own way. He went and picked out the ring completely on his own and said he never wanted input from anyone on a style to get. It is his gift and promise to me and should come solely from him. The ring to us is truly a symbol or our love, which sounds lame but it’s the truth! It’s not about the size or how much he spent. People JUDGE and don’t understand.

It sounds like your parents have other issues with your Fiance and I think seeing the ring on your finger just solidified that you two, are in fact, getting married and I think their reaction is more about the marriage than the ring itself (just going off what you said about there being drama when he asked for their blessing). I would sit down and talk to them about it. Ask them if it’s just the ring that bothers them or if there is more going on. In the end, explain to them how much you love each other and reassure them that he will take care of you for the rest of your lfie. Some parents have a hard time letting go of their children to another person and are simply worried someone else cannot take care of their precious child as well as they can.

Post # 90
Member
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Just read through your updates and some comments, obviously you already know it’s about them worrying Fiance can’t take care of you the way they can.

I am concerned about your father though. I do not understand why he would have that lunch with your Fiance, say what he said to your brother and then completely forget or not understand that the conversation was about getting engaged???? What’s up with that???? Is it memory loss, or did he talk to your mother after the lunch and change his mind???

I’m sorry you have to go through this. While they sound like awful people, I won’t judge because I don’t know them. They are a product of their upbringing and culture. If they have always lived lavishly and relied on materialistic things to value themselves, it’s a sad existance but they just don’t know any different. Luckily, your upbrining did not produce the same results but understand that maybe…just maybe!… it’s not them being cold hearted, they just cannot comprehend any different. Prove to them that you can live happily without the “country club” lifestyle and maybe one day they will come around. Take everything they say with a grain of salt.

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