noms…cake: Hey! I think its a shitty situation you had to go through, and your parents sound, well, unique, if I may put it nicely. I am really sorry you had to go through this ordeal when the occasion should be joyous.
i read over your story and your responses (as well as responses from other bees), and although some people may telling you to exclude your parents or elope, the decision may not be that simple. Although it is easy to just say “eff it, let’s elope” if you are angry over family drama, decisions are always made best when we are in our wise-mind. At the end of the day, you need to ask yourself a couple of questions. The way I see it, there are three questions to consider that will render three different results:
1) Do you want to continue the way things are, and try your best to ignore the comments and drama from your parents (by the way, I think this is WAY easier said than done, I feel like people are implying that it will be easy to just ignore various comments, but your parents opinions can have an effect on you even if you don’t realize it. They don’t have to love the ring, but they also don’t have to throw plates or even make negative comments about the ring either. Just thought I would add that in case their comments are still getting to you ad you feellike you *should* ignore them, which isn’t necessarily true or easy, not to sway your thinking)?
2) Would you like to cut off contact from your parents or have a more strained relationship?
3) Would you like them to understand that you are 26, indepenent, and you won’t always see eye-to-eye with them on everything in life, but you would still like them to respect your decisions and your own unique way of doing things? (they certainly don’t have to like it, but they can respect it).
The reason I ask is that I feel like excluding them or eloping may add more feul to the fire. Your parents sound like they are hot-headed and set in their ways, so it is unlikely that they will ever see eloping or exclusion as a result of their behaviour, and may even see it as milicious. I know it may not seem like a big deal now at this point in your life and relationship, but it can still carry on. I will give you an example. My boyfriend’s sister is 17 years older than him and we saw the ‘eloping’ path play out as a result of his unreasonable parents. They didn’t like her future husband and caused A LOT of unnecessary drama around the wedding. Instead of trying to really figure out the problem or work on the issue as a family, my Future Sister-In-Law and her now-husband eloped. My boyfriend’s parents are stubborn and hot-headed (they didn’t talk for 5 years over it), and to this day, they remember how hurt they were. Moreover, though they felt releif at the time, my Future Sister-In-Law and her husband regret that decision now. At the end of the day, a wedding IS mostly about the couple, but I come from a big fat Greek family which is a little more collective, and a daughter getting married is just as important to parents as it would be important to the bride (and I am not exaggerating). My Future Brother-In-Law feels like he robbed his father-in-law the opportunity to walk his daughter down the aisle, and now that he has a daughter, he deeply regrets the decision.
I know that people have thrown in their opinions, but at the end of the day, you have to consider what YOU want and the type of relationship YOU and your fiance want to have with your parents. I work in counseling and family therapy, believe it or not, these issues can be handled and delt with, and it may better your relationship. I know counselling isn’t about giving advice but more about working with what the client wants as a goal, so I am sorry that I gave my two-cents. But there is only so much I can do with one post from behind a keyboard, LOL. I also feel like I may be adding a perspective that hadn’t been added.
Anyway, I wish you all the best with your decision, and I hope you are happy overall! your ring is beautiful and you sound like you are strong, independent, and decisive, which are incredible strengths. I hope your parents appreciate that about you 😀