(Closed) Family drama over ring

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 106
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’m going to play “Devil’s Advocate”, the e-ring represents status in some cultures.  Especially in the older generations.  Your ring isn’t for everyone or for everybody.  Your parents probably believe that you lower your standards for your FH.  This is a ring that you will be wearing for the rest of your life and they aren’t sure if you “really” like it or did you settle.  I’m curious, what did your friends say about your e-ring?  If you think your parents were inapprociate; friends can be much worst.

Post # 107
Member
1308 posts
Bumble bee

robinvalentine:  I think if any of my friends pitched the fit her parents did, or even close, they would no longer be my friend.  Her mother threw a plate for goodness sake.  That’s unacceptable, in the face of an ENGAGEMENT no less!

I think the question here is whether or not she should really be reacting to her parents reaction.  My answer would be no.  It doesn’t matter what is or is not tradition, what matters is common courtesy and showing support for your child, with this future bride clearly doesn’t have in this moment.  I’m hoping her parents eventually come around, but she needs to know that the behavior is unacceptable.  

What really sticks a fork in it for me is that they gave her Fiance the blessing, until they saw the ring, which only screams “materialistic” to me.  Tradition is making a woman your wife at the right time and caring for her, not buying her the biggest ring.  They can’t pull the “traditional” card for this one, just the materialistic card, and possibly trying to live vicariously through their child.  

Post # 108
Member
3029 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

noms…cake: LOVE your ring. It looks like something an elf would get married with in of Lord of the Rings. So pretty and magical-looking! 

Wow, it sounds like your mom has some sort of personality disorder. My condolences! 🙁 My mom has narcissistic personality disorder, and honestly she could have written that text, though she would be too lazy to threaten to tow your car.

These types of people are incapable of feeling remorse or taking responsibility for their own behavior. Every horrible thing they say and do is YOUR FAULT in their universe, and therefore, they’ll never see a reason to change.

I’d just cut your parents loose and focus on your husband’s awesome family as a source of emotional support. I have a lot of friends with crazy dysfunctional families because we all seem drawn toward one another, and all except one had tiny weddings of like 30 or less people (like me) or just eloped. The one person who did include her vile family was a SAINT. I don’t know how she did it. 

Post # 109
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Skirball Cultural Center

Don’t worry. I have a crazy family too. there was screaming over the shape of the diamond. Round vs. cushion – I wanted cushion. My aunt works in the diamond industry. So they said all These crazy things Saying why we shouldn’t get married if we didn’t have the money for the ring. Although they love my fiancé like a lot they still weren’t kind with their words. We stopped looking for two years after they forced us to pick a round then we sold it back out Cuz it made me so upset evertime I looked at It. This all happened before he even proposed. Fast forward two years. We didn’t involve them at all my fiancé picked out the diamond that he knew I would love. We are getting married because we are in love and everything is kept between us and whoever shows up at the wedding will show up. But my family was fine with the diamond and etc. once they saw how beautiful it is. But there is always family drama with weddings so I expect it. There was more hiccups with MY family but at the end of the day I am glad to be marrying my man because he really makes all those things not matter. It also definitely makes me wanna change my last name to his. Especially since his family was so much nicer about everything. 

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