- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2016
I’m going to try to give as much context as I can, but understand that this has been going on for over 8 years of my life. My grandpa has been married twice. The first time he had three kids: my mom, my aunt, and my uncle. My biological grandma took off when my mom was two years old (she’s the second oldest). My grandfather got remarried and had 5 more children. They are still married. She is my grandmother. Period. However, when I was 17 years old, my biological grandmother decided to come back into our lives. She is sweet, but she does over indulge to make up (I guess) for lost time. She’s very much into saying that we are her grandkids and that she loves us very much, etc..While I do love her and care about her, I do not feel that she is my grandmother. I see her once or twice a year–never while my real grandmother/grandpa are around; though they are aware of the meetings. When my grandpa married his first wife, his brother married her sister, which means my great aunt and uncle are still around for all of the family gatherings. So my biological grandmother knows everything that is happening. I know that she exchanged some nasty words to my grandmother several years back (around my parents’ wedding) and it has been strained ever since.
However, now that I’m getting married, I was trying to decide on the guest list. My great aunt and great uncle are attending. Through the grapevine, my biological grandmother got word and complained that she was not going to receive an invitation. I thought about it, prayed about it, and then my grandma called me. She told me that if I wanted to invite my biological grandmother that she was totally okay with it and that she wanted me to have a special day with everyone. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, but I also didn’t want to hurt the feelings of my biological grandmother. I decided to invite her. Now, we have been sending our invitations out in small waves because we have been waiting for addresses to trickle in, the numbers, etc. Her invitation, while addressed, has not gone out yet and would have gone out in this next wave (Saturday). Yesterday though, she was sending my aunt (my mom’s sister, not my great aunt) all kinds of nasty texts complaining that “We obviously weren’t inviting her and that we obviously don’t care about her,” etc. She went on and on–which my aunt obviously told my mom about. Now I am truly concerned about how she is acting. The guest list is FH and I’s choice, so I’m not even entirely sure why my aunt was brought into this, but I do NOT appreciate my biological grandmother’s behavior. She is saying all sorts of things on the assumption that she is not getting an invite when the invite is sitting on my desk. Given her past behavior and her current outburts, I’m seriously doubting my initial choice to invite her. There will be alcohol at the wedding and she is notorious for being a rowdy drinker. All of these things make me think that I should tell her that she cannot come to my wedding. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but she has created a potential situation that I do not want at my wedding. It breaks my heart, but I can see her using this and then going to my wedding telling everyone that I’m her grandbaby and I’m married, etc. She keeps sending me engagement cards and messages–I guess in an attempt to guilt me into inviting her. It’s not making me feel excited or even confident about having her come. My mom wanted to talk to her, but I would rather her be upset with me. After all, it’s my wedding and it’s my choice. There’s no since in her being upset with anyone else if I say that I don’t feel comfortable with her attending anymore. Am I overreacting by wanting to pull her invite? I just don’t appreciate her creating added stress and strain on the planning process. Ugh, I hate being put in this position!!! Why do weddings seem to bring out the crazy in everyone?!
Thanks in advance!