Post # 1
Since I got engaged to my Fiance, my cousin got pregnant and engaged and married – which is wonderful. What is not wonderful is that she didn’t invite my finance to her wedding, inspite of the fact we were engaged before they were. They then decided to have a second wedding ‘as she wanted a wedding where she could party’ 2 weeks before mine. My mum told my aunt how unhappy she was with this arrangement, as people would have to travel to our hometown twice in a month, she moved the date an extra week forward.
Since then she’s had the baby, which is lovely, but then decided to have the baby’s christening on the day that my sister is having her blessing as she and her husband eloped this year. This means my family have to decide whether to go to my sisters small blessing or her babies christening.
Here’s why I’m thinking twice. We are having a smallish wedding 70ppl, so we’ve already had to cut back on people we’d like to invite but can’t. If we don’t invite my cousins and partners that 6 places saved that we could use for friends.
What are peoples thoughts?
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Whom do you really want at your wedding? The friends or the cousins? With a guestlist that small you can make that cut but make sure it’s across the board (i.e. no cousins for you or your FH period.) That way if anybody asks you can honestly say, “we decided not to invite any of the cousins because the venue can only hold so many people and unfortunately that is where we had to cut the list to make our numbers.”
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
*Just make sure it doesn’t get out that you are actually doing this purposefully in retaliation because honestly that is exactly what it is going to look like.
Post # 5
I agree with PP, that if you don’t mind not inviting your other cousins, then don’t invite her. I have a cousin who I didn’t want to invite to my wedding, but because I want to invite my other cousins, I will invite her as well.
Post # 6
I’ve already asked my youngest cousin to be a flowergirl which makes it hard to cut all the cousins out. It’s just a shame to have to reluctantly invite anyone!
Post # 7
@Mrs-Sept-2013: This means my family have to decide whether to go to my sisters small blessing or her babies christening.
Hmm no, you go to your sister’s blessing. And you don’t have to invite if you keep the guest list consistant as outlined by other posters.
Post # 8
Hi Brooklyn b2b,
I and my immediate family of course will be going to my sisters blessing but for my grandparents and other extended family members it creates a problem. Should have clarified.
Post # 9
@Mrs-Sept-2013: I totally misunderstood, I thought this was your FH cousin. Sorry, it’s your cousin. Your extended family will figure it out. As long as you are comfortable with what you doing that is what matters. If she is so self centered to bring it up about your immediate family attending your sisters blessing…sorry but F her.
As for your wedding, doesn’t sound like you are that close. If its a budgetary concern, I say cut her and invite people that you really care about. However, only you know if this will cause tensions within your family. Maybe exclusing her will not be worth it in the long run.
Post # 10
I feel like if you have friends or other family that you’d much rather have at your wedding because they mean more to you then I say invite them, and if there happens to be any room left over then invite this cousin in question, but even if you cannot invite her in the end is it going to be a huge deal?
I say weigh your choices. To me I’d much rather look back on my wedding day, and skim through my wedding photos and see people I’d be happy remembering that surrounded us with amazing memories and loving support.
Would other family, or even this cousin cause problems if she is not invited? It seems like she has a lot on her plate anyway, so maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if you do not invite her? Would you be willing to accept any repracussions if she gets upset if you decide not to invite her?
For me and my Fiance we’ve already decided that some family members are not invited to the wedding, and we’re ready to accept any backlash of that choice and are at peace with it, so for us a decision like this is an acceptable one. One of the questions I’ve asked myself many, many times during the wedding planning process is “How many etiquette rules should I follow before me and my fiance’ are no longer running/planning our own wedding but instead having rules and people dictate our event?”
Post # 11
I guess it depends on how close you are to your cousin and how important it is to have her there over your friends. You have a small list to work with so you’d have to choose by importance. There are some cousins of mine that I am inviting and some that, while I USED to be close to, not close enough and could not afford to invite them.
Post # 12
@Mrs-Sept-2013: I am inviting only SOME of my cousins to my wedding. it depends who you are close with…..you could just invite her and not her husband.
Post # 13
I have cousins here there and everywhere. We’re inviting select ones because it is such a small affair. Hopefully everyone will understand.