(Closed) Family Drama — VENT LONG

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How to handle the Aggressive Aunt?
    Continue to make up excuses for why she can't come visit. : (4 votes)
    11 %
    Tell her she has offended my husband and is not welcome in our home. : (17 votes)
    49 %
    Reduce contact and attempt to only see her in neutral 3rd party places. : (13 votes)
    37 %
    Tell Hubs to "get over it" and keep inviting her up, even though I'm upset for days afterward. : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    860 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    It seems like you don’t want your aunt or cousins there either.

    Inheritance issues are tough.  Frankly, if your aunt doesn’t know that your grandmother wrote her out of the will and thinks she has been “cheated” I am surprised she has any cotact with your family at all.  But that is besides the point.

    I vote for making excuses for why she can’t come.  Go only to her house.  If you feel your husband’s opinions are justified, you should back him up.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3709 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    IMO your husband is in the right. Why WOULD he want people in his home that don’t respect it, your marriage, or the hard work that he is putting in to provide a good life for the two of you? Sharing blood does not make you a family and when you got married you vowed to put your husband first. I don’t think he is being unreasonable at all. In fact, I think he is being more than reasonable by even allowing you to have them over when he is gone. These relatives sound toxic and you might be better off following other relatives lead by asking them not to visit or arranging visits outside of you home.

    EDIT: I voted for the second and third choices. Tell her that she offended not only your husband, but YOU as well. You two are a unit and you shouldn’t single him out. AND you should limit contact and when you do have contact, let it be somewhere other than your house.

    Post # 5
    Member
    624 posts
    Busy bee

    While dodging the subject is often easier, it sometimes comes out in the end anyways.  You need to set boundaries with this woman.  Don’t take this the wrong way but she stays that many days because you let her. If her 2 day visit turns into a week it is because you did not stand up for your family.  Discuss beforehand how long she will stay.  If at day 2 she mentions she will be staying longer, simply tell her that staying with you after tonight does not work for you and she needs to find other arrangements.  And stick to your guns.

    I voted to tell her that she is offending your husband but really I think you should tell her that she is offending you both and you no longer want her in your house as long as she continues to disrespect you.  Don’t throw your DH under the bus here. 

    EDIT: If she says she will start to respect you and does for the first couple of visits and then goes back to her old ways, you need to a.) tell her to find a place to stay for the remainder of her visit or b.) not allow her to stay at your house ever again. 

    This woman is not used to consequences and is used to getting her way.

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    624 posts
    Busy bee

    If you do in fact decide to set boundaries I can almost guarantee you that they will rebell against them but you just have to keep repeating it and sticking to it.  It’s hard and ever frustrating but it needs to be done.

    Post # 10
    Member
    624 posts
    Busy bee

    Haha…I recently was reminded myself on how great distance can be!

    Yes, if you go now, it’s easier, you don’t have to listen to your mom complain but this sets a precent for the future.  You need to voice what you will and won’t tolerate.  I get you may want to go to support your mom but she is the one making the choice to do all this driving.

    Post # 11
    Member
    435 posts
    Helper bee

    I don’t really understand.  Is your aunt forbidden from knowing she was written out of the will? 

    Post # 13
    Member
    435 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.  It’s a shame what greed does to some people.

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