(Closed) Family Drama, Want to Confirm I'm Right

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would tell your Future Father-In-Law that it’s up to Denise whether she brings her husband or not and that he should take it up with her. Tell him it’s improper etiquette to break up a social unit, and you’ve already invited him, so it’s out of your hands. Maybe she would prefer to leave him at home, anyway, and your Future Father-In-Law and Denise can work it out themselves.

Post # 4
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

How does Denise (FI’s sister) feel about it? Does she want him uninvited? 

Post # 5
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well I agree with your Fiance if Denise is the one that doesn’t want her husband there. I think you need to find out from Denise what’s going on and if she wants him there. 

This is a case where you can uninvite someone. (ETA: if she doens’t want him there)

I would also say that you will end up taking sides – her husband is not your family if they divorce while she will always be your FI’s sister. 

Post # 7
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think it’s up to Denise.  If she’s uncomfortable with him  being there is one thing.  I’d sit them on the other side of the reception place from each other but you should talk to your Future Sister-In-Law.

Post # 8
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Address the invite to both Denise and her husband and let them sort it out. They are both adults and you or your Future Father-In-Law shouldn’t try to guess what they will think the best arrangement will be.

Post # 9
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

Well, your wedding is in October…. I would just wait and see. They may get back together or they may separate, anything can happen in a month….

Post # 10
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Well if the husband really did threatend your FIs father then I would uninvite him. Why ask for drama at your wedding?

I doubt the husband would even want to attend.

Post # 11
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You are absolutely right not to respond to your FIL’s demands. I would also not respond right now to Denise — her relationship with her husband is between them and private. Don’t jump the gun if they are trying to work things out and will play nice at your wedding. I wouldn’t do anything until closer to the wedding and only if it becomes absolutely necessary.

Post # 12
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I would invite Denise’s husband. Denise is in the wedding party, and if they are really working things out I would say invite. If he wants to attend your wedding considering all the drama that is going on, the option is there. I think to uninvite him might cause more drama, and maybe create a void between you and your FI’s sister. Good luck! 

Post # 13
365 posts
Helper bee

Agreed. Leave it up to Denise.

If Future Father-In-Law has an issue with the husband, that’s up to him to figure out. He can’t have you lash out at husband on his behalf.

Post # 14
5662 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would leave it alone like you said. They are married, it’s not up to you to decide she shouldn’t bring them because of THEIR marital problems OR their issues with her parents. I would take the not getting in the middle stance, it’s her and her husbands decision wether he comes or not.

Post # 15
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think this is Denise’s call, and she should take it up with her father.  You don’t need to be in the middle of their drama. 

Post # 16
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would also leave it up to Denise. Just let her know that if something happens from now till then, to let you know if she decides not to bring him. You can easily have your venue remove a chair from the table.


Side note: where is Denise’s husband going to sit? Do you have a head table and plan on sitting him with FFIL? I hope not! Maybe tell Future Father-In-Law that while Denise’s husband will attend, he will not be near them anyway?

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