- 9 years ago
Hope all are enjoying their weekend. I am in need of some advice and thoughts on what others would do.
Little back story, DH and I have been married about a year and a half, expecting our first in 5 weeks! YAY!
With that since our wedding we have had no relationship with DH mother or sister. It’s a long drawn out story but bottom line his mother is very controlling and selfish and basically did everything in her power to make DH not get married. She had issues with everything with our wedding. She refused to accept me or the relationship and really ruined our engagement.
She refused to accept that DH and I had a budget, even though she cried that she was broke every day and never once offered to contribute anything but wanted to have a say in every one of our money choices. She had a fit that we had to cut her wedding list down due to our budget, and her response was ” that was HER gift to us was inviting those people so they would send us money” yet it was at OUR expense. We told her if she wanted the additional people she would have to pay, and of course we were called rude and disrespectful because we told a broke women that.
DH and I were also paying for our Rehearsal Dinner, so we strickly kept the invites to parents and bridal party that was it. SHe felt that all of her out of town family and friends should be included, we again said, no this is what we can afford.
Due to a lot of the issues with her, she told most of extended family to not come to our wedding, so most of DH aunts and uncles didn’t even respond, and we never did get even a congrats from them. There was one Aunt and Uncle who lived 5 hours a way that did not send back a response so DH called, and he was greeted with a very nasty NO, because their children were not invited.
The day of our Rehearsal Dinner was a total horror scene. We arrived at the location of the dinner to find, the SAME Aunt and Uncle who flat out told us NO to the wedding were now at the Rehearsal Dinner with their 3 kids and their kids 2 friends. DH mother’s friend was there, and DH other 2 cousin’s were there. So we now had in total 10 extra people that we did not account for or budget and who were NOT invited to the Rehearsal Dinner. DH mother was NO WHERE to be found. DH and I were freaking out because we brought enough money to cover who was supposed to be there, we didn’t have a table or seats set up for the extra 10 people, we didn’t know what to do, and the Uncle kept coming up to us saying “what’s the deal when do we eat and where do we sit”.
My DH handled it well and said we had to work on getting an extra table set up and he was honest and said we were not expecting you to be here since you said you were not coming but we are working on getting things figured out.
My parents saved us by offering to pay for the extra 10 people for the Rehearsal Dinner, which was $50 a person, so not cheap at all. However, for the wedding it was a $150 a person and there ws just no way we could add the 7 extra people at that point and we said NO Children from the start. We didn’t say this to The Aunt and Uncle but were waiting to address the issue with DH mother once she got there.
In the meantime, we extended an offer for the extra 10 to sit down and enjoy dinner. It was beyond stressful, then DH mother finally shows up and punched DH father, she started F bombing me and my family, she caused SUCH a scene we had to call the police on her. With that the AUnt and Uncle tell us they are not staying for the wedding, thank god because in the fit of all the drama DH mother refused to pay for them and said WE WERE RUDE for even making an issue out of it.
SO now to the main part of this! We haven’t spoken to DH Mother since that night, well she found out we were expecting in 5 weeks and wouldn’t you know she deciedes to start calling us. Not for the sake of asking about the baby or anything but for the sake to REHASH and continue to scream injustice. She called 5 times last week and left ranting messages, finally DH called her back to basically say stop calling and it turned into a long fight, one of the main things that was brought up was the Rehearsal Dinner and her accusing me and DH of bein selfish and rude to her and her family. DH flipped and basically said your family showed up with friends and kids and put us in a horrible spot, at $50 a person that isn’t cheap and something you can just pull out and pay for her. Her response was there was plently of food for everyone, and DH said that is NOT the point at all and hung up.
A few days later we got a VM from her saying that since we so rudely accused her and her family of mooching when all they were doing was attending our wedding, she will send a check for 5 PEOPLE at $20 a head to reimburse us.
Well I finally got that check, DH wants to return the check, I feel like again this nut job totally missed the point and not for nothing how tdo you hear $50 and 10 extra people then say $20, for 5 people, either you do it whole heartly or you don’t do it at all. I spoke to my parents about it and offered to give the check to them and they said no, that DH and I should keep it since it’s the only thing we will ever see from this women and put it into the savings for the baby. But I feel like if we cash it then its just allowing her continue to act the way she is, but I also want to say where is the rest of the money you fool! LOL
SO what would others do?? sorry this was so long for a Sat post!