(Closed) family drama with mothers

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Not at all. This MOB was married 35 years ago. In our situation, we’re paying for 100% (75k) and we do want some say in what the money is used for. I’ve heard too many horror stories where the parents pay for everything, the couple makes all the decisions, and the parents have regrets.  Our couple has only attended a few of weddings as adults. They’ve discussed the pros and cons, but have welcome the experience that parents can bring to the decision making.

Years ago I think being the MOB was a bigger deal – more a center of attention, but I’m totally not that way.

Even so, there has been some conflict about how the bride and groom want to spend the budget. There were a few things that the FOB and MOB requested i.e. The groom wanted to hire a local club/bar band, instead of one that could play music for all ages. We’re still arguing about speeches. The parents say NONE, since we’ve experienced more than we’d ever want to hear. It’s an ongoign process, with lots of give and take.

Post # 4
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My mom was a true delight during wedding planning! Her own mother ran roughshod over her (my mom claims the only thing at the wedding she picked was the groom).  She actually walked to the venue from her parents’ house with my dad to avoid some drama at the house and it took almost an hour before the MOB noticed the bride wasn’t there.  As a result, my mom was almost too hesitant to offer any opinion during planning (and my parents paid 75% of the bill with my in-laws covering the rest).  Luckily we have similar views on basic things and my mom is smart enough to know that small things don’t matter enough to fight over (especially if it’s an issue of personal taste rather than guest comfort).  

Post # 5
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Neither my mother nor my Mother-In-Law want any input at all (and my parents are paying for the wedding)

Its to the point where im almost begging for an opinion!! I’d like them to have more input, but Id rather this way then having my entire wedding dictated to me

Post # 6
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Nobody wants to write a post about people all getting along happily! And if they did, nobody would read it.

Post # 7
Member
4337 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Aside from a few arguments over family invites and such, my mom was pretty good – she had problems with a few ideas inititally because she couldn’t envision them, but eventually agreed that I would handle the decor, since I was paying for much of that element. (My Mother-In-Law was amazingly un-demanding.)

I think part of it is that, at least for my mother’s generation, weddings were more standardized (typical church wedding), and often planned by the bride’s parents, so she assumed it would be similar when her daughter got married, which wasn’t the case.

Granted, MOBs are just people, so some are bound to be selfish or anti-wedding, but others may just be thrown off-balance by how things have changed.

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