(Closed) Family Drama…need some advice (long rant)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8453 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Sorry this is happening to you.  Sometimes weddings just bring out the worst in people we love.  I think that when parents pay for their children’s weddings, they start thinking it’s their wedding too.  Yes, it would be great if financial support came with no strings attached, but it never seems to work out that way.  The way I see it is, you have two choices: put your cousins in the wedding (jr bridesmaids, ushers, etc) and let your parents pay for it, or save up yourselves and have your wedding the way you want it.  You will never please everyone, it’s just a fact that comes with weddings.  Best of luck, hopefully you can give your cousins a bit part (like a reading or ushering or something) and it will be a good enough compromise for your folks.

Post # 4
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

This was hard for me to fully understand, but I will try to give advice?!

First, your bridal party should be whom you want by your side while you pledge your love to your hubby.  Period.  It does not matter who is paying, etc.  From there, there are plenty of ways to incorporate those that cannot be bridemaids, depending on the type of ceremony you are having!  They can do a reading, hand out programs, usher people to their seats, etc, etc.

 Furthermore, just because they are not in bm dress, does not mean they cannot be there – next to you – for all your events.  Showers, bachelorette party, getting ready the day of, etc.  In fact, since it sounds like some would not be able to afford all the things associated with being IN a bridal party, they may appreciate not having to spend money on a dress and shoes but still have the luxury of being incorporated in all bridal events?!  Hopefully you find a way to appease *most* everyone.  Good luck!

 

Post # 6
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Like you said, it’s a marriage, not a wedding. Elope and have a huge vow renewel in 5 years.

Post # 7
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Klein2bReidy:  Is there a way you or your Fiance could get a bank loan and do it yourself? Or is there a way you can just have a church wedding and a small reception at the church?

I’m sorry this is happening to you. I would suggest you and your Fiance talk with your parents as a united front and explain to them your decision is final.

Post # 8
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Klein2bReidy:  Please stop letting your family emotionally blackmail you and stop looking to them for validation. You’ve described a history of emotional torment and it needs to stop.

Your family will be ok. If you add them to the party and demand they be BMs in throwing you a shower, a Bach party, and paying for their own stuff you will be a Bridezilla to them. Ignore them and enjoy your new life with your Fiance.

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