Post # 1
I got engaged almost a year ago and told everyone we wanted to do a destination wedding. We will be engaged for a year and a half before we get married, we gave plenty of time for people to save etc. Five months later my older sister got engaged, she also wants a destination wedding. She asked me to do the wedding the same time that we are getting married. After careful consideration my fiancee and myself decided that we did not want to share the wedding week (were not changing our minds) So she said that she is going to get married in November before our April Destination wedding. No one in my family can afford to go to both the weddings. Everyone was on board for my wedding and excited, now they feel like they have to choose between weddings. I dont know why shes rushing it they have only been together for not even a year. I was fine with going to her wedding in November even though its a huge chunk of money coming out of our pockets for her wedding. The other night she said “we picked our resort last night” I asked her which one and she couldnt remeber the name, she asked her fiancee and it turns out its the same one that I have been waiting for. I told her that shes not getting married there because we have been just waiting on the resort manager to approve an underage guest. We were looking at this resort for weeks (we had dates and times as well as prices, we told our wedding planner that we are going to take this resort if they approve the underage guest.) she only found it the night before. I completely lost it and told her that she was under cutting me and making the family choose. I can’t even enjoy planning my wedding because she wont talk to me now because I asked her not to get married at this resort. Obviously I have more time and thought invested in this resort if she only thought about it the night before. She said I’m being a selfish b***h but i think its the other way around. Just because we didnt want to get married the same time as her she decided to do it before us, why should i have to throw all my plans away because shes getting married first.
Post # 3
@lily23: Wow, I’m so sorry you are going through this…TWO destination weddings just months apart from another is a lot for a guest to have to attend. Is there anyway that you can have your parents sit down with her to be the “voice of reason?” Who is footing the bill for the wedding? If your parents are helping maybe they could have more influence in the time/location of her venue.
Post # 4
Ouch. I’m so so so so sorry you’re dealing with this. I think you have some valid concerns but it’s a tough thing to deal with. And I can understand your emotions, but I think this is going to be difficult so try not to let your emotions get out of control.
First, the timing. If she wants to get married more quickly, she’s allowed, even if that puts her wedding before yours. It’s not like they’re a week apart.
Second, the guests. This seems to be the biggest concern. If your family truly can’t afford two destination weddings in the same year (which is totally reasonable), they need to talk to her about that. But this should come from them, not you. Speak for yourself but not for other people. I think this could be a significant burden for family members and that needs to be taken into consideration.
Third, the venue. As much as it hurts, I don’t think you get dibs on a venue either. Did she know you were looking at that venue? If so, it’s definately a bit rude that she picked the same one, but if it’s the best or only venue then it’s logical you both found it. This is the most minor of the issues so I wouldn’t focus on it.
I think your sister is being rude and self centered. Don’t follow her example. Talk with your family. Ask your family to talk with your sister. But try not to give her ultimatums. That’s only going to make her mad and defensive. The solution should be what works for everyone. Not one person/couple winning and getting what they want. She wants to get married and her wedding will be just as important as yours. You just need to figure out how they’ll work together.
Post # 5
@JenGirl: I never told anyone which resort because we didnt know for sure that the underage guest would get approved. If the shoe was on the other foot I was say to myself that my sister has more time invested in this resort where as I just found it last night. My family has told her that they cannot make the wedding because its a month before christmas and they had planned to go to mine already. I tried reasoning with her but she says she does not want to wait to get married. I never made a big deal about her getting married first, if anything I have been supportive. I just feel that she doesnt care about my wedding, I told her that we have been working with the wedding planner for weeks now but she doesnt care. Shes ignoring me now, go figure the day after my wedding planner said the resort approved the guests and were ready to book. I’m afraid that if we book it she will too just out of spite!
Post # 6
We went through something similar as this. My fiancé and I were going to do a destination wedding. We changed our minds and right after his sister decided she wanted to do a destination wedding. Then she nixed that idea and wanted to do a Disney wedding. Then she nixed that idea and decide to have it in our state three months ahead of us. At first I was a bit annoyed but since then I just decided to move forward with my plans as we have been saving and planning all along, while she was engaged a year longer and did nothing.
Reconsider having a home wedding. It sucks but sometimes siblings are just straight rude and unfortunately you can’t controll them. I am sorry she is acting like this.
Post # 7
Oh my gosh – I am so sorry you have to deal with this! I would not be happy if I was in your shoes. I do not think you are being the selfish one at all! I do think, given that her wedding is sooner and right in the midst of the busy holiday season, that more people will be inclined to skip hers and go to yours, if that’s any consolation! I would not be prepared right now to book a trip in Novemeber when I was already planning on one in March. Good luck – I hope she comes to her senses!
Post # 8
I don’t get why you would have two destination wedding going to the same destination. Couldn’t you choose two different islands, whatever. I would think guests would be more onboard if they were paying for two vacations in two different places.