(Closed) FAMILY FEUD! need opinions!!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@lily23:  Wow, I’m so sorry you are going through this…TWO destination weddings just months apart from another is a lot for a guest to have to attend. Is there anyway that you can have your parents sit down with her to be the “voice of reason?” Who is footing the bill for the wedding? If your parents are helping maybe they could have more influence in the time/location of her venue.

Post # 4
9548 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Ouch. I’m so so so so sorry you’re dealing with this. I think you have some valid concerns but it’s a tough thing to deal with. And I can understand your emotions, but I think this is going to be difficult so try not to let your emotions get out of control.

First, the timing. If she wants to get married more quickly, she’s allowed, even if that puts her wedding before yours. It’s not like they’re a week apart.

Second, the guests. This seems to be the biggest concern. If your family truly can’t afford two destination weddings in the same year (which is totally reasonable), they need to talk to her about that. But this should come from them, not you. Speak for yourself but not for other people. I think this could be a significant burden for family members and that needs to be taken into consideration.

Third, the venue. As much as it hurts, I don’t think you get dibs on a venue either. Did she know you were looking at that venue? If so, it’s definately a bit rude that she picked the same one, but if it’s the best or only venue then it’s logical you both found it. This is the most minor of the issues so I wouldn’t focus on it.

I think your sister is being rude and self centered. Don’t follow her example. Talk with your family. Ask your family to talk with your sister. But try not to give her ultimatums. That’s only going to make her mad and defensive. The solution should be what works for everyone. Not one person/couple winning and getting what they want. She wants to get married and her wedding will be just as important as yours. You just need to figure out how they’ll work together.

Post # 6
3305 posts
Sugar bee

We went through something similar as this. My fiancé and I were going to do a destination wedding. We changed our minds and right after his sister decided she wanted to do a destination wedding. Then she nixed that idea and wanted to do a Disney wedding. Then she nixed that idea and decide to have it in our state three months ahead of us. At first I was a bit annoyed but since then I just decided to move forward with my plans as we have been saving and planning all along, while she was engaged a year longer and did nothing.

Reconsider having a home wedding. It sucks but sometimes siblings are just straight rude and unfortunately you can’t controll them. I am sorry she is acting like this. 

Post # 7
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Oh my gosh – I am so sorry you have to deal with this! I would not be happy if I was in your shoes.  I do not think you are being the selfish one at all! I do think, given that her wedding is sooner and right in the midst of the busy holiday season, that more people will be inclined to skip hers and go to yours, if that’s any consolation!  I would not be prepared right now to book a trip in Novemeber when I was already planning on one in March.  Good luck – I hope she comes to her senses!

Post # 8
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t get why you would have two destination wedding going to the same destination. Couldn’t you choose two different islands, whatever. I would think guests would be more onboard if they were paying for two vacations in two different places.

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