Post # 1
So, my parents are feuding with one of my uncles and his wife. My mom told me to invite them, all of their children and grandchildren to the wedding. Now, I don’t really expect them to come, and in fact, one set of children/grandchildren already responded with a “no.” The last 6 people in this family haven’t responded, and I’m not sure what to do.
I’m fairly certain they won’t come, but I really would feel better if I got the “no” rsvp. My mom won’t call them. I already sent a facebook message to my cousin and her family, with no response yet.
So, should I just assume they’re not coming? Or should I reach out to my cousin who has responded to ask him (we have an OK relationship, and he would normally come to the wedding, except he lives really far away)? I haven’t talked to my aunt and uncle in over 11 years, and I haven’t talked to the other cousin in 7 years, even after I tried reaching out multiple times.
The whole situation is a bit awkward, and I don’t really know what to do. I mean, even my dad doesn’t know my mom insisted on inviting the family, and he actually told me not to invite them at all. So I would feel better if I heard an actual response. I just don’t want to put my other cousin in an awkward situation by asking his parents and sister.
Post # 3
I think you should confirm – sometimes feuding families do things just to irritate each other (i.e. not rsvp-ing and showing up anyway).
And maybe, by reaching out through your cousin you can start to heal this rift with the next generation so it doesn’t continue into the future.
Post # 4
Force your mom to call them. She was the one who wanted them to be invited, so she should have to follow up. I am assuming it is your mom’s brother who is the head of the family that hasn’t responded. Therefore, it is your mom’s duty to call her brother.
Post # 5
Oh, I’ve tried convincing her to bury the hatchet, but my dad and my uncle’s wife are really stubborn people. I think my mom and my uncle are ready to reconcile, but my dad and my aunt hold grudges for long, long periods of time.
I know that my parents said that my aunt and uncle would never acknowledge them on the streets if they ran into each other (not even “hi”). In fact, I think we were all at a wedding once (one of my other cousins) and they didn’t even talk.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t involve the people in the feud (ie your mom). I would take it upon yourself to call the invited parties and say something like “Hi! I need to get my final numbers into the caterer by Monday at the latest. If by Sunday I still haven’t heard back, I just want to let you know that there will not be a seat or meal reserved in your name. My number is….Thanks!” (I posted this in another thread yesterday if it seems familiar 😉
The family members my parents don’t get along with didn’t RSVP to my sister’s wedding but then showed up and they had to scramble to get them meals and seating. They then said a lot of hurtful things about my sister’s wedding to my parents. So when they don’t return the RSVP to my wedding, I’m calling and saying what I quoted above.
(Ugh, now that I look at this, I shouldn’t have even invited them.)
Post # 7
Well, if you’ve reached out to get a response already, to no avail. I’d probably leave it alone. Its unfortunate that you’re getting effected by the residuals of your family’s issues. But it sounds like they’re probably not planning on attending.
Post # 8
I agree with @Vonnegurl. Get their number from your mom and call them yourself! If your parents really are feuding with them, don’t make your parents call. And I think @Vonnegurl’s quote sounds good too. Do it!