Post # 1
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
Ten years ago, I got in a family fued with a cousin. I was an adult. The cousin was 16. She was making fun of me and swearing at me. I was doing my best to ignore her. I finally snapped and swore at her. She cried to her mother. Her mother called all of the family and told them I was mentally ill (not true). My mother at first agreed with me then sided with my aunt. Then was insisting that I apologize (repeatedly as I did so once but the aunt/cousin said I didn’t get it.) I recognize I was wrong. <br /><br />I haven’t spoken to the aunt since in person. I actually take that back. My mother bought up the fight agian and my aunt screamed at me that I had the audacity to ask her kid how was school. Aunt has called my number to get my mother’s number a couple of times. However, she refuses to accept my apologies, return my calls, (but she did have my grandmother write a get well note from a hospital saying: “why do you insist on punishing your aunt? she only wants to be your friend.) when I lived out of state, Dad has come to spend holidays with them, but see me the next day. I have since moved to another state.<br /><br />My mom and I had a huge fight about inviting said aunt to the wedding. I dont think it is a good idea. She says we have to. She was paying, but not we said we were. She insisted on paying. So Fiance and I are getting eloped. <br /><br />The kid cousin is an adult today and is still swearing at me. Mom wont get involved because its not her kid. However, I dont want the same treatment to my Fiance or future kids. <br /><br />I have gone hope 5 times in 10 years because of this fight. My parents dont understand how badly this has affected our relationship. How do you tell your parents to back off when their controlling is so bad they are telling you which behaviors you should put up with because you are their kid?<br /><br />I should also add my parents have a pre-scheduled trip in which they will meet my fiance’s parents. I asked my Fiance parents to not come until my parents and I have a more solid relationship. I worry that this control will affect the relationship between the parental sets.
Post # 2
Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee
dup24m: This sounds like a mess and some families just really can’t get along. I don’t see any end to this here because your aunt is nuts, your cousin is nuts and everyone seems to know how they are so they enable their behavior.
I would not invite them. Your wedding is supposed to be attended by people you love that love and respect you and that you want to be there. You have no obligation to invite them whatsoever.
Honestly, the further you keep them away from your lives and stop talking to them the better off you will be. When your family tries to intervene just tell them you don’t want to hear one more word about this again. You are not a child- stop letting people treat you as such. You can choose to remove yourself from other people’s problems which it is quite clear they have many.
Post # 3
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
oh the crazy aunts and cousins… yes I agree with MissJulianna, just keep a distance away from them. I stay away from the crazies as well!
Post # 4
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
The thing is I dont know if I should keep my distance from my parents too. My aunt is a given…however, my parents have bought up the situation in verbiage that blames me. I just dont want to visit them anymore. If I say anything to the countary, I am bullying them. <br /><br />If a friend treats me like this, I would dump them. When family it seems to be justified.
Post # 5
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
I should also say that aunt calls mom to talk about me a lot. So, I dance on eggshells around both of them.
Post # 6
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
So you cussed your cousin out 10 years ago. Time for everybody to let it go. You may not be able to do anything about your aunt, but your parents may not be a lost cause yet.
Post # 7
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
Honestly, the cousin swears regularlly. However, her father died when she was 5 so she is very coddled.
Post # 8
Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee
IDK what is wrong with your mom, but I feel like she is more interested in keeping the peace with the crazies than her own daughter which is so wrong on so many levels.
I find it completely insane that they all took the word of some bratty teenager over an adult and continue to cause trouble about this a decade later and that your aunt continues to talk shit about you to your own mother. There is a reason that she feels that she can do this, and that is because your mother allows her to.
I would let my mom know exactly how I feel about the situation, how inappropriate, disrespectful and vindictive they are, and how horrible it is that she has chosen sides against her own daughter. I would also let her know how toxic these people have become in your lives and that if she wishes to continue to treat you like this while standing by them, then she doesn’t really have a place at your wedding either and that the 3 of them can sit at home talking about you while you marry the love of your life.
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This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by
MissJulianna.
Post # 9
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
dup24m: Your cousins father dying is not a reason to be disrespectful to others in the family. I think this whole situation was blown out of proportion.
I would distance myself from all of them. If your parents are not supporting you, then I wouldnt talk to them either. This is a petty thing to come between the families.
I also would not invite your aunt or your bratty cousin to the wedding. You need your day as drama free as possible.
Post # 10
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
We are eloping. Mom and I have been on and off this issue for years. Inviting that family when I asked her not to was the last straw. They were (probably are) planning to visit. I’m seeing a therapist to firgure out what to say. However, I do not want this issue affecting my marriage or future kids (not conceived kids). <br /><br />Thanks for letting me vent. In the past month, I have gone from a 100 person wedding to an elopement. I’m a little sad. However, our relationship. OUR marriage is about us and no one else. I have to focus on whats important.