(Closed) Family Financial Wars HELP D:

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
4337 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@CloverPinder:  It does sound like they are taking advantage of her giving nature.  Two things, though, make me recommend that you not bring it up with her:

1) She may have told them not to pay it back either, as she’s done with you.

2) When it comes down to it, her relationship with her grandchildren is between her and the grandchild – you just have the be the best grandchild you can be and let the others find their own way.

I know it’s hard to see your grandma get taken advantage of, assuming she is, but she may not feel as though she is.  Either way, I think you need to let it go and just keep doing what you do.

Post # 4
511 posts
Busy bee

@CloverPinder:  It seems to me that there are two things going on here although they are inter-related.

1. You care about what you perceive is your Grandma being taken advantage of. This may be accurate and it may not be.  Either way, her relationship with her other grandchildren is not your business.  You’re judging your cousins about how much you think they should be paying back a month with no idea what their expenditures may be, or what other commitments they may have.

2. This is where I think they overlap – perhaps you’re judging others because really you’re judging yourself? If it’s important that you pay her back (and it seems to be from your post) then get in touch with your mum or dad and see if you can’t find out her banking information.  Deposit the money you owe her into her account and be done with it.  To me it sounds like you’re feeling guilty about accepting the money, and maybe it would make you feel better to return it?

Then just keep doing what you’re doing, which is being the kind, loving, thoughtful granddaughter that you are 🙂

Post # 5
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m not sure you should talk to your grandmother about this.  About what exactly? The money she loaned your cousins?  That is between your grandmother and your cousins.  About paying her back?  Well, you already talked to her about it and you know what her opinion is.  You could tell her that it makes you uncomfortable to have accepted such a large amount and that you would like to give or do something nice for her in return.  Maybe she’ll be more open to this than to you giving her a check or cash.

You can’t control what your cousins do, but you can let them know that you are disappointed with their behavior. Just don’t confront them about not paying her back, that really isn’t any concern of yours. Tell them that you are disappointed they didn’t call her or sent a card on her birthday.

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