Post # 1
My fiance and I are currently planning our wedding for next year and have been swarmed with well wishes and happy friends and family, which is always wonderful. However, at a family party last weekend my dad’s best friend (who is not in a happy marriage at all) jokingly pulled my fiance aside while I was out of the room and told him not to get married.
My fiance brushed it off but let me know and I’m feeling upset about it. This guy has known me since I was born and in the opposite situation my dad would never joke about that to his friend’s daughters. Rationally, I know this guy was down a few beers, he and his wife are not in a happy marriage, and he tends to be the sort of ‘drunk uncle’ persona where you just awkwardly laugh off his jokes but it left a sour taste with me. Prior to this event, we’ve been met with nothing but happy wishes and people congratulating us because we’re so happy together.
I don’t want to cause an issue and talk to my parents about it, but I’m feeling super weird about it. Any advice for dealing with extended family/friends who ‘joke’ to you or your fiance about not to get married??
Post # 2
cal18: Some people are just bitter that their marriage hasn’t worked out well and they like to project that on others, you’ll hear stuff like “ugh, never get married” all the time. I would just ignore it and be happy that you’re getting married.
Post # 3
SithLady: Thank you!! I think it hit me hard cause it was the first time hearing something like that but you’re so right not to focus on the negativity 🙂
Post # 4
cal18: I would ignore it. His reasons for saying such a thing are obvious. <br /><br />If you approach him after this incident has way passed, it will seem childish of you (no offense-trust me I would be pissed too if someone said this to my DH). Unless he tells your fiance again, then I would suggest you tell FI to say something to him next time maybe something along the lines of “I really don’t appreciate you saying that to me. I love Cal18 and we are getting married whether you support us or not” (Thats a little harsh, but I know thats what DH would say bc he don’t put up negative crap lol
Post # 5
cal18: Honestly, let it go. He could have been serious, he could have been joking, either way it doesn’t matter. It’s not super appropriate to tell a newly engaged couple not to get married but we’ve all heard it multiple times. It’s like a game to ‘convince’ the newly engaged couple to not get married before it’s ‘too late’.
At my bridal shower there was a table set up with cards and envelopes for ‘well wishes’ for the bride and groom, it was adorable. When I got home and started opening the cards I was really excited, I opened the first card and inside was, ‘Don’t do it!’. And that was all… uhhhh… ok? I’m sure it was supposed to be a joke even though it was tactless.
Ahhh well… the moral is move on, you’re happy, you’re marrying the love of your life. Congrats!
Post # 6
Daizy914: Oh, I definitely would never approach him about it! Thank you so much!
Post # 7
winterwoodlandbride15: Thank you!! Yeah, definitely looking through responses and looking through other boards like this it seems people say the craziest/rudest things when people get married. I can’t believe someone wrote that to you–what an unfunny joke! Oy. Thank you–and congrats to you as well!! 🙂
Post # 8
Just ignore him. He was probably projecting his feelings about marriage onto your FI due to his experience. If this persists, I would politely tell him that while you respect his opinion on the matter, it’s rude of him to say something like that. Or maybe ask your dad to talk to him.
Congrats on your engagement!
Post # 9
I would just leave it- no use in bringing it up, it will just lead to nastiness. I would just stay away from him from now on. Sorry he was being an ass.
Post # 10
I’d ignore it and not let it upset you. You know why he said it. You know your fiance wasn’t buying it. There’s no good to come from dwelling on it or bringing it up with him or your parents.
Post # 11
No one thinks they are going to be that person, but since there are always plenty of “concern trolls” warning about marriage, a percentage of married people end up being this guy. imagine how bitter and disappointed you’d have to be to publicly warn others. It’s sad.
It’s rude and a downer, but it’s not personal so I wouldn’t make a big deal about it. Just be grateful that your dad isn’t miserable in his marriage and enjoy being engaged.
Post # 12
Exactly what SithLady said! No need to read into it, nor to give weight to it with a response or even a further thought. Your upcoming marriage (READ: marriage, not wedding) is entirely between you and your future husband. Be happy and grateful that you are in a loving relationship, and good luck with your wedding planning 🙂
Post # 13
I wouldn’t take it seriously (or personally) and I certainly wouldn’t let it get to me. As SithLady mentioned, this happens all the time — people love making these “jokes” and think they’re being so original and hilarious.
Friends of mine were recently hitched in Vegas and as they were walking around the casino in their wedding attire, people shouted, “DON’T DO IT!” All in “joking” fashion of course. The couple just laughed it off.
Post # 14
some people just like to hear themselves talk. Don’t worry about it.
On our wedding day my husband’s male cousin pulled me aside and said “if you hurt him I’ll kill you”. no joke. I just kept it to myself. People are strange
Post # 15
Unfortunately, some people just think they are comic geniuses.
We were giving FILs a tour of the church becase the had never seen it before. We finish the tour, are standing by the front door when FFIL points outside and says “That’s where I’ll be keeping the car running if you change your mind.” He meant it as a joke (mostly) but it was rude, in bad taste, and insensitive. Brush it off and keep going.