(Closed) Family frustrations! Please allow me to vent!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

So sorry to hear about your frustrations! I know when we were in the initial planning stages my mom had a laundry list of people she wanted to invite. I felt so much pressure because I didn’t want to tell her no, but at the same time I wanted her to have a good time and enjoy herself.

I’m closer with my dad’s side of the family than my mom’s (long story!) so none of her family members were invited….not a big deal since I barely see or talk to any of them When I calmly explained my reasons, she understood. Thankfully she has a pretty small family. Also, my fiance and I made a rule that we didn’t want anyone at the wedding that we had not met previously. So this immediately knocked out all of those cousins and great aunts and spouses of distant family members! We’re also having a semi-destination wedding and wanted to keep the guest list down to around 50.

But I started feeling bad when I thought about how most of my dad’s family would be invited. So I made a deal with my mom that she could submit a list of people that she would like to invite. I went through her list and ‘approved’ several people who would behave appropriately and also be there to support my mom….and not to cause drama! This approach worked pretty well. So well, in fact, that she kept submitting more names! When I finally gave her a break down of how much each additional guest would cost….she quit asking! lol! To compromise, we’re allowing her to throw us a party (kind of like a second reception) a few weeks after the wedding for all the folks who were not invited to the ceremony.

60 people isn’t so far off your initial number of invited guests. But I would say that you’ve got to put your foot down (as lovingly as possible) to make sure the guest list doesn’t swell to 100! Let your Nana invite her guest and then anyone else that asks to invite extra guests, tell them exactly what you said in your post: You’re uncomfortable with lots of attention and want to keep the guest list small so that you can really connect with everyone there. I think most people will understand, and the ones who do not….don’t worry about it! This is your day and you have to do whatever it takes to make sure you are calm and happy on that special day!

Post # 5
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think that older people and specially those who are widowed feel uncomfortable going to social events, afraid they’ll feel out of place or sitting by themselves (when other people are having fun / dancing).

 

I think that if you can acommodate your nana’s friend then you should, as you said she’s already 82 and won’t be around for long; when she’s gone will you want to look back and think that you couldn’t accommodate such a small request?

Post # 6
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

now about your other friend who’s added a +1, then you can easily say “sorry, we wish we could accomodate +1s but our venue has limited space; if someone backs out I will let you know!”

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