Post # 1
I suppose this is mostly a vent but if anyone has any suggestions on how to handle this situation it would be much appreciated. I have an aunt that while we aren’t exactly close she has always meant a lot to me. As she has gotten older and I suppose as I have gotten older too I’ve noticed her becoming really negative. She makes lots of resentful comments about my grandmother (her mother) which are especially unappreciated.
As a bit of background, we were originally planning on a destination wedding but decided not to for several reasons about 11 months before the wedding, the date has not changed through everything.
My parents saw her at a party last week and my mom asked if she was going on vacation this year and my aunt’s reply was "no we were planning on going to X (our destination wedding spot) but it fell through." Now really, 11 months is more then enough time and our decision coincided with a major holiday and it was the topic of conversation at dinner so she definitely knew. Furthermore we had not given out specifics about it anyway because we didn’t have any to give out!!!
Yesterday, I received an email from her saying that there had apparently been an oversight because her two stepdaughters (who are 19 and 21) hadn’t been on the invitation nor had they received their own and could I please add them to the rsvp system on our website. (No, she did not ask, just assumed and demanded.) I replied by saying that since we are keeping it small and we really do not know them well at all that we aren’t inviting them. Well, she is livid, she is gossiping about me to other family members trying to rally support for her cause. She isn’t having any luck but it is still disheartening. I have no clue what to do about her. She is cranky and irrational and I’m really not up to dealing with all of this. Does anyone have any suggestions (or similar stories?) Thanks for letting me vent!
Post # 3
My sympathies are with you 🙂 To be honest, if she’s gossiping and not succeeding at rallying family to her cause try to ignore it.
You didn’t invite them, she knows that, everyone else knows that and to be honest most likely thinks she is being rediculous running around gossiping.
If you do want to deal with it all though, perhaps you can have whichever parent it is of your’s who is her sibling talk to her about your limitations, but you telling her didn’t seem to do anything and it doesn’t seem like she has much respect for your grandmother and so I’m assuming her family in general.
Post # 4
Oh yes, I’ve got similar stories! The best advice that I can give you is to smile and ignore her. If she wants to come to your wedding she will, if she is really that upset she won’t. There is not much else you can do. You cannot give in to her demands or you will be giving in to everyone (trust me, she won’t be the last). I just got a very nasty email from my fh’s cousin because we did not invite her boyfriend, whom she just bought a house with. We did not know they had bought a house together, and neither of us had ever met her boyfriend. I’ve also been dealing with family that is upset because we are not inviting anyone under the age of 18. Your Aunt is the one that looks and sounds bad with all of the negativity. The cousin I am dealing with right now complained about us to her family for three weeks before emailing me. She then tried to "guilt" us into an invite for her boyfriend because he donated a kidney to my fh’s Aunt (which we did not know about and whom he hasn’t seen in 3 years). The answer is still no, so she has decided not to come to our wedding. Fine, that is $100 less we have to spend on food and such.
We are expecting more of this. We will smile through it and we will stick to the decisions we have made. Be graceful and you will come out on top, let the others b*&%# and complain.
Post # 5
I suppose that if you have the time and energy you could call her and see what you can do. Maybe listening to her vent, and explaining your limitations personally, would help. Otherwise I agree – you are never going to be able to make everyone happy, and people who are inclined to be negative are going to be so no matter what. If your aunt tends to be negative anyway, I bet that she would find something to complain about no matter what you did with your wedding. I have a couple of relatives like that, and it’s no secret in the family – we just listen to whatever their latest rant is, and then say to each other "Consider the source." And I’m sure that’s about what happens in your family too – everybody knows, I’m sure, that your aunt is basically a complainer, and therefore doesn’t take her seriously.
Post # 6
That’s so tough, I really feel for you. Weddings & funerals cause family members to go a little cuckoo because bottom line, it comes down to a public display of who’s inmportant to you. By not inviting her stepkids, you are basically telling the world that they don’t mean anything to you in her eyes.
But hello, it’s your wedding and you should have people who mean the most to you, and not just randoms by obligation. Stand strong, most people will understand and see she’s being irrational.
I’d suggest talking to her, though, so you an at least say you tried to explain to her your reasons so you’re not snubbing her outright. Just realize she still won’t agree with you, but you did your duty and you can move on. Good luck!
Post # 7
Are the stepdaughters living with her? If they are, even if you don’t know them well, ain’t they family now? Is like you didn’t invite her daughters…is she still married to their father? is he invited?
I mean, I get it, you don’t know them but they are her family. Tough.
Post # 8
sorry got cut off…
Is a tough decision but if you put yourself on her shoes…you’re living them out cause they’re not family to you….you won’t leave out your BLOOD cousins would you? why is it ok to leave the step-cousins out?
in the end…is your wedding but…