(Closed) family doesn’t approve of/trust FI because another woman touched him w/o consent

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

Victim blaming is no prettier when done to a man than to a woman.  Is your family the type to ask you what you were wearing and if you were drinking if you told them you’d been assaulted?  Ugh.  I get so worked up over these things!  Your Fiance did nothing wrong and your family are being utter asshats if this is what they base their distrust on – I would ignore them. 

Post # 5
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Honestly, I would consider what my family says to me.  If you trust him, great. Just brush it off and move on but your family is your family. I think they’re just concerned for you. Not only that, I believe that men know other men better than women do just like women know what other women are thinking better than men do.  They’re just looking out for you. 

 

Also, if you think your dad’s throwing a wrench into the situation so that he doesn’t have to spend the money why don’t you pay for the wedding yourself and see if anything changes? I know if my parents didn’t support our engagement, I wouldn’t want a cent from them. 

Post # 6
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i dont see what the problem was if he was really passed out and was assaulted for lack of a better word. he was a victim. do your family members not know the story? or do they not believe your FH?

Post # 7
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Are your Fiance and your younger brother close? If not, I would be curious as to why your FI mentioned this assault to your brother. 

Everyone deals with things differently, but most people who have been assaulted only tell a select few people.  So, it could have come across weird to your brother.  Did your brother repeat the story to you the way that it was told to him?

 

Post # 10
Member
2476 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

This is a bizarre story!  I don’t understand why your family even had to know about this… seems like a topic to be kept between you and your Fiance.

Anyway, the damage is done.  It’s hard to tell you what to feel… if you love him and you trust him, then I would try to explain that to your family.  Is your brother just trying to stir the waters or something?  Weird. 

Post # 11
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Trust your instincts about your Fiance.  If you trust and love your Fiance and are sure you want to marry him, tell your family to back off and that you don’t want to hear another word about it.  Don’t put up with them trash talking and disrespecting yoru Fiance.

Post # 13
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I dislike this a great deal.  If you told your parents that you had passed out at a party and a man came and put his hand in your pants, would they say you weren’t trustworthy?  If this is truly all that’s bothering your family (they didn’t have hesitations before) then I would be beyond horrified by their reaction to your FI’s assault.

Post # 14
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I have to agree with Sandypie that even though you love your fiance and he has never betrayed your trust before, men know better what men can be like.  It’s like porn, leave it open on your computer screen and walk away. Will Fiance go and shut it down immediately or will he take a look for a few minutes or more? Same thing with the “assualt”. If it were a serious assault, he should file a complaint. If he was “enjoying” the asault, he may have kissed this gilr back before pushing her away?

If you COMPLETELY trust your Fiance, tell your family that: “I COMPLTELY trust him and I would like to consider this topic dropped” I wish you all the best !

Post # 15
Member
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Your fiance was the victim of a sexual assault that is no less serious because of his sex.  You need to straight up tell your father to back off – his reaction is disgusting. Sorry, but this is horrifying to me.

Good luck dealing with this difficult situation.

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