(Closed) Family Gatherings (ie Holidays!)

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d handle my own gifts from here on out and refuse to discuss details about prices of things,etc. It’s no one else’s business.  I’d generally shy away from any conversations that seem to spark competition with your step sibling.  Clearly they like to keep a scorecard.  People like that don’t change, you just have to stop responding to them.

Post # 4
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would just do my best to ignore the comments made by your step-sibling. They don’t matter. If they are really ruining your holidays that stop going but is one person worth a holiday?

My advice, as a Christian woman, pray before you go on these holidays. Ask God to help you enjoy the time with your family and not let these things get to you. Give it to God.

Post # 5
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would just not give that person the time of day. It’s none of their business what your possessions cost or how big, small, whatever, they are. Ditto on the do your own gift- I know how awkward that can be when you are in a different financial situation.

Post # 6
45652 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsD41503:  This step-sibling can only cause drama if you let them. You control your response to her barbs.

There is nothing to be embarassed about saying “we can’t afford that.” It doesn’t mean you don’t have the money. It means in your budget you are not allocating that much money to that item or issue. Finances are a tough area for many people. Don’t let her push your buttons.

So what if she has the biggest house or the newest car? Who cares besides her? Some of us have other ways we measure the quality of our lives. I would respond with ” I hope you are very happy with it. Ours is perfect for us.”

Post # 7
2213 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wow, how aggravating and useless.  I know it’s hard to brush it off when people act like this, but I agree with @MrsWBS:  stop feeding them.  Don’t tell them how much you pay for anything, and purchase your own gifts for your parents instead of going in with them.  Help end the bullshit cycle.

If they don’t have any information, they won’t be able to tell for sure if they’re outspending and outdoing you and your hubby.

Post # 10
2213 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MrsD41503:  Yeah, with that additional info, gotta say – they are real assholes for rubbing these things in if they’re 10 years older.  Some people never mature.

Post # 11
7272 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@MrsD41503:  I wouldn’t let her keep you from seeing your parent(s), but would just try to stay away from her. Next Christmas I would buy my own gift and when asked to contribute to a group present simply state I had already purchased something. When asked about cars or houses or babies or whatever she’s going to try to one-up you on next, I wouldn’t engage. It’s none of her business how much you paid. 

Post # 12
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Sounds like she knows how to get under your skin. I would adopt an “Oh okay, good for you” attitude and brush her off. When faced with stress, our fight or flight instincts kick in. I don’t recommend “flight”, i.e. allowing her to dictate how you spend your holidays…

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