(Closed) Family guilt/buying a house dilemma

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

Hmm this is a pickle ๐Ÿ™

Would this be your first time buying a house? We were able to stay in our area (Solihull, West Mids) because we were first time buyers looking at New Builds so used the Government Equity loan scheme. Basically, 5% deposit, 20% Government Load, 75% mortgage. 

We were able to buy a £250,000 house even though we are still young because we only pay £25/month more than we did in rent. 

I think there are other deals on New Build houses too? Might be worth considering.

Otherwise… I don’t know ๐Ÿ™ I wouldn’t want to leave my nan either in that situation. My only other suggestion would be to buy a smaller house nearby (to save wasting money on rent) and then upsizing in a few years? Your house should at least make some money if it is a nice area and you can go from there?

Post # 4
Member
2626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

I know where you are coming from, I have 3 nans just like that! Although thankfully they all have other people around who can support them. 

Is there anywhere, say 30 minutes away from your nan you could look at/afford? That’s not TOO far away then so you could still be with her if she needed you? 

Otherwise I think you’re going to have to move in with your nan lol x

Post # 5
Member
2251 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think you need to buy the house now.  No matter what you need to start living your life,  have a family,  have your own home.  Your grandmother will understand eventually that it is the right thing to do.  You can’t keep living where you can’t afford,  just to babysit her.  The whole family has to come up with a plan on how to care for her, either it be her moving to assisted living facility,  getting a daily caregiver, or moving her with a relative. This should not just be your problem. I understand she wants to live alone, but at this stage of the game she just can’t safely stay by herself. 

Post # 6
Member
451 posts
Helper bee

Could you buy a house with a mother in law apartment? (whatever they call them?) Then she could move in, still be basically independent, but have you nearby when she need help?

Post # 10
Member
2626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

View original reply
1234qwerty94:  Damn, that’s irritating!

You could always put across her moving in with you as less of ‘her needing you’ but more ‘you needing her’?

X

Post # 11
Member
1999 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

I live near Tunbridge Wells so I understand the house price craziness.ย 

Personally I think 1 hour away is ok. You are not a carer for your grandma or father and it isn’t fair for them to rely on you. My grandma just passed away but we were a 45 minute drive from her and like your grandma she refused to go into a home, have carers etc until the last few weeks of her life. We always knew day or night that one of us could be there within an hour if something was wrong. Luckily my parents are in good health at the moment so I don’t have that to worry about but I think you should follow your dad’s advice. I assume if your grandma had money to give you then she could afford a nurse to visit a couple of times a week and the same for your father if he needs it?

Post # 12
Member
321 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
1234qwerty94:  I would stay close to look after my Grandmother, no question. You will never regret any time spent looking after your family, but you will regret leaving if something happens to them.

Post # 15
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
1234qwerty94:ย  could you buy the new house now so lock in the value and rent it while staying where you are now close to your grandmother?ย 

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