- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
Today we went to go and have a look around a venue. Me and FI went with my parents, but they also invited my sister along with us. I didn’t mind it too much at first…
But after we went around and went back to sit in the car, they started talking about the various things they were looking forward to seeing, like the floral arrangements and sitting at the head table. We’d already told them before that we didn’t want things like speeches or a first dance, and when I said I don’t like flowers (I’m allergic) and that I wasn’t super happy with a top table, all hell broke loose.
They basically told us that if we weren’t going to take part in the traditions of a wedding, then we shouldn’t have one. My sister asked me what the point of getting married was if we didn’t want to have a big fancy wedding. We sat in the car and got yelled at for a whole hour, by the end of which I was in floods of tears. They were being really hurtful – FI actually fell silent and wouldn’t talk to them because he was worried he might say something out of line. It always makes him mad to hear how they talk to me – telling me I’m oversensitive, dismissing my feelings and finding ways to make me sound stupid.
And what annoys me more than anything is that they’re happy to shoot down every. single. idea I’ve had, but they refuse to tell me what they think we should do. Me and FI would like a small wedding with minimal fuss, but everyone keeps telling us that we can’t. They’ve told us that we either have a big fancy (and extremely expensive) wedding with all the bells and whistles, or we go to the Courthouse just the two of us. They refuse to accept anything else as being possible.
Some of the things they’ve said are really hurtful, and now FI is furious with the way they spoke to us. He keeps urging me to forget the things they’re telling me and just plan the wedding we want – but the wedding we want isn’t the one my parents want. We would slip away somewhere with ten people and get married somewhere unique, but that would offend and anger my parents who seem to think they should be the ones planning the whole thing.
Also, to add more complications to this, my sister is getting married next year and although she hasn’t said anything, it’s obvious to me and FI that she’s mad about the possibility of her younger sister getting married first. All she does is tell us to push it back or have a baby first – something that’s really started to grate on me.
This has been going on for weeks, getting gradually worse and worse, and I’m starting to think I should just say screw it and go to the Courthouse with FI. I thought everyone was happy for us, and they always make a point to tell us we should do what we like, but when it comes to practice they want us to do things when they want, where they want, and how they want.
I have ideas of places I like, like a tiny fifteen person room at a local castle and a nice meal out and drinks afterwards, but that’s not what they want. They want a huge wedding, or they don’t want us to have a wedding at all. I’m getting really frustrated! FI has begged me to stop talking weddings with my parents, especially my Mum, because of the way they keep trying to take control and guilt us into doing things the way they want.
I can’t figure a way out of this, but I just really need a hug. FI’s gone out to work and I’m super stressed out. I can’t win!!