- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2014
This will be lengthy and I need to vent. Ok I’ll try to sum up the most important parts. My mom died when I was 9 years old and my dad remarried when I was 13. I have never really approved of her or liked her and have picked my battles. We are definitely fake to each other to keep the peace. I am the youngest of four and we are extremely close. My stepmom has two sons, one of which is married and they have an adopted daughter with special needs.
So, this past March my fiance proposed. He asked my dad, stepmom, and sister and her daugther (my goddaughter) (my sister and I are best friends) for permission. So sweet. Everything went great. My stepmom is very passive aggressive…keep this in mind. Anyway..wedding planning has been ok. I have a lot done, venue, church, dress for me and girls, dj, photographer, lots of the important details. I’m having a big bridal party…8 maids, 8 men, 2 ushers, 2 flower girls, ring bearer, and a jr. bridesmaid. This has been an issue as it’s “too big” according to my dad and his wife. I said it’s fine and these are people I love and adore and want them in it.
When my fiance and I go to my dad’s house no one asks us about planning, what’s going on, etc. My dad will ask when him and my stepmom will meet my future in laws who are divorced. That’s all they ask. My dad and stepmom are paying for food and beverage at the wedding btw. This was expected as they have paid for 3 other weddings. They have not given me an amount or anything, but the venue we chose is the same as my sister’s. Very reasonable and appropriate. Let’s fast forward till now. My brother has 2 kids and one on the way due in May. My sister has one. All of them will be in the wedding. My sister is Maid/Matron of Honor, her daugher is flower girl, and her hubby is an usher. My brother is a groomsman, his wife a maid, and their kids are the jr. maid and bearer. My fiance’s neice is the other flower girl. His biological sister (mom to his neice) is not in the wedding. We struggled with not asking her as she is a hot mess, makes very unsafe decisions, and does not have a good relationship with either of us. She picks and chooses when she wants to be part of the family. So, his family understand the choice of why she isn’t standing up, but still are disappointed. My fiances’ stepsister is standing up as we are very close with her and we wanted representation from his side in the bridal party.
Ok so…my step family. Not close with them at all. In fact my step brother lived in another state with his wife and child for years and moved back home (literally) after they were going to get a divorce. They did not divorce and are now back together. In any event, my stepmom confronted me a few weeks ago and asked why their child (adopted/special needs child) is not in the wedding or flower girl. I stated I do not have relationship with her or her parents and we just want 2 flower girls. Well, she was pissed and said I made such a hurtful decision and am drawing a line. She went on to say that my wedding is out of control anyway. I said why because I have 8 and she said yes. I said you can’t tell me my party is out of control and then ask to have one more in it. I said she’s a 5 year old girl who won’t notice/care that she is not in it and that people are being way too dramatic. She also said I was an evil 14 yr old girl and all this. I reminded her that there are 2 people to every relationship and blaming it on a 14 yr old is wrong. She also stated that my wedding was not about me and it’s not my day…it’s about other people. WTF. Also, she said since her granddaughter was not in it then she would be walked down the aisle by her. UGH. Annoying. Let me add that this little girl is poorly behaved. Screams, yells, and doesn’t listen. She has no manners. She also will run up to me punch me in the chest and say…BIG. As I’m a large woman. I know she is 5 but get it together parents.
Then last week…few day before thanksgiving my dad came over to my house to discuss the situation. Well…waste of time. He totally sided with my stepmom. I said ya know, my mother isn’t going to be there obviously isn’t that enough. I’m like all my girls and family I have relationship with and my so called great step bro hasn’t spoken with my real bro in over 3 years! My dad said that didn’t matter. I said it does, because he needs to see that just because he and my step mom view the family as a whole unit, the children do not…ON BOTH SIDES. We don’t view each other like that and we aren’t solid. I said you want me to have this little girl in it who I don’t talk to except for like every couple months at family gatherings, where her parents don’t speak to me or my fiance. I said no way will she be in wedding. I then said if it is going to be such a big deal that I would pay for all the wedding and get a loan and that people from my stepmom’s family would not be invited. He then said HE WOULD NOT COME TO MY WEDDING IF I DID THAT. I flipped out and said for him to get out of my house. I was in complete hysterics. I was like you have clearly made your decision that your step family is more important than your blood. My fiance came down and tried to diffuse the situation and stated that his bio sister was not in it nor was his step nieces/nephew. Fiance and I both stated that if we added this child we were adding other people because that’s what is right then. I do not want to add any one as then it would waaaaaaaaaaaay too many.
So, yah. Sad? I don’t know what I would do if my dad wouldn’t come, but I’m not adding anyone to the wedding. My dad asked if she could wear the dress the flower girls are wearing in addition to having flowers…I said absolutely not when my flowers are $2000! NO WAY. I said I’m not even going to talk to these people after I’m married and you want her in it to make yourself feel/look good? UMMM NO. My family is very upset with my dad. My brother said he would firmly escort my dad to the wedding if he didn’t go. It’s a hot mess…bottom line…she’s not in it. I haven’t talked to my dad or stepmom and we’ll see when I do. Like I said if I’m forced to get a loan…none of stepmom’s family will be invited…I DON’T KNOW THEM. She wants all of her siblings invited…what?????? I’ve never met them. Ridiculous!
Sorry for the rant…need to get all that out.