Post # 1
It’s been a few months sense I’ve been on wedding bee and life has been nothing short of CRAZY!! I was taking care of my grandmother who had COPD and Emphazema and in that time Darling Husband and I were living in her home so it would be easier for me to give her the 24/7 care that she needed. Sadly, she passed in December, and I am slowely picking up the pieces of my broken heart. Long story short, she raised me, and at the end of her life I gave up all of personal life to take care of her. It was the most amazing and heart breaking thing I’ve ever done in my life. That being said, she has 4 children. 3 girls and a boy, my mother is her youngest and no longer in the picture. In her will, my mother was compeltely written out by the lawyers and I was written in…So that leads me to why I am in the home boards! Darling Husband and I were lucky enough to be blessed to be able to live in the family home on the pretense we would do all the upkeep, update it, and decided if he and I would like to buy it, or in turn it and sell the profits with my Aunt’s and Uncle…
I love my house, this is the house that I grew up in almost my whole life. Its an amazing house for the area that we live in, and its HUGE! It is also very old…and Darling Husband and I have so many ideas and we have started slowely updating the paint, fixing cracks, adding new paints of coat…and all of sudden it has just all gotten away from me. My Darling Husband is amazing but he likes to jump ahead to what HE wants not what needs to be done…so we went from redoing the kitchen (peeling wall paper, adding new paint, new furniture ect) to moving my living room into my dining room, adding a media room…and now my whole house is in shambles and I feel helpless. I don’t know were to start to finish, and I don’t know what to do. I’m in over my head…
So my point is (other than to get a bit of this off of my chest) I don’t know what to do!! I need help! My kitchen has one wall painted ( were doing an orange accent wall behind our counters the rest of the kitchen a country white because the kitchen is very small and dark) but half of the wall paper is still up, and hes managed to shove everything he didn’t want in his media room into my kitchen! Do you bee’s have any suggestions on how to organize or go about tackling so many projects at once? And if not….thank you for at least reading my long windded kind of rambaling post!!
Edit: On top of all of this I am currently a full time nanny and have a very fininky little girl that I watch 5 days a week and I am having a hard time getting ANYTHING done when shes not down for a nap, because she screams and cries when I leave her play room, or if she isn’t attached to my hip. Any suggestions about how to get around that as well would be very much appreciated as well thank you!
Post # 3
I’m so sorry to hear about your grandmother.
I would try to focus on one room at a time. My parents have done lots of renovations over the years so I am used to their house being a mess but not everyone can live like that.
Figure out what you want to do with each space, how long it will take you and then start small. If you start small and finish small projects then it will slowly get done.
Post # 4
@Ms. Martian: Thank you 🙂 That was my original plan…but my Darling Husband has suddenly derailed that plan by having me jump around from project to project with out fully finishing anything…I miss my old oranized house, but living in the same exact house as my grandmother was killing me as well…oh Blah! Okay..I am going to concentrate on my kitchen…only my kitchen until it is finished!
Post # 5
maybe make a list of everything that needs to be done, and the each of you take turns picking what you do next. Incentive to get it done so you can work on the next thing! =)
That way you can get what you want done, and he will help so you guys can move onto what HE wants. And vise versa
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Have a sit down with Darling Husband and develop a list of your shared renovation priorities, identify a budget for each priority, and then tackle them one at a time. I think renos are much easier when you strategically and logically identify the path that you want to follow, and then stick to it.
Post # 7
@lovekiss: Agreed. One thing at a time, and eventually it will all get finished. It’s SO easy to be overwhelmed when you’re in the process and everything is all over!! Map out what you want to do in each room (such as converting it into another room, painting, etc.) and start with the kitchen, since you need that. Take everything out of there that doesn’t belong and either chuck it or place it where it does belong. Oh, and also tell Darling Husband that if he doesn’t stick to the plan, you’ll lose your mind
How old is the little one you nanny for? I work in Daycare and seperation anxiety is very typical around the 9 month mark, and thankfully goes away. If you watch her in your home, bring her with you when you work. If you’re working in the kitchen, set her in a seat (or even a pack n play) for a little while with some toys (or paper and crayons if she’s older) so she can be with you and you can still get something done. She needs to get used to being put down at some point, right?
Post # 8
This sounds like a relationship communication issue, not a design dillema. You guys really need to sit down and examine how you’re communicating – and listening – to one another! It’s the most important part of a marriage, and this is a great project to get those issues out on the table. You both need to discuss what you’re comfortable with and what your priorities for the house are, and go from there. And then, once you’ve discussed this, discuss how you can implement what you’ve learned in other aspects of your relationship/marriage!
Post # 9
@misskarianne: Thank you! Thats how it started out….then it just got out of hand! Time to sit down and reprioatize!
@lovekiss: Thank you! We will be doing this tomorrow night. He likes to jump ahead into things he wants to show off and show boat off to his family and friends. and at this point with no energy I haven’t been very good at pushing him to stick to our prioties.
@MerryWidow: Thank you 🙂 I’ve managed to get rid of most of the things we DONT need…and I’m still working on alot of things we have multiples of (living in an already furnished house when getting married makes the kitchen a mess!) As far as B, she is 1 1/2. She’s very smart, but her mother babys her like no other. Were still on the bottle (which is a battle all in its own) I do need to get a pack in play. I do try to keep her in the room with me and enterained as much as possible, but she wanders so quickly, and dosn’t stay very focused on anything longer than a few moments. I need to look into getting a pack and play, I think that will help alot. As right now, she gets free rain of the house (for the most part) and has her own room just for her, movies, books, toys, music, the whole deal. She dosn’t like being in there alone, and I completely understand that.
@crayfish: Thank you:-) It’s not really a design delema so much, the design is fine in what we are doing and I have it all mapped out. It’s a getting it done issue. My husband is for lack of a better term, lazy, and gets bored easily. And at the end of our days he is grumpy I’m exhausted, and we are trying to attempt to get things done before we call it a night, we have different views. We do sit down and go over things quit often, but as of late we both are so BLAH he wants one thing and I want another I just cave and this is what has happened! I am just trying to find ways to reorganize my home, and get things back on track! We will be sitting down tomorrow night to go over what exactly what I want to see done, and what he wants to see done in the next few months, and prioratize everything!
Thank you bee’s for all your advice!
Post # 10
I am so sorry about your grandmother.
One room at a time is a great way to go. We bought a new hosue, so we didn’t need to do that route, but my mom did. She started with the kitchen, and has now moved through the office and bedroom, and will be tackling the master next followed by the bathrooms. She said it really helped to stay focused working this way.
Have fun with it!
Post # 11
I agree with the PP, but just want to add. Please make sure you get in writing how much your Aunt and Uncle will sell the house for to you. The current price will be much lower than the upgraded house. They might use you to make all the upgrades, then sell it at a better price. I would keep track of how much you put into the house (save your receipts and the track the time you spent) and get an estimate of it’s current value. I would get in writing (through a lawyer) that you will buy it from your Aunt and Uncle for the current price or will get the difference (current vs future) or the actual costs that you spent whichever is higher.
I would hate for you to lose all your sweat equity.
Post # 12
@KoiKove: Thank you for the advice 🙂 I will also speak to Darling Husband about that tommorow night, and have a sit down with my Aunt who is executor of the house currently to make that everything is in order. I will make sure to keep all receipts, although I don’t think a few coats of paint and moved furniture will spike the price up to high!! I didn’t even think about that though, so thank you very much!
Post # 13
I’m sorry about your grandmother.
can you sit down and make a list, together, on what is most important? Then work down that list. This way you are both on the same page. And i agree with a previous poster about tackling one room at a time.
Post # 14
@Whitanella: You would be surprised what a nice looking house vs a old shabby house will sell for, at least in this area. I’m talking $10,000-$30,000 diff. Just because the kitchen is sunny yellow instead of dark burgandy.
Post # 15
We moved into a ‘family house’ about 2 years ago. We had to clear out all the stuff (a lot of it from my FI’s childhood) and then start painting/tearing off wallpaper, etc. My only advice is:
focus on one room at a time.
Set aside a weekend and say, ok I”m doing the guest room this weekend. And then the next do another room. And eventually you will be done the whole house…but once you get one project done, you will be on a roll. A lot of times my Fiance wanted to start on something other than what I thought was important, so I would start working on something myself and then after a little bit he would join me and we would work together. It takes a lot of time and patience…but just pick a small room and start.
We thought about selling the house, but the house next door was not updated and had all the original hardware, counters, etc and it took over 2 years to sell. We knew that the position we were in meant we needed to upgrade, whether we lived there or not. Two years later, things look amazing and we love it! Can’t imagine selling now…but if we would decide to, we would get a little bit more money and it wouldnt take so long to sell!
Post # 16
@KoiKove: Oh wow!! Thats great news for us if we do decide to sell!! Thank you!!
@soyjoy222: We have managed to tackle one full room already, we both agreed it the first room in the house that needed to be done for my sanity (my grandmothers bedroom, she was on hospice and passed away in our hom) It turne out great and no one can believe its the same room. The rest of the house is a total work in progess. We like you, live in an old neighborhood. The houses around us, some have been updated and have a great turn around and the others like both of our neighbors havent been touched and are very hard to see when they go up.
As an update, I went like a bat out of hell to the kitchn last night and kind of put my foot dow about it. He isn’t helping (It’s justt crack filling and whole filling and painting right now, sense we had the counter tops and cupboards replaced about 10 years ago) and I feel a lot better. Once I am done with that we are moving on to his media room/man cave area and then our new dinning area. Thank you all for your suggestions, and support. I will be posting updates soon, and photos once my kitchen is done!