- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2015
I Need help — I am recently engaged, January 8th of this month. I have been with my Fiance for 7 years, so while we have already planned to live our lives together, his popping the question to get married was a total surprise. Truthfully, the reason I have never been excited is because my family, my Mother primarily, has convinced my entire family that he is a ‘loser’. I lost my dad 7 years ago, the same month that I met my Fiance. My mother believes my Fiance isn’t worthy and her reasons change with the weather – she has had so many reasons on her list, I cannot even remember them all.
The first 5 years of our relationship my Fiance made a great effort to develop a relationship with my Mother. He did what he could to help her with anything she needed, and frankly, she just blows him off. We have given up trying to force things, I have kept in touch with her and she communicates with me as if he is not in my life … LITERALLY. He and I live together and there is not one question from her that touches on my life with HIM. I am highly educated, just starting out in my career and she is extremely critical that we dont’ own a house yet etc..
My Fiance is a hardworking man who has supported me financially for the past 5 years. My mother has bashed him to the rest of my family, I do not feel comfortable even bringing him around them or introducing them because firstly, I’m not that close with them to begin with, and secondly, because I know in my heart that they are looking at him with a critical eye. I even had my Aunt try to set me up with some rich single guy at another wedding because, as she told another wedding guest, “her current boyfriend is a loser”. How rude and humiliating is this!?
I realize that many people might read this and think “if the entire family is seeing this, then perhaps there is a probelm”. I promise you.. THERE IS NO PROBLEM WITH HIM! He makes great money, has a stable job with great benefits, he comes from a great family, doesn’t drink or do drugs.. he is a great person.
We decided on 2015 destination wedding. My mother was less than annoyed that I was engaged, tried telling me that marriage serves no purpose (yet we are not allowed to sleep under her roof unless we are married). I told her that I want her to be a big part of it and she sighed and agreed, yet when I sent her pictures of our potential venue she did not respond. I did not get a congratulations from one person in my family… my Aunt, my brother.. no one. I almost want to crawl in a hole and forget about even being engaged. It saddens me because I want only to plan a great vacation with my family and his, but I can already see this turning out to be awkward and uncomfortable.
Am I giving my Mother what she wants by just running and hiding the fact that I love this man and want to celebrate it? Should I suck it up and plan a fabulous vacataion for our families when they may just show up with critical eyes and not be willing to even socialize with his family? Or should he and I go away on our own, so that our day and vacation will not be ruined by ANYONE?
HELP me please!!!