Family in wedding party – how did/does your partner feel and what did you do?

posted 10 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

Your bridal party should be the people you want to be with you. It doesn’t matter if they’re family or friends, male or female – to me it’s about picking people who are important to you. My husband had a best woman and no groomsmen, and it was great!

Post # 3
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - Mountains

I have moved a lot in life as well and don’t feel close enough to anyone to be my Maid/Matron of Honor etc. I’m actually not having any bridesmaids. I have several friends who are graciously traveling to attend my wedding will be in the audience as I did not want to burden anyone with travel and dress costs. If you really don’t have anyone close to you then perhaps go without a wedding party? You can still have a bachelorette party.

If you are close to his family (your future cousins) then choose them, but I wouldn’t choose anyone out of obligation.

Post # 4
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I had my sisters and my sister in law (husbands sister) on my side and he had 4 friends. I wanted to keep it small (ish), I could easily have added 2 close friends and/or 2 close cousins but that seemed like a lot so I drew the line at siblings. I think you can choose whoever you want, but to me 7 people up there just on one side sounds like a ton. However I wanted a very casual wedding, and larger wedding parties feel more formal to me. If that’s what you want then go ahead! 

Post # 5
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada

I’ve always been of the mindset that you should choose whomever you want to stand beside you. People will judge no matter what you do, so you might as well do whatever you want, especially on your big day. As far as your boyfriend goes, maybe he’d feel obligated to include his family in other special ways/choose them over having his friends stand with him so that they wouldn’t feel slighted by all of the amazing inclusion you’ve described for your own family?

Personally I’ll be having my two best girlfriends as maid/matron of honor, either my youngest brother’s girlfriend or my childhood best friend/’cousin’ as a bridesmaid, and my male best friend (‘brother from another mother’) standing with me on my side as a dudesmaid. My two brothers will walk my mom down the aisle, and if my middle brother is still together with his girlfriend in 2021 (I quite like her, just not sure if they’ll be together for the long haul) I’ll ask her to be a signatory or give her another duty to include her. I’ll also be doing a ‘father/daughter’ dance with my fiance’s dad after dancing with my own father, and will be doing a third one as well with my best friend/maid of honor’s dad as well. My family is composed of my immediate relatives and friends that are so close, we’ve chosen each other over distant relatives that do not make the effort to have good relationships. So with this in mind, I’ll definitely be finding ways to honor each one of my tribe as they are individually all so special and appreciated in my life.

I completely understand not wanting to look back at pictures and thinking you’d only focus on women that aren’t in your life anymore immortalized in your wedding photos, but why look at it in such a negative light? Who’s to say they wouldn’t still be your friends years down the road, unless you plan on immediately cutting contact after your wedding? Or to not look back and be happy that however long a friendship lasted for, that they were there to love and support you on your big day? Not judging at all, just trying to understand and offer insight 🙂

Post # 8
Member
8454 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

ispeakingifs :  

“Not engaged yet….” That being  the case dear bee, I would  not worry about these complicated sounding and –  sorry  – micromanaged  arrangements until you  are . And then just  have who you want . 

Post # 9
Member
4660 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

elderbee :  yeah I have to agree

OP you’re getting yourself worked up over something that may not happen. And even contemplating the possibility of divorce? Your taste / thoughts may change over time. I first joined this site in 2010 (when I was with someone else). Since then both my brothers got married and my god daughter was born. Who did I have in my bridal party? Those 3 people who weren’t even in my life back then and all of who are family.

Post # 10
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

For our wedding we only had family in our bridal party. 

Post # 11
Member
1618 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

Yeah I have to agree with others – there is no need to fret over this until you’re actually engaged. At the time you’ll know what feels right and who you want there with you. Btw why are you even mentioning divorce…?

Post # 12
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - Hyatt Regency Grand Cypress

So ideally, especially because we’re having a pretty small wedding (50-60 people), I would have had a small bridal party of just friends (one Maid of Honor and three bridesmaids). Then FH let me know that he thought it was important that he have my brother stand up for him and his sister stand up for me. Neither of us are close to the other’s sibling but I’m close to my brother and he’s close to his sister, so I agreed that this’d be nice. Then it became evident that his cousin, whom is like a sister to him, was expecting to be asked. Soooo once it became apparent I’d need to invite her, I chose to also invite two of my first cousins, whom I love very much and am also very close to.

I knew including family would cause things to balloon up quickly, and it did. But this isn’t just my wedding, it’s my fiance’s too, and if including his family was important to him, I’d make it important to me.

Post # 15
Member
891 posts
Busy bee

I was a “best man” for a friend of mine. I stood next to him with a few other groomsman. I was also a bridesmaid for someone I didn’t know very well; she was a coworker, and asked a few of us girls to be bridesmaids. Her husband had a few close friends as groomsmen, and she had no friends or family to ask. If boyfriend is discussing your future, a proposal may be near, and I can see why you’re daydreaming about the big day. Also, your boyfriend can think it’s a cop-out all he wants. You get to choose who you want to ask to stand next to you, as he will his groomsmen. 

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