Post # 1
So my parents received an invitation to my first cousin’s wedding and it was addressed to “Our-last-name-Family”. I understand addressing invitations this way when parents and kids are all living together but my brother and I are 27 and 32 and have not lived at home for years. We’re not super buddy-buddy with our cousin (we were close as kids but now he lives far away) but he could have reached out through Facebook to get our addresses.
This brings up another issue…do my brother and I have the right to ask if we can bring our SO’s? Our cousin has never met them so it’s understandable that they wouldn’t be invited. I know weddings are expensive and I’d hate to be rude and ask for a guest if I’m not entitled to one. Thoughts on how to approach this?
Post # 2
Yes, you should have gotten your own invites with +1’s. They were rude. However, since that wasn’t the case you would be rude to ask about bringing your SO. It sucks but either attend with your family or not at all.
Post # 3
Are you sure the invite was intended to include you and your brother? I assume your aunt/uncle – parent of this cousin- knows you two haven’t living at home in years?
It appears SO’s are not invited and as PP stated, while this is very rude of your cousin, it would be very rude to ask to bring anyone.
Is this an on line RSVP? If so, check to see if your and your SO’s are listed. If not, just attend without any SO… or delcine the invite.
Post # 4
this is probably my BIGGEST weddng pet peeve. i would personally boyocott going to the wedding all together. if they really wanted you there they could have bothered to easily found out your address and mail you a proper invite. rudeeee!!
ETA: Also, I think it should be assumed that you and your siblings are not being offred a plus 1
Post # 5
Sigh. That’s what I figured. I don’t mind going with my family (we were all definitely invited) but it would have been nice to have had the option to bring our SO’s. My brother lives with his gf and I’m moving in with my bf soon. Oh well, but I totally understand this from the point of the bride/groom. From what I understand from my uncle, they’re on a tight budget.
Post # 6
The invitation was addressed to your parents (and family) therefore I would have them clarify.
Post # 7
If there aren’t names, clarify with the cousin who is actually invited. If you don’t live there and your name isn’t on it, I’m unsure as to whether even you are invited.
Post # 8
You don’t have to go if you don’t want to and since you’re not that friendly with the cousin yourself and he’s never met your SO you shouldnt feel obligated. have you met his fiance?
in any case, I am going to assume the invite is primarily for your parents, and you and your brother as singles if you want to go. Whether it’s rude or not thats my take.
Post # 9
I would kindly reach out to cousin and ask if it was a slight. I did this to my fiances cousin (I have bad etiquette apparently esp when it came to weddings and realized later it was a total faux pas). I had no idea her age nor had any idea she was in a significant relationship. I met her once and thought she was in high school going to college (not that that means less) she should have gotten and invite herself but fiances mom addressed it to mr and mrs and family. Later I found out she was in grad school and living w boyfriend. I sent her a message on fb apologizing but not sure she got it -were not friends on fb. Sometimes give bride benefit of doubt and reach out it may have been an oversight or bad faux pas.
Post # 10
Are you sure you and your brother were included on the invite?
I have two adult cousins who live at home, and they’re still getting their own separate invites, because they’re adults. I would probably call and confirm to see if you/brother are actually invited– and if yes, ask if your SOs are then. Much less awkward than if you called and asked, only to make the bride say ‘oh sorry, you’re not invited’…
Post # 11
Yeah I’m not even sure you’re invited in this case. The invitation was sent to your parents without specifically naming you. If your cousin has never met your BF/gf and you’re not married or engaged they’re really not obligated to invite them.
Your parents should clarify whether the invitation includes you and your brother. If it does, I wouldn’t ask about your SO’s since the invitation was still mainly for your parents.
Post # 12
Just because your cousin hasn’t met your SOs does not make it understandable that he didn’t invite them. What he did was rude. It was also rude to include you and your brother (who are both adults) on your parents invitation.
Since the invite was addressed to “The Smith Family” this does mean you are invited.
I personally, would just not attend the wedding.
Post # 13
I was put in a very similar. My sisters and I did not attend the wedding of my cousin as we both live on our own and are both engaged to be married this year and next.
My mom (my parents did attend the wedding) was speaking with the bride and groom at the wedding and my other aunt was present in the group. When my cousin asked why my sister and myslef did not attend the wedding, my aunt who had heard about the whole thing (and let me up front my aunt is a huge believer in etiquette and puts everything bluntly and to the point, no point in not stepping on people’s toes and putting it correctly)
“If you want adults to treat you with respect, then treat them with the slightest ounce that they deserve. An engaged couple living on their own deserves their own invitation. If you wanted them to attend you should have addressed the invitation properly and not send out invitations hoping people could guess who Mr. and Mrs. and Family refers to. By all means we are not a pack of birds that hears who is invited through the grape vine. And if you were going for a modern day approach, invite them face to face.”
I love my aunt and it made my parents feel good to know they were not the only ones peeved by the situation. Like other bees have said this is probably one of the annoying and totally avoidable situations and when it happens it makes both parties feel awkward. It is so rude even if you do not know them.
I took the etiquette route on our invitations and reached out to everyone to make sure we had their addresses.