(Closed) Family invited their daughter's BF instead of grandma – how to word response?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
3026 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

“Sorry, I understand there could be some confusion. However, the invite is only for xyz. I’m sad to see x can’t make it. We look forward to seeing you, y, and z! Thank you!”

If they come back and say they aren’t coming then just say “We’re sorry to hear that. Thank you for informing us!”

If they come back to debate it… “I’m sorry but the invitations are specific to whom they were addressed to only. We will not be able to accomadate any replacements. We would love to see those invited attend but, if you cannot, we understand.”

Post # 3
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2018

In my opinion they have every right to say no to Sam.  If the invitation was for a certain person then thats who is invited.  It is the bride and grooms day and they get to choose who is at their wedding and if they don’t want Sam, Sam doesnt get to come.  I would nicely explain that the wedding is a chance for family and friends of the couple to celebrate the marriage, and that the invitation is for those listed, and no replacement should be made. They should be prepared for the entire family not to come. However, if the family can not understand or at least accept that it is purely up to the bride and groom and they aren’t doing it to be mean then they may not want them celebrating such a special day with them anyway. As someone who is preparing to spend a lot of money on food and entertainment I would not be happy about spending a significant amount of money on someone who I did not invite. 

 

Good luck and I wish them all the best!

Post # 4
Member
3234 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Welll… If Sam is a true boyfriend of the girl, he should’ve been invited, as couples should be invited together. 

But two rudes don’t make a polite so crossing out stuff on the rsvp was definitely not cool. I’d probably call it a draw at this point, but the bride and groom could definitely say no sorry, the invite was for who it was for. 

That said – “sorely needed spot”? B lists are even more rude, so if grandma can’t com and they kick out Sam, they should NOT be inviting someone in his place! 

Post # 5
Member
283 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
thatweddinggirl :  How old is this girl? If she’s still in high school/early college I think it’s fine to say that her boyfriend can’t come. If she’s older and they’ve been dating a while I think it would be best to just let them bring him.

Post # 8
Member
43 posts
Newbee

I am 100% in favour of giving these (very rude!) guests a firm no. I like the way 

View original reply
soymilk suggested putting it.

Separately, I don’t agree that all couples should be invited together, and it certainly isn’t required in terms of traditional etiquette. Just my opinion, but I think you should spend your wedding day surrounded by the people you love most – we’re expected to compromise on a thousand different things every single day of our lives, but I’d put my foot down for something as important as the guest list on my wedding day.

Post # 9
Member
433 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
ocienna :  I agree on partners! Especially when it comes to extended family. Lizzie is going to be in attendance with her family and will know a good chunk of the guest list, there is no reason her bf need be included. 

I feel differently about friends who are being expected to attend alone. 

Post # 10
Member
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

View original reply
thatweddinggirl :  my aunt did this–we invited just aunt/uncle, not the kids (my cousins). That was our cutoff because I’m not close to any of my cousins and they are all hooligans, haha.

But my aunt RSVPd that she and GirlCousin1 would be attending. I called her and said, “I’m so sorry for the confusion, the invitation was for you and UncleName. Will you both be attending?”

None of them showed up because I think they got butthurt over it but hey (I wasn’t sad over it, I didn’t want to invite any of them, haha). But yeah. That’s not how RSVPs work. If it was a +1, then I would KNOW I wouldn’t know the person attending and that’s fine…but if I invited specific people, I would absolutely be letting them know that the invitation was for those that were named, and that you’re sorry for the confusion but just need to confirm which of the 4 invited will be coming.

Post # 11
Member
666 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
ocienna :  Separately, I don’t agree that all couples should be invited together, and it certainly isn’t required in terms of traditional etiquette.

 

What “traditional etiquette” are you referencing? Traditional etiquette has *always* required that established couples be invited together. Precisely what constitutes an “established couple” has shifted (very slightly) over the years, but there’s no “traditional etiquette” that I’m aware that would permit splitting up, say, a married or engaged couple.

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