(Closed) Family is not that excited- rant need support

posted 5 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
8446 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

On one hand, I get the “it’s not your first marriage” thing, but your family should just be happy because you’re happy.  They wouldn’t tell you to quit something because you made a couple of mistakes early on, instead, they’d probably tell you to pick yourself back up and try again.  I don’t see why love and marriage would be any different.  Congrats on the upcoming elopement!

Post # 5
8446 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@aliciapdx:  Maybe they just don’t know how to show it?  Or don’t have the energy (they are 10 years older now).  Either way, you can always gush about the details to us bees and of course we’ll be excited for you.  Love is exciting!

Post # 6
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Are you sure your mom’s reason for sending out so few elopement announcements is what you think it is? It might be because she doesn’t want it to look like you are soliciting gifts. Some people interpret engagement/marriage announcements that way. I’m not saying she’s right, but that could be what she’s thinking.

Also, my Fiance has been married twice before, and I frequently say “Third time’s the charm” when it comes up. I am sure your uncle’s joke is not meant to be hurtful, so try not to take it as such – try and take a lighthearted approach to it instead of assuming people are judging you.

Post # 9
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@aliciapdx:  It’s a bummer, but they may be weary (not saying they should). Perhaps they have the “we don’t want to get our hopes up” mentality. I know that sounds awful, but it’s possible.

Also, many brides struggle with this.  Young brides deal with family saying they are too young, older brides deal with people saying they are too old. You and your Fiance are going to be the most excited about your wedding, hands down.

My Fiance and I are nearing 30 and have been together for 11 years. Some of my family members (especially a cousin) have said….it’s about time or is a wedding realy necessary, you have been together for so long. I would recommend surrounding yourself with people who are excited for you.

Post # 11
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

First & Foremost…


I say that L♥VE is good at any age…

BUT it can be particulary sweet if you’ve had a streak of bad luck

(Lol mine was 20 years of bad road in a marriage… and a horrid Divorce)

So honey, I soooo get where you want to shout from the roof-tops

Sadly, it is like that old fable… about the Boy Who Cried Wolf… me thinks for your Relatives

Uncle may have been trying to be light and funny… “third times the charm”… but he wasn’t

And Aunties “as long as you are sure this time”… didn’t do much to help out either… LOL sounds like these two truly deserve each other !!

As for Mom (and to be honest, at 50+ not only am I an Encore Bride, but I’m a Mom myself)

I kinda see a lot more going on here than meets the eye…  

First and foremost, I’d say she’s genuinely bursting at the seams thrilled for you… in that she put it up on FaceBook and was please as punch to tell you it received 50 Congrats.

BUT I do think as a Mom she’s a bit conflicted too.

She’s probably a tad worried about what others would be thinking / saying about “her baby” (and when I say baby, I mean that in the kindest way… for us mothers our kids will alwasy be “our babys”).  And so like a Mother Bear she wants to protect from as much criticism, heartache and pain as possible

Trust me… if you’ve heard the comments from Auntie & Uncle Too-Couth-for-Words… that she has heard this stuff too… she’s just being “a Lovin’ Mom” and not telling you

So as much as you are thrilled… and I SOOOOO GET THAT as a second time arounder…

You might want to consider reigning in the “paperwork” a bit.  Wedding Stationery is all wrapped up in the magic world of Etiquette… and that can indeed cause sideways glances, and raised eyebrows

This is one occasion, when being hip & modern might be best… and stick with word of mouth, FaceBook, a Website etc for getting the news out about your Engagement / Elopement

NOW after the Vows have been said… there is nothing to stop you from a full-bang-on FABULOUS Party… or sending out Wedding Announcements complete with pics etc.

Which is exactly what Mr TTR and I did.  We played it all safe, and went “quiet and intimate” for our Engagement… and a wonderful just the 2 of us Elopement / Destination Wedding (on the beach) as part of a greater Pre-Wedding / Honeymoon extravaganza adventure…

But once home… we let her fly.

Hosted a wonderful party for Frends & Family… and are in the midst now that the Wedding Pics are back… getting out our combo Thank You Cards / Wedding Announcements to everyone (they have pics on the front of the Wedding and the words We Eloped! printed inside… we tuck in personal notes for Thanks, or details of our news to those who live far and wide and didn’t make the party… it works)

I’ve found that when it comes to Encores things are finally becoming more relaxed (YES it is OK to marry in a White Dress… or have a Great Wedding the second time around)… BUT folks haven’t embraced the “Yippee I’m engaged AGAIN philosophy quite so much”

But once you are married… all bets are off… people seem genuinely thrilled.


Skip the E-Announcements and just proceed right to the Getting Married and Living Life Happily Ever-After Bit.

Hope this helps,

LOL… is there anyway you can recycle any aspect of your E-Cards ?  Do they have photos for example ?


Post # 13
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012


I should add that we told folks we were Engaged.  Some friends sent us cards.  Some friends took us out for a Drink / Meal. 

We didn’t have an E-Party per se, but the day we picked up my E-Ring from being sized etc, we met up with friends for a Drink… they knew we were Engaged… but we told ’em we wanted to meet up to celebrate with a drink … then we unveiled THE RING.  It was fun.  We bought the bubbly.

We told everyone our Wedding Plans… Elopement & Honeymoon.  Friends threw us a Surprise Couple’s Shower.

When we were away, we mailed out our Invites for our Back Home Reception…

Once home we worked on getting grounded again with a routine (we were gone 5 weeks) and planning / organizing The Reception

We had a good turn out at The Reception… we had Cocktails & Hors d’ouevres – Cake & Champagne – DJ & Dancing

It was a blast !!

And so it goes… being married is fantastic.  Everyone is happy for us.  We are still revelling in it as Newlyweds… and surrounded by much L♥VE

Trust me… it’ll happen

Just let it flow naturally… your enthusiasm is contageous.

So let that flow out and back…  like the tide. Not try to pull it towards you I guess is what I am saying.

(( HUGS ))


Post # 14
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Re – Reply # 11

These are PERFECT !!

Just send ’em out after all is said & done.

Trust me… it will all work out.


Post # 16
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ya know…

In that case, I’d wait until you get back home from the Elopement.

(Sorry I misunderstood your first post… I took it you were looking to send out something NOW)

Hug your Mom.  Show her your pics from your Wedding / Honeymoon… whatever you guys decide to do to mark the happy occasion.  And be bubbly (lol, it’ll only come naturally anyhow)

Get a bunch of prints made of the best photo… and send ’em out in with the Wedding Announcements (you’ve shown me above).

Send ’em to whomever you wish (10 or 100… honestly you have NOTHING to be ashamed of… that era / stigma for Encore Brides is over now… AMEN)

IF someone does get you a gift… like happened to us.. then tuck a Thank You Note inside.

I can see where some might say making an Annoucement like this is “Gift Grabby”… but truly Wedding Announcements are ok by Etiquette Standards… they’ve been the norm for a long long time.  Folks who want to give you a gift will.  Those who don’t want to… won’t.  For others the Announcement will be seen “as a bit of news”.  And anyone who has sent you a present you can slip a note inside thanking them profusely for being so kind to think of you both.

Where Wedding Stationery has changed is in its informality… what you actually have here is combo of what was once a Wedding Announcement & an At Home Card… that gives the info on where the couple resides upon their return.  This updated card IMO works for todays world.

As long as you are sincere with your correspondence (and its presentation)… and not too in your face / pushy with it… I’d go more conservative here than anything else.  You’ll be fine.  Your momma will be fine too.

Hope this helps,


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