Post # 1
It was really important to me to pick a venue as soon as we got engaged. It helped create a timeline for us. Well, the location is about an hour from where I live. It’s up near Mystic, which is a historic seaport area. We both fell in love with it!
Unfortunately, none of our family seems to care for the location. They haven’t seen it but I think each side has their own expectations. My mom, for example, wants us to have a closer location. Something that isn’t too far for our guests coming in from NY. His mom, wants our wedding to be held at West Point, the service academy he graduated from. It bugs me that everyone is making these suggestions after we put a deposit down on the venue we like. I’m alright with opinions, but I think the timing stinks.
BUT–I have started to look for another venue that is closer to home. As much as I love the venue we chose, I want to make everyone happy (or as happy as possible, bc you can’t please everyone). I’m even planning on visiting three sites that are both closer to my hometown and near his school.
Has anyone else gone through this? Has anyone else changed their venue after putting a deposit down?
Post # 3
I would just tell that that you appreciate their sugestions but the decision has already been made. You could change the subject and ask for their “valued opinion” on some other aspect of the wedding. Let them have input, but only on the things you don’t mind input on.
Post # 4
i thought about it… but loosing my deposit wasn’t worth it to me…
Unless your mom or another family member wouldnt help replacing the deposit you already put. I wouldn’t do it unless that was to happen
Post # 5
Are any of these people who are not liking your venue helping to pay for the wedding? If not, honestly, it’s your wedding and if you guys are paying for it, it should be about what you want (it should be like that irregardless, but it’s trickier when the other parties are paying a significant portion). My side of the family is not thrilled with our reception venue (I think they think it’s too fancy) but while I respect their opinion, Fiance and I are footing the bill for everything and WE love the site. If we were to start giving in (and losing deposits) to make everyone happy we wouldn’t have the wedding we want and probably I think in a few years would look back and regret not standing our ground.
I think if you love where you guys put the deposit down you should keep it. Like others said, tell the family that you respect their opinions, but you guys have your hearts set on where you’re already booked.
Post # 6
If you guys love it, keep it. I got lots of comments about my venue which is a zoo. My Future Mother-In-Law came to the tasting with us and was like “Wow! This is really nice! When you guys said you wanted to get married at the zoo I was worried.”
Maybe if they see it for themselves they will love it too.
Post # 7
OMG…I started reading this post because my Mom started out only lukewarm about our venue…which happens to be in Stonington!!! I couldn’t believe it when I saw yours was in Mystic! May I ask where?
I found that my Mom really started to warm up to it as soon as she realized how much Fiance and I both like it. Even though she still says it isn’t what she’d choose for her own wedding, she now says she understands why we love it and is totally on board. I guess we got lucky 🙂
PS Two of my friends, both from NYC, got married in northeastern CT last summer. Their parents complained for months about having to travel to CT when there were so many local options, but in the end, it was a gorgeous wedding and everyone was happy.
Post # 8
I may be a little biased… I’m getting married in Mystic. I say keep it here! It’s such a gorgeous part of the state. And as for his mom… get her to consider that July in the Hudson River Valley is humid as all heck. But in (or near – where are you booked currently?) Mystic will have a nice sea breeze. That was definitely one of our considerations – we’re getting married in July, too. Good luck!
Post # 9
I understand your pain. Are either parents paying for the wedding?
When Fiance and I picked our venue – my family was NOT happy with it at all. It actually caused quite a bit of tension and drove me crazy. My sister started suggesting all these alternates (all these locations we had already ruled out) – it was a nightmare.
What you will soon learn is that each family (and each person in those families) has a vision for what they want your wedding to be like. Most times, it will be very different from what you want.
My advice is stick to your original plan and go with the venue you found. If you want to secretly look at other venues that fit both family’s desires – go for it – but I would do it on the down low – because it sets a precedence for other decisions down the road – IMO.
Post # 10
You are the ones getting married and paying for the wedding so the decision is yours. It honestly does not matter if they like the location or not. What does matter is that they support your relationship. Everything else is just details. Don’t change your venue because other people don’t like it for one reason or another. They can choose a different location when their turn to marry comes along.