Post # 1
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
Hi Bee’s.
I am in a bit of a pickle and wanted some advice. I have booked tickets for my mother and I to go to the national wedding fair (in London) next month. Since my grrandmother moved away she is feeling a bit left out of the planning so I asked my mother to invite her too. You have to pay for the tickets so I wanted it to come from my mother not me as I didn’t want her to feel pressured if she couldn’t afford it.
Now I wanted this to be a girly cute trip, 3 generations etc. I did tell my mother and grandmother this. I got a reply from my mother this morning saying ‘Nan and her husband are really excited to come to the wedding fair and have already brought their tickets’ So now my grandmothers husband is coming too 🙁
Now I really do not like him, he is nasty, condesending, horrible to my/about my father (in front of me, we have had many blow up arguments over his utter disrespect for him, even when my mother and father were still married) and he is now going to butt in on a girly trip!
If its a big family gathering I do not mind him as I can stay away, not talk to him much and get on with life, however its just going to be the 4 of us going all day and I really am not looking forward to going anymore.
I have already brought my ticket, my mother etc. have brought theirs too so I can’t even back out 🙁
What would you guys do ? I have tried to tactfully mention this to my grandmother saying I was really looking forward to a girls day (left out the fact I hate her husband…she already knows this) etc. but she just smiled and said well now its a girls plus man day…seriously!
*Just to give detail my grandmothers husband is horrible, to my aspergic brother, to my father and not overly nice to my Fiance. He calls my father names infront of me and gets annoyed I take offence to this, he is really nasty about my brother who has aspergers so stuggles socially which is what he mocks, he also is quite patronising to Fiance. I am only just getting over the fact I need to invite this ‘man’ to my wedding…grr.. he is only 54 so can’t even pull the grumpy old man card!
Post # 2
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
Yikes, you are in a pickle. I guess there really is nothing to do about it except deal. Maybe he will be nice for a day (LOL) maybe you can just ignore him, or call your grandmother and explain in detail a little more how you want it strickly girls and stick to it.
PS: He sounds like a piece of work.
Post # 3
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
Is this the same grandmother who’s trying to guilt you out of buying a house so you can take care of her?
Post # 4
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
Kikibear: No this is my mothers mother…that grandmother is now in a care home 🙁 not happy about it but its for the best 🙁
Post # 5
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
MsYellowFinch: big piece of work 🙁 its hard as my mothers real father walked out when they were young, my grandmother then had a further 4 failed mariages to horrible men who treated her and my mother/aunt like crap, but this husband at least treats my mother well, she loves him and considers him her father so is very hesitant to support me/my brother/my father when he says mean things 🙁
Post # 6
Member
628 posts
Busy bee
1234qwerty94: I love “girl’s day” dates with just my Mom and my Grandma. They don’t get to happen often so I can empathize as to how this is a raincloud on your parade. My first thought was – give his ticket to someone else! Is there another girlfriend or female relative that you wouldn’t mind having with you at the wedding fair who doesn’t already have a ticket? If so, they can buy the boyfriend’s ticket off of your Grandma and he can be let down easily – “Sorry HisName, this one’s just a girl’s day!”
Post # 7
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
1234qwerty94: Id make a phone call to her and explain how you wanted 3 generations of ladies o nly, tell her your going to do girly things and dont think its a good idea for him to come. You will be better off because do you really want to go shopping with someone who is going to belittle your father and annoy you on your special shopping day? it will turn out a disaster. Get your mother on board to help you settle this ASAP
Post # 8
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
It sounds like your grandmother really doesnt care about what you want. 🙁
Sorry bee this is tough. Can you talk to your mom about it, maybe with her help you can figure this out.
And if he does come, stand your ground. Do not let his nasty attitude dampen your experience.
Post # 9
Member
4036 posts
Honey bee
I can imagine he’d be bored out of his mind, if they’re like the shows in the US. I’ve been to one, and the male attenders were few and far between (mostly husband’s to be and a few FOB). I couldn’t wait to get out of there myself.
Post # 10
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
1234qwerty94: Ugh, that is a pickle. Sorry bee! I don’t get why he would even want to come?!
But if he does then those places tend to be packed, could you just lose them in the crowd? Your grandmother screwed this one up, is he controlling or is she just oblivious?
Or you could send him some brownies packed with laxatives.
Post # 11
Member
628 posts
Busy bee
howdoyoudo: +1 on the laxative brownies if my other suggestion doesn’t fly
Post # 12
Member
8283 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Would it be possible to get your mother to tactfully intervien?
Post # 13
Member
2403 posts
Buzzing bee
1234qwerty94: UGH, sorry Bee. It sounds like you’ve already brought this up with your grandmother and emphasized that you watned it to be a girl’s day, and she blew you off. I’m not sure what else you can do at this point, except maybe ask your mom to handle it? If your mom has a closer relationship with him, maybe she can talk to him about it?
I imagine the fair doesn’t last all day. Could he join you for breakfast before the fair and then dinner after the fair so that he’s still participating in the trip without actually going to the fair with you?
Post # 14
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
2XMOB: I would hope he gets bored…although it might make him worse lol! he is very into girly things and went dress shopping with my aunt when she got married a few years ago though and enjoyed it! grr…
Post # 15
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
Soon2bmrs1: Its an all day ish affair, as its the largest wedding fair in the UK. Also since we have to travel a bit they want to do a breakfast before, lunch there and then dinner before they head home (they live 2-3 hours away) 🙁 wahh! I might try and see if my mother will get involved, she usually likes to stay out of mine and his drama but on this occasion I might have to push.