- 2 years ago
I am venting and looking for advice in this post. This has been going on for YEARS.
I was visiting my boyfriend. LDR(3 hours north) He has moved in with his mom for the winter to help take care of her. She has a myriad of health issues. Went up every week or so for a couple months and then about once a month.
My parents don’t like him. (He doesn’t have a “pedigree”). They only just started learning his name. A year and a half into the relationship they barely acknowledge him as a boyfriend.
Anyways, whenever I visited they snapped or were just generally hostile or straight up ignored me. If I told one, they neglected to tell the other one. They actually ignored me for a few days when I went to visit and came back. I did live with them at the time but moved out that spring.
Which resulted in my mother calling me a “slut” and “white trash” over the whole thing.
I mentioned this to my aunt and she seemed ok about it “Oh she just cares about you.” Parents are like you are too sensitive.
i was invited for Christmas at their house. The 23rd. I believe I ended up going the 22nd and the 23rd. But when I mentioned it to my Dad, he outright snapped and was furious. “Christmas is a time for family”. My Dad is usually a pretty calm person. He was the more reasonable parent.
I hate mentioning things to them sometimes because they get so angry. At least once I let them know where I was going over text so I wouldn’t have to suffer their reaction right then and there (Which that is an issue that has carried into my current relationship). I have depression, anxiety and very low self-esteem from them.
Now I have a whole slew of other issues wth my parents. (“Oh nothing you wear looks cute.” “You look like a Hobo.” No one wants to see that. (This is in regards to my weight). My mom refused to send out a Christmas card picture one year because of my weight. I am not that overweight.
My mom keeps comparing me to others like in this one instance that comes to mind. My cousin is a year younger then me and is a waitress. My mom doesn’t like the fact that I’m a shift lead at a gas station. I need to make more money. Keep in mind my cousin and I are both in Collage. (I go to school full-time and work full time). My mom is all like you need to be a waitress. But first you have to lose weight or else you will look pregnant and nobody wants a pregnant waitress. People will be unsure of the situation. Blah Blah Blah.
My boyfriend has been so understanding, sweet and supportive with me. He has helped out a lot with my self-worth and confidence. (He also doesn’t like them for how they have treated me but never once gives on when he is around them.) He genuinely thinks I’m beautiful. Which is something I have never gotten from my parents. He is also my best friend.
Now my parents want me to finish school and graduate so they are helping pay for school. They are also paying for half my rent. They are doing the same thing for my brother too. They are doing this on the condition that I’m in school.
My parents also tend to look down on people they consider lower then them. My mom has unfriended me on Facebook because I share weird stuff that nobody needs to see( stuff I like and find interesting like anime, video games and Star Wars). She has criticized my R2D2 purse from Hot Topic as being too childish despite that purse getting TONS of compliments from people. Even one of her friends. If I posted something like At Amusement Park with my boyfriend or something random, she be like take that post down no one wants/needs to see it.
Sometimes when I go out to the movies or a class with my mother, I will mention that Boyfriend or Best Friend says Hi. You know, Common manners/politeness. She got furious the last time I said that and started tearing up saying she/they will never like him. They also tend to ignore all mention of him. I’ve pointed out that he is sweet,kind and supportive -building him up – and she says she doesn’t care if he’s treating me right.
He has never been rude to them. Always respectful to them the few times they did meet. He doesn’t like them and doesn’t like to be around them because of how they treat him and me.
Everytime I refer to our apartment as home in front of my dad, he is like you mean your apartment, right? This is home. Oddly enough I don’t have this issue with my Mom.
I dont know know what they are saying to the extended family on both sides behind my back but i know they are doing it.
BFs parents (Dads side) have asked when they can meet my parents. Boyfriend or Best Friend told them not for a while since mine are a bit difficult.
A while back I made a off-hand comment “Do I have to get married in a church” – Mom and I were at festival at Japanese Gardens and there was a thing about wedding in them. She lost it. Cried and got mad. I dropped it and got out of there quick.
They also try to keep him out of family events and such.
I don’t like being around them. I don’t like the way they treat me or Boyfriend or Best Friend. I evtually want them to have a good relationship with each other. I get jealous/sad when I see how welcoming they are with my older cousins boyfriend. My bf has mentioned how he knows how much I would like him asking my dad for their blessing to marry me. I think it would be a great bonding moment. But realistically I don’t think it would happen.
Even without my Boyfriend or Best Friend being added to the mix, things are very stressful with them.
i do go see a therapist and 90% of my issues and the things I talk about are about my parents specifically my mother. On a side note, my therapist still can’t believe that my parents still haven’t warmed up to Boyfriend or Best Friend yet.
I want to say my mom is emotionally abusive and toxic and just cares about the family image.
I just don’t know what to or how to get them to warm up to him or stop being cruel to me. Thanks for reading. I know this is long.