(Closed) Family issues-what to do: Didn't come to my wedding-just got their invite

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3000 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Just mark decline in the RSVP. I don’t think you need a reason for not attending. They should be able to figure out why you won’t be coming (and I don’t blame you!).

Post # 4
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

exactly – just check not attending…

Post # 5
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

That’s so rude!  I agree, this isn’t a “forgive and forget” but I hope it can be a “forget.”  

If you want to go to their wedding, by all means go!  But when it comes to buying them a gift, I’d respectfully decline to do so.  

Post # 6
1895 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Me personally, I would gracioulsy rsvp with a no… why should you put effort into that relationship when its only you putting in the effort. I also wouldnt get them a gift..  I know two wrongs dont make a right, but consider paying for their plate at your wedding their gift Wink

Post # 8
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

just mark “no”.  But wait forever to send it.  LOL  you know how brides lose their minds when RSVPs don’t come back before the deadline.

bwa ha ha ha!!

Post # 10
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@fivemonthsnotice:  I was going to suggest that.  That is probably what I would do.

But I don’t like to spread bad Karma  Wink

Post # 12
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I am a firm believer in the benefits of forgiveness, so, I can’t say that I agree with your thoughts on that part. However, I do understand why you’re frustrated, angry, hurt, and upset.

Even if you choose to forgive this couple, that doesn’t mean that you must continue to invest a lot of effort and emotion in maintaining this relationship or that you need to extend yourselves to attend their wedding or to purchase a gift for this couple. 

In all honesty, I would suggest giving yourself some time to get through the hurt and deep disappointment that this incident has caused you. As tempting as it may be to check “unable to attend” on the response card and mail it back immediately, I recommend that you put this matter aside for a few weeks and see how you feel about it then.  As long as you respond before the reply date, you don’t need to rush into responding before you’re sure of your decision.


Post # 13
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would be pissed also, but keep in mind that maybe it was more your cousin’s fault than his fiance’s?  Be mad at your cousin, but not at her, assuming she was a bit removed from the whole situation. If your cousin was my fiance and got drunk the night before we had something planned I would as pissed at him as you were…

If you don’t want to go don’t, but be the bigger person about it and send the RSVP as you normally would rather than waiting.

Post # 14
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I wouldn’t care, seriously it’s not like he completely ruined the wedding by turning up drunk. I know you feel angry about it but it really could have been much worse. If u want to go to his wedding just go. πŸ™‚ perhaps he is sorry and I dont think it’s worth a major fall out. 

Post # 15
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@fivemonthsnotice:  I think Brielle’s advice is good in this case. If you are ready to actually cut ties with these folks, then fine — but if you’re RSVPing no to their wedding (not sending a card or a gift, etc) out of pure spite, then you need to be prepared that there will be possibly irreversible damage to the relationship and valid reasons for hurt feelings on BOTH sides. Not that you shouldn’t be angry and annoyed at them, but just a call to think about the long-term consequences of one stupid decision on your cousin’s part. What do you get out of continuing the fight?

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