- 10 years ago
- Wedding: June 2009
This is kind of long so please don’t go any further if you don’t have the time! I have a family problem and I need creative ideas! Here’s the deal:
My mother and father divorced when I was 8 yrs old. It wasn’t a pretty marriage or a divorce but, since then, both parents have remarried and are happy. The problem is that they have not seen or talked to one another since the divorce. Through the years, they have commented on each other to either me or my sister, and the negative feelings are still there.
My biological father raised me along with my step-mother. My stepmother has been there for me in many ways and I am glad she will be part of my big day. However, she is the reason for my parents’ divorce.
My biological mother, while I do love her, has always been the one to shy in the corners and take a back seat, of her own accord. I want to stress that. Because of that, I do not feel as close to her. She is also very sensitive.
My stepfather is a good man but he also tends to take the back seat in many things. He is also not the one who raised me and acts as more of a teenage pal rather than a father figure.
I realize I may sound harsh in the depictions but it is the honest truth. I am nervous about the activities which will have to include all four of them in the same room or how I should go about splitting up activities that would make them all feel included on the big day. Some of the things I’m worried about:
-Wedding dress shopping/fitting – which mother to bring along. I’m pretty sure they won’t go together. I honestly want to just go with my bridesmaids since they are very dear to me and know my style, but is it customary to bring the mother to these things?
-Where should they all sit in the church? I have a feeling one or all of them will be incredibly uncomfortable sitting in the front pew together. But our church pews are divided into two main sections – one for my fiance’s side and one for my side. Do I have the right to make them all sit together? (there is one smaller section available but the fact that it is "small" might be offensive to whoever gets that side)
-Mother’s lighting the candle at the beginning of the ceremony – have all the mother’s come out together or one-by-one? Have three candles rather than two? Don’t do this at all?
-Which father should walk me down the aisle? Is it hurtful if I only have my biological father walk me down? My mother will probably be hurt but is that ok? I have known my stepfather since I was 11. I am 27 now and will be 28 at the wedding. I do not want to hurt his feelings because I think he feels like I am his only daughter, but from my side, I do not feel particularly close to him.
-Family pictures – would it be ok if I had just my biological mother and father in a shot? I don’t want to make either uncomfortable.
-Father/daughter dance – do I have to dance with two fathers or can I dance with my biological father only?
-Tastings – our venue is allowing four, possibly up to 6, people at our tasting. My fiance and I feel this will be uncomfortable for everyone, but do not want to exclude anybody. Would it be best for my fiance and I to go alone, bring our friends instead, bring only his parents, or make all parents go?
HIVE. I need your help. I don’t want to hurt people’s feelings but I don’t want to compromise what I’m comfortable with either. Does anybody have any advice who has experienced this type of situation? Thank you in advance!