- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2015
Hi! I’m new here but am really needing some advice, and from the looks of this friendly place, this is the place to get it. My family is falling apart, and it makes me not even want to have a wedding anymore. The short story is that I’ve been engaged for almost a year, and my wedding is coming up in a 8 months. When I first got engaged, my younger sister had a really hard time with it. She said some really hurtful things, including how it is pathetic that I am getting married before her. My mom was pretty on board and excited about the wedding, especially since she kind of hand selected my Fiance for me before we started dating 5 years ago. My mom cautioned me to not make my sister my Maid/Matron of Honor because she thought that she would only dissapoint me on my wedding day, but I felt like it was the right thing to do. Needless to say, she pretty much sabotaged a lot of my wedding prep stuff and was the cause of a lot of tears. A few months ago, she and her boyfriend got engaged. They both live rent free with my parents, they work extremely part time jobs (maybe 6 hours per week) and are full time students. When this happened, I was really hurt because I’ve waited a long time to be engaged, and my Fiance waited for me to finish both of my graduate programs because it was important to my parents that I finished school before wedding planning. It is hurtful because I’ve waited so long for this and have been so excited, and all of the sudden the sister who was really mean about my engagement all along was suddenly engaged without any plans for the future. The night she got engaged she came to me and said (word for word) “Guess what? I got engaged! God, it sucks to be you.” I told my mom about how I was concerned about their lack of a plan, and was informed that they DO have a plan, which is to get married and live rent free with my parents for 4 to 5 years after getting married to save up money for an apartment. My mom then went and told my sister about what I had said about my concerns, which started a world war III. I want my sister to be happy, and I know that my wedding and my engagement does not dictate what others can and cannot do, but it is hurtful to me because of the history of everything that my sister has said and done since I have been engaged. I felt like I needed some distance to get some perspective, so I have not been going around family as much over the past month, even though I am still there for all of the big things, like birthdays, etc. This weekend my whole family got together (extended family), but my sister stayed home. My mom proceeded to whine to everyone about how I don’t come around anymore. She also excitedly announced my sister’s wedding date, venue, all of their plans, etc. When my family members asked her details about my wedding, she claimed that she did not know ANYTHING about the wedding, in spite of the fact that we have not done anything new with wedding plans since my sister’s engagement because it now makes me sad to think about my wedding and the disruption it has brought to my family. They asked where my venue is, and she said she had no clue, even though when we booked it a year ago she told the family where it was and that she had been there 4 or 5 times. When she was challenged by people saying “what do you mean you don’t know where it is, you’ve been there”, she told them that she doesn’t remember being there and that I refuse to involve her in any wedding plans, which is 100% not true. I am so hurt by all of this. I never bring up wedding plans with my extended family because I don’t want to be THAT person who talks about nothing but her wedding, but I answer questions and talk about things when other people bring it up. So, my extended family was asking about certain plans (which my mom and I had talked about before my sister was engaged), and when I told them what I had decided (based on my conversation with my mom), she argued with me and said “whatever, I guess I’ll just wait to be told when to show up.” I tried to have a heart to heart with her this weekend and asked if we could sit down and talk, and she came with two other family members in tow. When I finally got her to sit down and talk to me and told her how I felt (respectfully), she said that SHE is the victim here. She then proceeded to talk crap about me, my Fiance and my wedding the following day to other family members. My aunt really laid into her, according to my cousin, and told her that a lot of what she is doing is wrong and that she can see why I am feeling so hurt. Still, my mom is refusing to see the light.
I’m devestated. My mom has always been my best friend and my hero. She and I have always been super close and I wanted nothing else than to be just like her when I grow up. I feel like I’ve lost my mentor, friend and hero. My sister continues to spew all kinds of nastiness to me and about me, but I can’t see removing her from the wedding party because there is a part of me that hopes that 10 years from now this is all an unpleasant memory. Still, though, I can’t believe that this time in my life that I have been so excited for and have worked and saved for I am now regretting. I seriously just want to elope.
Should I email my mom and let her know how I feel (that way it is in writing and she can’t keep denying knowing any details or that we have talked about things). Why do you think she is acting this way? What would you do if you were me? I feel so hurt, lost and afraid.
- This topic was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by anybee123.