(Closed) Family member offered to purchase our cake, but we are not having a cake.

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - Makena Cove

Could they contribute toward a photography budget or even your honeymoon? I’m sure you could find a justified purpose for their generosity and they’d be understanding of your dessert table dream. It sounds like your families only want the best for you guys!

Post # 4
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

You can tell them what you were planning and see if they still want to pay for it.   If I offered to pay for my nephews wedding cake and he tells me we are having a dessert buffet instead, I wouldn’t mind paying for it if it is my budget.   I really don’t think they would mind.

Post # 6
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I had a cake table (5 cakes). I know it’s what you’ve planned and envisioned but I would seriously consider accepting the gift instead or as well. That is an extremely generous offer and you could still have a couple of extra Costco cakes and just have a single teir wedding cake from your Aunt. It could look really really beautiful.

Post # 7
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I actually wouldn’t mind having a dessert buffet AND a wedding cake- I love sweets! You can never have too many.

That’s extremely generous and sweet of them. If you *really* don’t want a cake, perhaps ask if they’d like to cover something like the cost of an open bar, or perhaps h’orsdeurves for the cocktail hour? (I don’t have all my contracts here in front of me, but I believe the cost of our cake was close to the cost of having our open bar for about 6 hours.)

Post # 9
Member
13010 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wouldn’t tell them what else they could pay for, but mention you won’t be doing a cake and had already decided to do a dessert selection from Costco.  They may offer to pay for that, or for something else, but directing them to something else to pay for seems rude to me.

Post # 10
Member
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@abbie017:  Agreed. Have some suggestions in your head for if they ask about it but do not mention it out loud. Say that you are so greatful for their offer but that you had planned a dessert buffet instead of a traditional cake. 

Post # 11
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@KellyLouise:  LOL not exactly. But now that you mention it, I do think our cake was a bit less. ๐Ÿ˜› Our venue threw in open bar service as part of our catering package for a few dollars extra per head.

Post # 12
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I also agree with those that think you shouldn’t ask them to pay for another aspect of the wedding. 

You should thank them, but let them know about your dessert bar plan, if they they are ok with you using the money for that accept it, and use the money you saved in your budget towards another item.

Post # 13
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

@raeaela:  

If they want to give you a cake then just accept the cake.  You could maybe mention that you were just planning to have a dessert bar but thanks so much for the cake.  Maybe then they will offer to pay for something else, but don’t ask.

Post # 14
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We had a 2 tiered wedding cake plus dessert buffet,  the different options went down really well with the guests and it looked great

Post # 15
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I totally think that you should be honest and tell them you weren’t planning on doing a cake, but a dessert buffet. I’m SURE they don’t care, and just want to contribute to something special. You could just inform them and ask them if they’d still wish to contribute in the same way to the dessert buffet, or if they specifically would like a cake, just have a cake in addition to the desserts. Don’t blow off their offer or hide the fact from them. They’ll find out at the wedding, one way or another, so you might as well just tell them now.

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