Post # 1
Member
32 posts
Newbee
Hi Bees,<br /><br />I was hoping to get some advice regarding a tricky family situation regarding my Bridal Shower. My sister (MOH) and mom are hosting a shower for me in about a month. They asked me for the names of people we are inviting to the wedding so that they could send out shower invites to the women on our side of the family. <br /><br />I have a huge family and decided not to invite any of my cousins who will be under 19 to the wedding as I have over 25 first cousins. My Maid/Matron of Honor and mom sent a wedding invitation to my uncle’s live-in Girlfriend (they’ve been dating for over 2 years) but only included her name on the invitation. My cousin A lives with them but she will be 18 at the wedding date and thus will not be invited. They did not want to invite anybody to the shower who will not be coming to the wedding, but my uncle is very upset that his Girlfriend was invited to the shower and not my cousin A. <br /><br />To complicate matters, my uncle and my mom are currently not getting along (uncle and I are fine) so he called my grandmother to complain about the invitations. Should I call uncle to explain or let my mom/MOH call? Should A be invited to the shower if we know she’s not coming to the wedding?<br /><br />Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Post # 2
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
If you give in now, you know they will throw a fit again when cousin A is not invited to the wedding. Stand your ground now or deal with this mess again later.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by BradysBee.
Post # 3
Member
46402 posts
Honey Beekeeper
kittenbee: Does the uncle know that she is not invited to the wedding?
Post # 4
Member
32 posts
Newbee
julies1949: He does know that A is not invited. His older daughter S is invited (she lives with her husband and got a seperate shower invitation) but not A
Post # 5
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
kittenbee: Try to talk to your uncle. Try toexplain the reasons why she’s not invited. If he still insists, then you have to think hard whether you are going to keep the family peace and invite her or inssit and potentially ruin the relationship for years….. So sorry it happened to you!!!
PS I would looove to have that many cousins that I would have to ‘filter’ them out. :o)
Post # 6
Member
46402 posts
Honey Beekeeper
kittenbee: If he knows she is not invited to the wedding, he may not be aware that current etiquette dictates that she not be innvited to the shower. Talk to him, tell him that’s why she wasn’t invited, but if he wants her to come, you have no problems in asking the hostesses to extend an invitation.
Post # 7
Member
32 posts
Newbee
AnnaVictoria: I’m pretty set on not inviting her to the wedding. If we did break our rule just for her then I feel like it would open the floodgates and I’d end up with way more cousins (who I only see 1-2 times a year) at the wedding. I just don’t know if I should give in and say “fine, let her come to the shower if it’s such a big deal”<br /><br />Having a lot of cousins is great sometimes but notsomuch at others. My one cousin was married last summer and didn’t invite any of the cousins to the wedding. My sister and I would have happily gone to just her shower and not the wedding because we love her, but we didn’t push the issue either. In the end we understood it was her wedding and were happy for her.
Post # 8
Member
32 posts
Newbee
julies1949: I think that’s what I’m going to do. I just talked with my sister (the one host) and she’s going to speak with him about the reasoning. Hopefully it goes well. This particular uncle already is feuding with my mom for reasons nobody knows so hopefully my sister can resolve this particular issue
Post # 9
Member
9771 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I do think you really set yourself up for hard feelings when you invited one sibling and not the other. Especially when both sisters are adults. I don’t know too many people who would not find that one a bit hard to justify. I would have done all cousins or none.
Post # 11
Member
2705 posts
Sugar bee
weddingmaven: regardles though, something would ahve to be justified. In the scenario you would choose people would ask why friends are invited but not cousins who have probably known you since birth.
There is no hard and fast rule that works for everyone
Talking to your uncle is the best bet OP. Especially since men don’t really follow etiquette or know that its rude to invite to the shower but not to the wedding
Post # 12
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
Can you do 18 and up? A lot of people do 18 and up or 21 and up, whatever the drinking age is, for the venue, since many charge the full-adult rate, whether guests are permitted to drink, or not.
Post # 13
Member
2698 posts
Sugar bee
I think you have a good plan. I’m assuming he doesn’t know it’s rude to invite to the shower if not invited to the wedding. Let us know how the conversation went.
Post # 14
Member
32 posts
Newbee
PABride: The legal drinking age here is 19+, hence why we chose to have the wedding be 19+. Our venue would have had us pay for each guest’s food and alcohol since it is all inclusive.
Post # 15
Member
32 posts
Newbee
weddingmaven: Technically I invited one sibling of 3 since they have another sister who is 13. Cousin S and I are 3 weeks apart in age. I did not want to do all cousins or none since I am close to my cousins who are closer to my age. But age cut-offs are not uncommon in my family for weddings (during this uncle’s second marriage he also did the 19+ cut-off for all family and another uncle did 13+)
I do agree that there were bound to be hurt feelings. And I would love to have everyone there, but Fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves and did not have the budget for a 200+ person wedding.
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