(Closed) Family member wants to be involved-how NOT to hurt their feelings?!

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1307 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would call your aunt and tell her that you are excited for your special day and that your cousin will be there as MOH. Explain that you know MOH has a hectic schedule, so you figured you would narrow down store options before having her go.If you go about it as you are trying to HELP your MOH, your aunt wil hopefully be more understanding. Also, make sure your MOH knows about things you are doing without her and why, that way if your aunt calls her she is on the same page as you as backup.

There is nothing wrong with checking out salons before dragging your entire wedding party there. I went to three salons that I checked off the list for different reasons 1)Would not get dresses on time 2)Did not have a sample that would fit one of my plus-sized bridesmaids 3)was difficult to get ANY assistance and when  did, they were VERY vauge as to alterations costs (would not even give me an estimate for a hem!). My bridal party and I are all happy I went to thise salons myself to do research before hand!

Post # 4
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

FMIL was overly excited, wanting to help, worrying me to death. Finally her sister stepped in and told her to chill out- if I needed help, I would ask for it. She pushed me so much, that I haven’t involved her.

Your situation’s totally different. I think you need to figure out what items/projects you want your aunt’s feedback on, and get her involved in those. There’s nothing wrong with what you said-“for some things I just want my mom and I to make decisions…I dont ALWAYS want there to be tons of people around me when it comes to planning.” Absolutely- planning with just one or two other people is so much easier!

Would your aunt be interested in being your day of coordinator (or is that too much work?) She and MOH can host your shower. Are FILs going to host the RD, or is that something your aunt could plan?

Hanging up on your Mom was uncalled for- it sounds like at some point, someone will need to speak to your aunt. Maybe MOH can talk to her?

Good Luck!

Post # 5
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I agree with the PPs.  When you call her, can you specify some specific things that you DO want her to do with you.  Like, “by the way, I was really hoping that you could go with us when we do the cake tasting, since you’re the culinary genius in the family” or “I’d really like you to meet with the photographer with us since you have such an eye for these things,” etc.  My aunt asked my mom if she could come dress shopping with me.  At first, I was annoyed – I wanted it to be me, my mom, and my sister.  But, then my aunt explained that, if my maternal grandmother had lived, she would have loved to be there and my aunt wanted to be there to make sure their mom was there in spirit.  It was such a beautiful idea.  I loved having my aunt there and she’s said several times that it meant the world to see me put on my dress for the first time.

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