Post # 1
UGH I am having a problem with my aunt 🙁 She is super sweet and wants to be involved in my wedding planning. Her daughter (my cousin) is my MOH. MOH is very laid back and helpful. MOH and I have opposite schedules, but I wanted her to be my MOH since we both grew up as only girls with no sisters and we’re only a year and a half apart. Our families are very close.
Problem: MOH understands that due to opposite schedules, she won’t be able to make EVERYTHING regarding wedding planning. My mom and I have been doing a lot together and its been going smoothly. I keep my MOH updated on anything and she’s helpful and excited when I tell her. So I scheduled an appt. to look at BM dresses this week (1 of many trips mind you-I want to check out a couple diff. places). My mom and I were going to check out this place ourselves since it was a last min. decision to go to this place. Lo and behold-my aunt flips out to my mom-saying that she is very hurt that we would look at BM dresses without my MOH. She hangs up on my mom after my mom tried to say that this wasn’t the only trip we’d make-we’re checking out a bunch of places.
Just to give you the “bigger picture” with my aunt-this is the first wedding in the family so she is very excited. I grew up 5 min from her house and she is more like a second mom to me. She is very sweet and kind of delicate when it comes to feelings. (i.e. gets emotional and upset easily). I want my aunt to feel involved in the wedding planning, but for some things I just want my mom and I to make decisions…I dont ALWAYS want there to be tons of people around me when it comes to planning. I want her to feel involved, but right now I want her to take a step back. I have no idea how to tell her to step back from the planning without hurting her feelings because she just cares about me so much and is really just excited. I’m not even sure if I should say anything or just deal with it. We have nearly a year to go til the wedding. Sorry to vent…has ANYONE had a family member that was so excited they started to drive you crazy-but you felt bad saying something to them? Any advice, stories/personal experience would be helpful!
Post # 3
I would call your aunt and tell her that you are excited for your special day and that your cousin will be there as MOH. Explain that you know MOH has a hectic schedule, so you figured you would narrow down store options before having her go.If you go about it as you are trying to HELP your MOH, your aunt wil hopefully be more understanding. Also, make sure your MOH knows about things you are doing without her and why, that way if your aunt calls her she is on the same page as you as backup.
There is nothing wrong with checking out salons before dragging your entire wedding party there. I went to three salons that I checked off the list for different reasons 1)Would not get dresses on time 2)Did not have a sample that would fit one of my plus-sized bridesmaids 3)was difficult to get ANY assistance and when did, they were VERY vauge as to alterations costs (would not even give me an estimate for a hem!). My bridal party and I are all happy I went to thise salons myself to do research before hand!
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
FMIL was overly excited, wanting to help, worrying me to death. Finally her sister stepped in and told her to chill out- if I needed help, I would ask for it. She pushed me so much, that I haven’t involved her.
Your situation’s totally different. I think you need to figure out what items/projects you want your aunt’s feedback on, and get her involved in those. There’s nothing wrong with what you said-“for some things I just want my mom and I to make decisions…I dont ALWAYS want there to be tons of people around me when it comes to planning.” Absolutely- planning with just one or two other people is so much easier!
Would your aunt be interested in being your day of coordinator (or is that too much work?) She and MOH can host your shower. Are FILs going to host the RD, or is that something your aunt could plan?
Hanging up on your Mom was uncalled for- it sounds like at some point, someone will need to speak to your aunt. Maybe MOH can talk to her?
Post # 5
I agree with the PPs. When you call her, can you specify some specific things that you DO want her to do with you. Like, “by the way, I was really hoping that you could go with us when we do the cake tasting, since you’re the culinary genius in the family” or “I’d really like you to meet with the photographer with us since you have such an eye for these things,” etc. My aunt asked my mom if she could come dress shopping with me. At first, I was annoyed – I wanted it to be me, my mom, and my sister. But, then my aunt explained that, if my maternal grandmother had lived, she would have loved to be there and my aunt wanted to be there to make sure their mom was there in spirit. It was such a beautiful idea. I loved having my aunt there and she’s said several times that it meant the world to see me put on my dress for the first time.