(Closed) Family members being judgy (NWR)

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Do you have a family member or members who you feel judge you?
    Yes, and it bothers me. : (35 votes)
    40 %
    Yes, and it doesn't bother me. : (20 votes)
    23 %
    No I don't! : (24 votes)
    27 %
    I am the judgy one in my family! : (9 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    314 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    My sister! Ha! We can not live together we argue but we get along really well most of the time when we only see each other every week or two! 

    Post # 3
    Member
    11744 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think she has a point about the groceries. I don’t see that as judgemental, just trying to help out your parents who seem to help you out quite a bit.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2156 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Neither of those comments seem like a big deal to me… I think it’s nice of your sister to want to help your parents out with groceries and to be a bit taken aback by an expensive gift…

    I don’t understand why you’re arguing over such petty stuff in your 20s.. sorry 😀

    Post # 6
    Member
    11744 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Jacqui90:  nope. I’m not overly concerned with others opinions on the things i do at this point in my life.

    to add, everyone judges. Whether it be positive or negative judgements we make. It’s how we make decisions about the world around us. I dont see it as an inherently bad thing.

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by  .
    Post # 7
    Member
    2783 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    …it kinda sounds like you already have it in your head that your sister has issues with you, so you’re looking for a depper meaning in her comments that just isn’t there.

    Post # 8
    Hostess
    9733 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

    I moved out of my parents house at 18 (my little brother was 10); I’m 27 now and have never looked back. So no, no one judges me…

    I do judge some of my idiot relatives though! Like the ones that are younger than me, have 5 kids they can’t support, and are living in my grandparents’ properties for free. When they can’t pay rent but can buy a new tattoo gun and puppy, I judge.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5373 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    As an adult, I wouldn’t ever ask my parents for such an expensive gift – even if I lived with them. So I would definitely be a bit shocked and gracious about receiving something so expensive. Also, the grocery thing doesn’t seem like such a big deal, she just sounds like she’s trying to encourage you to contribute to the household and do normal adult things. TBH I still help my parents put away groceries sometimes and I don’t even live with them aha.

    Obviously these things feel super judgemental to you, but I doubt she’s going to change. Probably the best way to eliminate these feelings of judgement is to try to see her actions from a different perspective (: If you’re used to always feeling judged by her then you’re automatically going to assume that’s what she’s doing all of the time. I’m sure you’ll be much happier if you try to look at situations in a more positive light and maybe if you don’t feel so defensive all the time then it’ll be easier to have a civil relationship with your sister.

    To answer your question, I never really feel judged by anyone in my family. If I do, it’s from people in my family that I don’t see very often and always about little things or things that they’re assuming about me/my Darling Husband.

    Post # 10
    Member
    5950 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Jacqui90:  My MOM!!! Take heed, future moms, back off! I think she still treats me like I’m 10. I get it, you were in control of my life for quite a long time and so it’s a habit, but c’mon! And now she’s getting older so she’s waaaay losing her filter. I posted this before so forgive me if you read this, but her wedding judgments were: “why don’t you just use your last ring?” (I was previously married) and “I think you are way beyond wearing a white dress” lol!! I wore a long white dress anyway. Booyah! And she never, ever, ever, ever likes my hair. Ever. Just zip it, mom.

    Post # 12
    Member
    11744 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Do you seriously expect that no one will respond to the content of your post when you write a novel? If you only wanted stories, then just ask people “do you ever feel judged? Tell me a story when you felt you were judged…”

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by  .
    Post # 13
    Member
    1146 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Jacqui90:  no, because I don’t allow family members to be privy to my personal life choices or daily habits. Given that i have displayed i can live well on my own, My family now sees me as an independent adult about whom it would be inappropriate to pass judgment on personal choices, big or small, and accept and respect me for who I am.

    This is why it’s generally best to move out and move on once one reaches adulthood. If you don’t want your sister and whoever else all up in your business or judging your life and putting it under a magnifying glass…If you don’t enjoy petty arguments that sound more like the issues of a preteen than grown ass woman….do not create and perpetuate a lifestyle and situation that scaffolds exactly that. Problem solved.

    Post # 14
    Member
    984 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Why don’t you move out and thereby eliminate or at least avoid the judgment? You’re in your 20’s; most people have moved on by that point.

    Post # 15
    Member
    232 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    DH’s grandma is pretty judgemental but not to your face. You’ll hear about it from somebody else a few days later. Fortunately, we only see her 1-2 times a year so it’s not that bad.

    Also, I know you didn’t start this thread for people to comment on your story but when you give an example of feeling like your sister is judging you for not helping put the groceries away, I think it annoyed some people. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her giving you the side eye because you refused to help put groceries away that your mum purchased. Shouldn’t you be glad to help your parents in any way, especially since you’re living there free of charge? Just because you usually don’t put stuff away doesn’t mean you can’t START. Sorry, I’m with your sister on this one. 

    Wait a minute, I think I remember you, don’t you also get an allowance of some sort? Why are they paying you an allowance if you aren’t helping do basic things?

    The topic ‘Family members being judgy (NWR)’ is closed to new replies.

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