(Closed) Family members upset about heirloom ring

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

You should not be sorry. It was your grandmothers choice, I’m sure your Fiance didn’t knock her over the head with a lamp and steal the ring. I can see how your brother might be a bit miffed, but it really isn’t his concern.

Just stop talking wedding stuff with them for a bit. Post your pictures! If doing so on FB you can choose a few people who it WONT show up to. You can add them there if you want. Please don’t let some petty family members bring down your happiness!

Post # 3
Member
5846 posts
Bee Keeper

Your great grandmother may have given it to you instead of your twin brother because, unfortunately the divorce rate being what it is- if something happened between you and your Fiance, the ring would be in your possession, if something happened between your brother and his Fiance, the family heirloom ring could end up belonging to an ex she barely knows. 

Regardless of her motives, it was her decision and she wanted you to have it. I’m sorry if shit stirring relatives have turned this into a source of contention over who’s entitled to it. (She gave it to you = you’re entitled to it). By the sounds of it, if she gave it to someone else, there would still be several people pissy about it regardless. Congrats on your engagement, just try your best to ignore the haters. 

Post # 4
Member
993 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I have an heirloom ring as well (not engagement, it was just given to me) and it’s caused a bit of grief between my cousins and I

ultimately, it’s your great grandmother’s gift to you, you didn’t ask for it, have them take it up with her (and then watch them struggle)

your family should be ashamed of themselves, this is a happy time to be celebrated. I’m sorry they aren’t being more supportive.

Post # 5
Member
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I don’t know if I have anything helpful or practical to say except, unfortunately, keep a bit of a low profile because your family members are not mature or gracious enough to handle this situation appropriately.

But I really just wanted to say I’m so sorry they’re treating you like this. 🙁

People get so ugly over the inheritance of money and others things from relatives. I know your GG is, happily, still around, but as a related note, when people pass and it comes to sorting out the will, families go to pieces because everyone becomes a scavenger and starts fighting over the goods. It’s so, so sad.

I’m really sorry your family can’t just be happy for you. As pp said, it was your GG’s choice. Please try to enjoy this time as much as you can. It’s incredibly special that she gave your Fiance the ring for him to propose.

ETA – And by “keep a low profile” I don’t mean hide your engagement in the shadows. I would post some pics but if it were me I probably wouldn’t post close-up ring shots with a description of the heirloom ring and its background, because that would fuel the fire and they might accuse you of intentionally rubbing it in. Btw, you are NOT in the wrong here, either way. It’s just how I would handle it, especially so as to minimize everyone’s bitching. I would be a little demure. But I also didn’t post closeup ring pics on Facebook of my own ring, and my ring has no drama behind it. I just feel it’s a bit gauche to post “LOOK AT MAH BLING” pics anywhere other than wedding websites. 😄

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  GreenGables.
Post # 6
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Sorry they’re not happy for you :'( Unfortunately for them, they’ll have to get over it. It was your GG’s decision to make & that’s final. Do not feel bad! Wear it with pride & honor as she intended & let your family members come around. Don’t you dare feel undeserving! You’re clearly deserving if she chose you. Best of luck! 

Post # 7
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

It was you great grandmother’s ring to give to whomever she chose, for whatever reason she chose. Your family has no right to be upset. Don’t let other people’s reactions cast a shadow on a happy time in your life!

However, there is no need to “show off” your ring or post pictures of it on social media. There was absolutely no negativity or controversy surrounding my engagement, but I still chose not to post pics of my ring online. (Most of my close friends have not posted ring pics either) My choice was because I find it kind of gauche when people “show off” material things on social media…be it engagement rings, designer handbags, new cars, etc. You can certainly privately share a photo with any friends who ask.

Post # 8
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Also, if you’re dying to show off your ring, you should do it on weddingbee! There are tons of ladies on here who love seeing ring pics (myself included.)

Post # 9
Member
2317 posts
Buzzing bee

Im sorry your family is giving you so much grief.   There will always be people with something to say, so dont give them any amo.  The real person they shoudl direct their anger towards is actually your greatgrandmother, but I but you are an easier target.  As to what you should do…Do not show off your ring and flaunt it unless asked to do so by someone in person.  Keep this moment as private and special as possible. Dont post pics all over your profile, just be gracious and wear it with pride.  If you must share, share on weddingbee where everyone will be thrilled for you.  

Post # 10
Member
10070 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I have been here and it sucks. When my great grandmother died she left me her antique China collection, China cabinet and her antique bedroom set. I was sixteen at this time.

I have always been a bit of a black sheep of the family. My cousins hated me even from the time we were kids (they beat me up on my parents wedding day, in my flower girl dress and all) and my aunts and uncles on that side have never really cared much for me but have always been polite. So it really pissed people off she left me with the things that  were “worth” the most. They wanted to sell her furniture and China to antiques dealers and split the money. I have kept everything and have it all set up in my own home now some 10 years later.

Dont give the family the time of day. These are HER wishes! They have no right to tell her what to do with her own things. At the end of the day it’s just jealousy and while it may never go away I would live with it for my great grandmother and to respect her wishes.

Post # 11
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i agree with PP – it’s smart to keep it within the bloodline. also, it’s your great grandmother’s decision, and they can take that up with her. accept your gift with grace, and ignore the haters. 

Post # 12
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Well.

WE are happy for you, and thrilled for your engagement, and delighted that great-gram gave you this wonderful gift.  Now we need to see pix. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016 - Temecula, California

Awe I’m sorry you are getting grief from your family. It is unfortunate but she wanted you to have the ring so I wouldn’t feel bad about that. Your family should be happy for you instead of being jealous. You have every right to show it off… after all it is YOUR engagement ring now that has a beautiful history.

In the meantime…SHOW IT OFF HERE! We would all love to see it!

Post # 14
Member
2316 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

Oh, I have been there! My grandma gave me her anniversary band about 7 years before she died. She was of sound mind then, and up until the week of her death. I guess my aunts were looking for her jewelry when they were packing up her house. Word spread that she had given the ring to me.

She died last April, and my wedding was in October. My cousin, who was my moh, texted me saying I should give the ring back to the aunts so they could split up the diamonds or whatever. She said that daughters trump granddaughters. I was so upset at the nerve of her saying this. I told her that grandma gave the ring to me, meaning she wanted me to have it, and her wishes trump everything. I have not heard another word about it.

So, fuck’em. Let them know if they ask that it was your great grandmother’s wish that you have it. If they have an issue with it, they can take it up with her. People are so weird after someone dies. Real motives come out. My grandma knew there might be an issue between her 4 daughters when she died, so she gave her own stuff away to the people she wanted to give to.

Your great g is doing the same thing. People can be so ugly. Just ignore it and wear that ring.

Post # 15
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Sometomes people are just so disappointing. I’m sorry you are having to put up with this, it is very mean spirited of them. Please try not to let it spoil this time for you too much.  

If I were you, I’d withdraw a bit from your family for a while, I wouldn’t flounce or sulk, just back off and wait for my mum or whoever to query why I haven’t been in touch/come round. Then I’d explain calmly that I have felt unwelcome, and disappointed about their reaction to the happy news.

If they really pissed me off I’d be tempted to tell them I’ll get the ring valued, give them the monetry value for them to fight about amongst themselves, and then they can keep the fuck out of my life. That ring is yours, it was your great grandmother’s wish that you have it, have they no respect for her? Where is the love in this family?

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